Do you feel boring? Or fascinating? I promise that no matter how run-of-the-mill you may feel most days, you possess a leadership quality that others find fascinating. I see this unfold every day in my executive coaching practice. Every leader has a unique asset, an inner strength that defines their executive presence.
What I find fascinating is that most leaders arrive at my coaching session oblivious to their unique asset. They don’t see themselves as others do. I find great joy in helping leaders identify what’s influential about them – and then help them amplify it.
If you identify and amplify your unique assets, you will become far more influential. More powerful. More authentically and satisfyingly you.
I recently taped an interview with Sally Hogshead, the author of “Fascinate,” to help uncover seven qualities that she believes fascinates others. If, by chance, you’re snickering over Sally’s last name, she has a heartfelt, unique retort for you at the end of this video. As you’ll see, it’s part of what makes Sally so darned fascinating herself.
I hope you enjoy this quick video to learn which fascinating qualities YOU possess:
It was the silence heard around the world: Rick Perry’s brain freeze. Perry’s mental cramp during the GOP presidential debate stole the show and was quickly hailed as one of the worst memory meltdowns in history. It was a cringe-inducing 53 seconds as Perry scrambled to recall the name of the third federal agency he’d shut down, to no avail.
I’m not focusing on politics here. My interest is in YOU as an influential leader and how you can prevent your own case of message meltdown. After many year of observing and serving leaders, I’m convinced that brain freeze in public speaking is completely preventable, no matter how nervous you are. Many people’s fear of public speaking and delivering presentations hinges on this issue, so I’d like to share three strategies to conquer it. (With a respectful wink and nod to Governor Perry, let’s hope I don’t forget the third.)
What’s at stake when an episode of brain freeze strikes? Your credibility can disappear with your memory. Your confidence can take a profound, life-altering beating. In addition, brain freeze can either 1) create an unfavorable first impression of you, or 2) cement an unfavorable view that others already have of you.
Here are three tips to prevent you from drawing a blank when delivering a message:
Believe your message deeply. Your brain’s frontal lobe is sensitive to anxiety. Psychologists say stress hormones can temporarily block your frontal lobe from the rest of your brain. You’re frantically searching for a word, but like a computer file that’s locked, your brain is blocking access to it. Fear is like a virus, infecting your thoughts. It’s guided by self-preservation. The solution? Don’t rely solely on your brain to deliver a message when the stakes are high. Believe your messagedeeply. A speech or presentation is a transfer of emotion. Engage both your head and your heart to share your message with others. Tap into your message both intellectually and emotionally. When you deliver from the heart, you free yourself of the susceptibility that anxiety will scramble your brain.
Beware of adding new information too close to delivery.Brand spanking new information leaves you vulnerable to drawing a blank. You haven’t fully processed and internalized new info yet. You might as well send a party invitation to your brain inviting message meltdown when you add new information on the fly. But Connie, you ask – what if my boss gives me last minute information that I have to include? What if I learn something at the last minute that’s important? Of course you should add this type of information to your presentation. But here’s the antidote: write that information down and keep it right in front of you. Prominently. During Perry’s meltdown, he frantically searched his notes, but couldn’t come up with that third agency. Perhaps it was buried in his notes. Perhaps he was off-point. I don’t know. But I do know that a prominently displayed, bulleted list would have saved Perry from this public humiliation. So save yourself. If you have new, unprocessed information to share, keep it written prominently in front of you. Think of it as an insurance policy.
Deliver boldly. Do you fear criticism? Does the concern that someone will take a shot at you linger in the back of your mind during delivery? This is pure poison. The good news is that it’s self-induced, which means you have control over it. Confidence is the expectation of a positive outcome in a specific situation. Breathe deeply, visualize a positive outcome and let go of the fear. Forget perfection – think excellence. Don’t morph into your boring, evil twin in front of an audience. No one wants an automaton delivering a perfectly rote message- they value a person with a passionate point of view.
The only true metric of public speaking is the audience’s response. Embrace your opportunity to move others to action. Use these three tips and you’ll replace brain freeze with liquid gold for your audience – and yourself.
Here’s a thoroughly unexpected, powerful lesson in how to be more influential. Ever fumbled around learning how to use a gadget – and taught the world an important life lesson in the process?
Probably not. But that’s what Bruce and Ester Huffman did.
Watch these grandparents as they try to figure out how to activate their brand spanking new web cam. Their granddaughter posted their adventure on YouTube and it went viral. Prior to this, the happy Huffmans had never even heard of YouTube.
Most people think the dynamic duo’s video is merely comical. But the executive coach in me sees a lesson that could set you free and change how you interact with others.
Bruce and Ester accidentally schooled us ina highly influential communication skill: the magnetic power of authenticity. They reveal themselves, burps and all. That’s why you’ll love them. As you watch this clip, I’m asking you to ponder what I’ve taken to heart: revealing a bit more of your true self will draw people to you, too.
You’ll resonate. And that’s as real as it gets. Why not use this example to activate your influence, like Bruce and Ester?
I recently returned from South America where I had the opportunity to keynote a large business conference in Colombia. (If you haven’t been to Colombia, it’s a great adventure.) Imagine this challenge, though: I don’t speak Spanish – and the audience of hundreds of business leaders didn’t speak a word of English. The other experts who presented at the event – from Spain, Argentina, Mexico and Colombia – were terrific and spoke Spanish, of course.
The language barrier could tank my presentation, right?
I humbly share that it didn’t. Before my plane even touched down back on American soil, the meeting planner shared that I’d made a powerful connection with the audience and theyinvited me back to keynote their next event.
How in the world did this happen, you’re wondering?
Increasingly, leaders like you are facing language barriers, both within your global organizations and in front of audiences in presentations. With that in mind, I’d like to share three quick lessons that I learned while preparing for my Colombian adventure in this brief video. I hope these tips will help you shine and make the most of your opportunity to connect, convey, and convince any audience!
Tim Sanders is a confidence guru. A New York Times bestselling author, riveting keynote speaker and former Yahoo executive, Tim has written a compelling new book called Today We Are Rich: Harnessing the Power of Total Confidence that’s loaded with insights on how to develop unshakable confidence in a shaky world. The book is based on the timeless wisdom he gleaned from his grandmother.
Tim’s take-aways in our recent podcast interview came fast and furious. He challenges your assumptions and can forever change how you approach confidence, scarcity thinking and relational equity.
Among the many take-aways, you’ll discover:
The 3 elements of a leader’s confidence
The difference between confidence and narcissism
How to cultivate confidence in others
What to feed your mind every day
Why scarcity thinking is an airborne disease that you catch from fools
How a “Chicken Little” mentality can be your downfall
How to get the “A” team assigned to any idea or project you pitch
How to attract success in the “Wow Economy”
Why criticism delivered to your face is a gift
Why you must stand against things as well as for things to be confident
Why a recession is like a Nascar race – and how to win when the flag drops
Tim’s Toolkit
I encourage you to download the transcript of my interview with Tim. You can read his remarkable interview insights here:
Sadly, the podcast is a bit difficult to hear. Turns out, Tim’s audio recorded pretty low. As hard as my team tried to boost Tim’s audio level and diminish mine, you’ll need good speakers to hear his answers comfortably. I suggest the PDF as a great option so you don’t miss out on any of Tim’s business acuity or get your ears blown off by my higher audio level.
Where to Learn More About Tim Sanders
If you’re a leader who wants to be more confident and people-centric, I wholeheartedly urge you to pick up a copy of Today We Are Rich: Harnessing the Power of Total Confidence.
You can download a free chapter of the book and learn more about Tim here.
You can also pick up a copy atbookstores or order it by clicking on thisAmazonlinkwhich takes you directly to the book.
Tim’s an indispensable resource for any leader or organization wanting to develop strong relationships that lead to better business performance. You might also enjoy his previous bestsellers, including Love is the Killer App.
You Write. We Reward.
Would you like to win an autographed copy of Today We Are Rich? Tim has kindly provided a copy for one of our Influential Leader readers. Simply add a comment to the blog, sharing what you found valuable about Tim’s interview, and I’ll pick a winner and get the autographed copy in the mail to you!
Recently, my life has been packed with one life-altering experience after another. Among them were two milestone graduations – my son’s from college and my daughter’s from high school. (This makes me feel so old. Congratulations, Spencer and Ali!)
Which got me to thinking about confidence – and how people completely misunderstand it. Confidence is more critical now than ever in the economy we’re facing today. It’s essential to cultivate it so you can seize opportunities and avoid pitfalls.
But it’s not just recent graduates who crave confidence – every C-suite executive whom I’ve had the privilege to coach wants a booster shot to help them be more influential and make things happen. They understand that confidence begets influence and personal impact.
But here’s the catch: you crush your own confidence every day. Oh, you don’t intend to. Chances are, you don’t even realize that you’re undermining your ability to make an impact, day-in and day-out. It’s certainly not your intent.
So what’s going on?
Simple. You may confuse confidence with self-esteem. Grasping the difference between the two can transform how you interact with others – whether you’re a seasoned executive or a newbie in the business world. I’ve witnessed extraordinary transformations in leaders’ abilities to influence as I share this secret of executive presence and then coach them in how to unleash their confidence in presentations and other make-it or break-it interactions. Even the most anxious public speaker – whose jitters would normally crush their own confidence in the front of the room – will morph into a remarkably influential presenter when they employ this unshakable confidence technique.
So what is confidence, then? Simply put, confidence is the expectation of a positive outcome in a specific situation. Period. It’s not self-esteem, which is how you secretly size yourself up and assign your status in the world. Self-esteem is where insecurities like Imposter Syndrome lurk. Unlike self-esteem, confidence is situational. Which means you’re completely in controlto ignite it or zap it like a bug on neon – one situation at a time. Confidence is easily within reach when you unhook it from the complicated, big-picture puzzle of self-esteem. Tell yourself that you are prepared in this specific situation, envision a positive outcome, and fear will melt away. This shift in mindset is simple, yet it’s a profound game-changer.
I encourage you to devour the interview with Tim Sanders in my next post. Tim will challenge you to reconsider confidence, helping you overcome self-doubt and fear.
In this quick 2 minute “Connie off the Cuff” video recorded behind the scenes of a keynote speech in Phoenix, you’ll discover the one thing you need to deliver a presentation.
You’ve been tapped to give a presentation. Quick – what are you feeling? Has a sense of dread washed over you?
Of course.
You’re tasked with creating a slide deck, which can swallow hours of your time. Perhaps you’d prefer a root canal – at least you could just lay there under the influence of a numbing anesthetic. Instead, you’re worried that your presentation may leave your audience numb.
Rightfully so. After all, most presentations are dull and deadly, aren’t they? You feel trapped as the presenter morphs into a reporting robot, hosting a tedious read-along of his text-laden slides.
I believe presentations are fundamentally and deeply broken. They’re wasting more than just your time. They’re squandering opportunities for thought leaders to breathe life into transformational ideas.
Here’s a key: presenters are reporting when they should be resonating.
The Resonator
That’s why I interviewed Nancy Duarte, CEO of Duarte Design and the author of Resonate and Slide:ology. I believe Nancy’s message will resonate with your desire to create a groundswell for your initiatives.
Connie interviews Nancy Duarte
Who better to understand the power of visual information than Nancy Duarte? Her firm creates the best slide decks on the planet. Over the past twenty years, Duarte Design has created over a quarter of a million presentations for the world’s leading brands, helping thought leaders communicate ideas in strikingly visual ways.
Nancy agrees that the overwhelming majority of presentations are sadly inadequate. At first, she labeled it a slide problem, which is why she wrote the award-winning Slide:ology in 2008. “I thought that’s where the breakdown was – that people didn’t know how to visually display information,” she told me.
But gussying up slides – while a terrific start – isn’t enough, she learned. So she turned her attention to storytelling. Nancy believes stories can help put the heartbeat back in presentations. “A storyteller on a stage takes on a completely different presence. I wanted to close that gap.”
You may be asking, “Connie, what does storytelling have to do with my leadership influence?” Here’s a brilliant example: contrast “what is” and “what could be” as a structural device.
Nancy explains, “Our job as leaders is to define as clearly as possible where we need to be in the future. And what you do is compare what currently is to what could be, which is the future with your idea adopted. And by moving back and forth as a structural device, you’ll start to compare what is to what could be. People will be like, “Oh my gosh, I don’t want to stay where I’m at, because that would be foolish. I want to move towards this new idea that my leader is telling me.”
I believe you’ll benefit from hearing more about Nancy’s approach to storytelling, so I urge you to listen to our interview in my podcast. Or, if you don’t have time, you can download the transcript here.
Nancy’s books are powerful resources for any leader wanting to influence, inspire and impact audiences while presenting ideas. You’ll discover how to stop reporting and start resonating.
I encourage you to pick up a copy of her books here.
You Write. We Reward.
Would you like to win a fre*e copy of Resonate? Nancy has kindly provided me with an autographed book for my readers. Simply submit a comment below, telling me the most valuable lesson you learned from Nancy’s interview. I’ll pick a winner and send the book to you.
Les McKeown doesn’t buy into the common belief that passion and authenticity can make you influential. It’s not that he’s a contrarian – but this über-successful business author and serial entrepreneur pinpoints another, more specific reason for why leaders influence others.
“It’s not very popular to say these days, Connie, and it will go against what a lot of other people are saying,” says McKeown, “but influential leadership is not passion, it’s not authenticity and it’s not trust. In my experience, it’s execution. It’s actually making things happen.”
(Whew – am I ever glad the subtitle of my book is How to Influence Others and Make Things Happen. That was a close one.)
The author of The Wall Street Journal bestseller Predictable Success says today’s highly touted traits are by-products of influential leadership. Passion, authenticity and trust are like molasses from refining sugar. Like asphalt from the refining of crude oil. They’re useful, marketable, bankable by-products. They should not be the primary product.
“If you deliver for people over and over, well, they’ll see that you’re being authentic. And if you have to deliver, then you’ll use passion when necessary. But just being passionate, just being authentic or just building trust with people – none of those, in and of themselves, in my observation, makes someone an influential leader.”
McKeown is in the business of pattern recognition. He started 42 businesses by age 35, and pinpointed that “80% of the patterns that every business goes through are repeatable and predictable.” If you know where your business falls on the Predictable Success apex curve, you’ll gain context for what’s going to happen next. And this knowledge will help you influence your team and customers.
McKeown says today’s world is littered with “The Kim Kardashian Effect” – people who’ve gained followers, but don’t lead others to substance. And he disagrees with those who believe Apple is successful because Steve Jobs is a great communicator. “Is he a great communicator? Sure” says McKeown. “Does that help? Sure. Is he being authentic? I don’t know. A couple of people have tried to tell me that he’s not – that he can be a really, really difficult person and very different from his public persona. But one things for sure; he delivers.”
Hence Job’s measurable influence. He executes brilliantly.
Click here to download a PDF of the full interview.
Predictable Success by Les McKeown is a Wall Street Journal and USA Today bestseller. It’s a powerful resource for any leader wanting to get your organization on the growth rack – and keep it there.
Benjamin Zander says his job is to awaken the possibilities in others. He’s a motivational speaker. And, oh, yes – he’s also the conductor of the Boston Philharmonic.
When Zander perches on the conductor’s podium, he shapes the sound of the classical ensemble. But as a leadership keynote speaker, I assure you this maestro rocks an audience. I encourage you to watch the following short video as Zander brings an audience first to tears, and then to its feet. If you’re short on time, skip to my coaching notes below where I dissect his magic and share a few actionable tips to help you rock your presentations like Benjamin Zander.
Tips to Help You Rock an Audience Like Zander:
Drive your audience from Point A to Point B. Zander laid out the audience’s destination before he took them on a ride. His goal was to ensure that everyone came to appreciate classical music. You can do that, too, by carefully developing your speech with the end in mind. Influential presenters take audiences on a pre-planned journey instead of merely delivering a speech.
Close the physical gap. The maestro jumped off stage and bounded into the audience a few times when felt called to create intimate moments. Follow your instincts. If you sense the audience needs a jolt of electricity, dare to move closer. The key is to do it strategically. Return to your home base spot after a brief, purposeful interlude – don’t wear out your welcome by staying in the audience too long. Leave ‘em wanting more of you.
Are their eyes shining? A seasoned leadership expert, Zander unveils a secret at the end of his presentation: You know you’ve reached people when their eyes are shining. How does he do it? He creates an exceptional audience experience by speaking from both his heart and his head. I challenge you to do the same, no matter what your topic. Be an open, servant presenter and your audience will reward you with shining eyes.
Strolling along a white sandy beach on a working vacation with my teenage daughter in the Bahamas this week, we spent our mornings searching for shells. (Okay, she kept her eyes open for cute guys, too, but that’s another matter.)
You know how it goes. First day, first beach walk, you stop for every pretty shell. After a while, though, you grow more selective. No matter how perfectly formed, most shells begin to look alike. Generic. Unremarkable. Boring. Until that one BOLD shell stands out and you simply must stop to pick it up and admire it. You may even take it with you.
Same with your leadership communications.
The more discerning the follower, the more they hold you to a higher standard. Seasoned peers, direct reports and clients are harder to influence, inspire and impact. They feel they’ve seen it all and heard it all. They’re a skeptical bunch. Question is: are your communications bold enough to stand out like a remarkable shell on the beach? Or are they ho-hum enough to be overlooked?
Carol Roth is a leader you should know. Think of her as Suze Orman, one generation removed; she’s a financial braintrust who leapfrogged from working class to privileged status through sheer determination and wicked smarts.
Carol has a “spinach in your teeth” approach to business and life. She tells it like it is. Period. Growing up, friends labeled her ‘Lucy Van Pelt’ (as in Peanuts fame) because people have always been magnetically drawn to Carol for advice – and she doles it out.
Carol has a new book on the shelves called The Entrepreneur Equation. On launch week, it was the top selling book on Amazon. No surprise here. Carol’s determination would settle for nothing less.
If you’re not an entrepreneur, don’t be deterred by the book title. In our interview, Carol doles out advice that you should take to heart if you want to be successful as a leader in any field. I hope you’ll listen to my podcast with Carol or read the transcript, which are at the end of this post.
Meantime, here’s a sample of my no-holds barred conversation with Carol:
You take a ‘just because you can, doesn’t mean you should’ approach.
Yes. Just because you are able to do something, doesn’t mean that it’s the choice for you. It doesn’t mean that you’re going to be successful at it, and it doesn’t mean that it is the path that will best serve you.
So I really wanted to create this framework, Connie, where you can ask yourself tough questions and really be able to evaluate things, whether it is a business – or really using the framework for anything else in your life – to see if you were making good decisions, if you should, if the rewards greatly outweigh the risks, and it’s the way that you’re going to be most successful. If not, if there’s anything you can go and do to stack the odds in your favor to make yourself more successful or give yourself a better chance at success.
I want to pull out a quote from your book, which says, ‘Our society is built upon blowing smoke up each others (butts). Our collective unwillingness to engage in a reality check has gotten us into deep doo doo.’
Yes. And I did not use the word butt! If you think about the economic crisis that we are in still, and have been in for several years, how did that happen? It started happening because people were buying things that they couldn’t afford. Particularly homes, but also running up credit card debts for everything else.
If we were based in reality, we’d say, “Hey, folks, don’t do this. You can’t afford it!” We would not be in the situation we’re in today.
And so I think it’s really, really critical to be able, in life, to address issues. To call them out. Just find that elephant in the room and say, “Hey! There’s an elephant in the room: let’s just address it!” And, if we’re able to do that, that’s when we can grow. We can grow by addressing the problem.
But, if we just ignore it, then, eventually, that elephant wreaks havoc! And it did in our economy. And so I think that, whether it’s entrepreneurship or leadership or influence, you’ve got to be willing, in a non-confrontational and very smart, straightforward way, to say, “Hey, we have a problem. And the only reason we’re pointing it out is not to throw blame, but because we want to fix it. We want to grow and be successful. We want to move on.”
But there are many people who sugarcoat because we want people to like us and we don’t want to hurt peoples’ feelings.
I’m over that!
We sensed that, Carol. Did you ever do that?
Oh yeah. I’m a people pleaser by nature, so it’s always been a little bit of a struggle, when I realize somebody doesn’t like something I’ve suggested. But then I finally reached a point where I realized that, if I wasn’t pis_ing a few people off, then I wasn’t pushing the envelope enough, I wasn’t doing anything worthwhile.
The people who are considered nice or caring, are the vanilla people in the middle. They’re not doing anything remarkable or interesting or extreme. I didn’t want to be that, and I’m not that person. So I got to the point where I wasn’t getting any haters on my blog and I was kind of upset. “Everyone’s agreeing with me – I must not be writing the right things.” And then, finally, I start getting some haters, and I’m thinking, “Yes! Now we’re rolling here.”
Where to Learn More about Carol
Carol’s book is great resource whether you’re considering being an entrepreneur or already well down the path. It’s loaded with practical, spinach in your teeth advice to save you a lot of heartaches and headaches.
Would you like to win a fre-e copy of Carol’s book? It’s simple. Just submit a comment below, telling me the most valuable lesson you learned from Carol’s interview. I’ll pick a winner and send the book to you. Good luck!
Are you an authentic, charismatic leader? Do you need to exude these qualities in order to lead effectively?
One of America’s top communication theorists and coaches says, “Yes, absolutely.”
Connie interviews Dr. Nick Morgan
Dr. Nick Morgan believes authenticity and charisma are a key to your leadership and that you shouldn’t leave them to chance. Dr. Morgan is the CEO of Public Words, former editor of the Harvard Management Communication Letter, and is the author of Trust Me: Four Steps to Authenticity and Charisma.
I urge you to download the complimentary 30 minute podcast and PDF transcription of our conversation. You’ll hear Nick’s take on many subjects including:
How the latest brain research could transform the way you think about communicating
What you do that accidentally sets people on edge & shuts down all chances of getting your point across
Why adrenaline makes you robotic and monotonous
Here’s an excerpt of our conversation:
Nick: I think that influential leadership is about authenticity. I think that, in this day and age, we have such a very highly attuned bullsh*t factor, if I can use that word. We’re very quick to determine ‘fake’ in people and in companies; so I think that powerful leadership begins with that: “What are you really about?” Focus: give me the essentials. I think it’s the job of a leader not to just have a vision, but to spend the time getting that vision down to its simplest, purest essence, because of the information overload that we’ve talked about.
I think that the requirements, the ante has just been raised; maybe it used to be simpler, but now it’s tough. And that’s what you have to do. And so leadership keeps getting harder and harder but, in a sense, there’s good news; and I think it’s all more and more about being truly real, being authentic. And, with that authenticity, comes focus; and, with emotional focus, comes charisma. So it kind of flows naturally out of getting the authenticity right.
Connie: And then, of course, you’ve got to make things happen. You can’t just be a person who speaks eloquently but doesn’t actually execute.
Nick:Right. And we’re getting out of my head into yours, but that’s exactly right; leadership, ultimately, is about changing lives, changing behavior, getting people to do things that they wouldn’t do on their own, together.
If you’d like to win a fr-ee, autographed copy of Trust Me, I’ve arranged with Nick to send one to a lucky leader. Simply leave a comment today on this blog about how the interview inspired you (be specific, please) and I’ll select a winner to receive the complimentary copy. Good luck!
Experienced an authentic, impactful moment recently? Two families witnessed one this past weekend when my son, Spencer, proposed to his soul mate, Christine.
Allow me to explain the bus and how it relates to your leadership. Spencer and Christine rode the bus together through middle school. Even though the bus transported them to different schools, they became friends as they shared a daily ride in the back seat of Mrs. Voricek’s bus.
Now fast forward eight years. After losing touch during high school, then rekindling their friendship and dating through their college years (again at separate schools), Spencer was ready to propose to his beautiful, perfect match. But it was important to him to create an experience that would feel meaningful and authentic to Christine.
He remembered the bus. Ah, yes – that would be authentic, wouldn’t it? After much planning, including tracking down their original driver, a balloon arch custom fit for the back seat of the bus, a white aisle runner and a path of fresh rose pedals and heart shaped balloons, Spencer gave Christine a remarkable experience which evoked their past and future simultaneously.
He created The Love Bus for his true love.
Which brings me to you. Do you create authentic, audience-centric experiences when you speak? Or do you merely deliver dull PowerPoint presentations to your audiences?
Do your intentions and your impact align? The difference has a profound impact on your ability to influence others and make things happen.
In the post that follows, Dr. Nick Morgan, former editor of the Harvard Management Communication Letter and a top communication theorist, shares why authenticity and charisma are crucial to your leadership. You’ll discover why he proposes that it’s a mistake to leave these two elements to chance – even worse than leaving gum under the seat.
Pint-sized presenter Schuyler St. Leger nailed it. At the age of 10, he’s already mastering audience-centered speaking.
How Schuyler rocked the audience – (and you can, too)
1) He nailed the power pause, deftly using silence after his major points to let his words sink in before moving to his next tidbit.
2) He was Diana Ross, letting the slides work as his Supremes.The slides didn’t eclipse his presence – they acted as the equivalent of his back-up singers.
3)His slides were visual – not laden with text. They helped the audience process his points, rather than bogging them down with TMI.
Kudos, kid. Your delivery and poise at this Ignite Phoenix event is inspiring. My only question is this: Is that your mother, cheering hysterically in front of the camera – or do you have that effect on all the ladies?
Interesting question, isn’t it? When you were in high school, influence and popularity were one and the same. The popular kids (the ones at the private lunch table who savored their tater tots nerd-free) quickly swayed others’ opinions, fashions and actions. Regardless of the grades on their report cards, popular kids scored high as key influencers.
But what about you in the business world? How do you measure your influence today – and is someone still keeping score?
Connie interviews Barry Moltz
In this week’s Influential Leader Podcast, the inimitable Chicago entrepreneur Barry Moltz tackles this “influential or popular” question, even sharing how to parlay it into privileges in Las Vegas. Here’s a tidbit of our lively conversation that you’ll hear in the podcast:
BM:There’s a whole new thing going on – are you familiar with an internet service called Klout?
CD:Yes, I am. It’s scary to see your score.
BM:It is scary. I’ll tell you something that’s even scarier, Connie. There’s a hotel in Las Vegas that used to give privileges to high rollers – people who spent a lot of money – and now they’re starting to give privileges to people who have high Klout scores. For example, if you’re staying at the Palms and you give them your Twitter ID, they’ll actually look up your Klout score. And if you have a high Klout score they’ll give you privileges as if you were a high roller! So they really measure what your influence is on other people. What companies like the Palms want is that, if you have a good experience, they want you to Tweet about it. They want you to post it on Facebook so your followers and your friends will see it and therefore they’ll get some good buzz, they’ll get some good publicity.
If you aren’t familiar with Klout.com, you can learn more about your score in the podcast. And since Barry is the author of “Bam! Delivering Customer Service in a Self Service World” we naturally got into how companies like Amazon are influencing customer service and why growing your personal fan base matters.
CD: We’re getting so used to customization (like Amazon remembering our preferences) - are we becoming a narcissistic nation?
BM:I think we want it when we want it. I call it “pseudo personalization.” We want to be serviced. We want people to be there, because we are, as you said at the outset, used to 24/7 service. My son doesn’t understand; when we order something over the web, why isn’t it here 30 minutes later?
CD: Exactly. How has influence evolved in this self-service world?
BM: We have to understand two things; the first thing is that every single time you’re out there, you’re either extending your own personal or business brand or you’re detracting from your own personal/business brand because – guess what? – people are always reporting on what you’re doing. The second thing is that it used to be only celebrities who have fan bases. But now we all have fan bases. We all have people that we influence, who’ll pass things on to their followers, so we need to be aware of that.
To hear the podcast with Entrepreneurship Hall of Fame inductee Barry Moltz, the influential business guru who helps businesses get un-stuck, click here. For a PDF of the interview transcription, click here.
Where to Learn More About Barry
Barry’s books are a great resource for any leader who wants to grow their business. Here’s where you can pick up a copy of his latest book, “Bam! Delivering Customer Service in a Self-Service World”
You can also win a free copy of Barry’s book by leaving a comment on my blog about your worst customer service experience. I’ll send a free copy to the person who posts the best answer. (Influence me!)
It struck me recently that you may associate influence with two things: money or charisma. You may think you need one or both to be a convincing leader who influences others and makes things happen.
Not true.
Connie interviews Bob Burg
Bob Burg and I had a conversation about this the other day. You may know Bob’s name – he’s The Wall Street Journal bestselling co-author (with John David Mann) of The Go-Giver and Go-Givers Sell More and author of Endless Referrals. I was inspired by the leadership insights Bob shared and I believe you will be, too. Luckily, he agreed to let me tape our call – it’s available as a free, quick MP3 podcast which you can download here.
Key Take-Aways
A few take-aways from my interview with Bob may surprise you:
An introvert can be highly influential with one incredibly simple shift
You are enough. Authenticity is the greatest gift you can offer others
The deepest source of your influence
The fastest, most powerful way to elicit trust is counter-intuitive
How influence can be learned
You’ll discover how to apply these insights (and more) immediately when you listen to Bob’s interview. You’ll also hear why Stephen M.R. Covey calls Bob “engaging” and “powerful.” And I can’t wait until you hear Bob’s voice. It will hit you like a thunderbolt – I was a bit intimidated by the power of his pipes, even though I’ve been a broadcaster for 20 years!
Where to Learn More About Bob
Bob’s book is a great resource for any leader who wants to have impact. I encourage you to pick up a copy of The Go-Giver on Amazon.comhere:
Or, if you’d like to win a free copy of The Go-Giver, I’ve giving one away! Simply leave a comment today about how the interview inspired you (be specific, please) here on the blog and I’ll select a winner to receive a complimentary copy.
When you hear “flight” and “fateful seat” in the same sentence, what comes to mind? An accident, perhaps? Allow me to explain.
My recent adventure started in New York, where I boarded a Continental flight for Texas to deliver a Talk Less, Say More keynote speech. My seatmate, Jeff, had endured two canceled flights due to airport shutdowns in wintry Texas. A world-traveling executive, Jeff had been stranded in New York for two days – including his birthday – causing him to miss a celebration with his wife and daughters back home in Austin.
As we slowly taxied to the runway, our pilot announced that we should settle in for an extra long flight. It would take four and a half hours to reach Texas, he said, because we were facing strong headwinds.
Alrighty, then.
After we’d chatted for a while, my seatmate and I began to tackle our workloads. As Jeff tugged his laptop out of his briefcase, he whipped out a Kindle, too. The sleek new reading device was a Christmas gift for his daughter, Jeff explained, but he “borrowed it” for the business trip. (Those of you who are parents know that “borrowed it” is code for “my child doesn’t realize it’s missing.“) As he powered up the display, Jeff explained that he’d read a book over the weekend that had a strong impact on him and he wanted to consult it again. He had an important, complicated message that he needed to deliver to his organization and it was critical that others understand him clearly. Change was imminent. Profitability was on the line.
As he toggled through his titles to show me the magical book, my jaw dropped - Talk Less, Say More.It was my book!
My heart glowed. But I didn’t let on that he was sitting next to the author. I thought I’d toy with him for a minute.
“By the way,” Jeff said, “what do you do for a living? These 3 bubbles might help you,” he shared, as he pointed to the 1-2-3 method on his screen.
“I’m a business author,” I replied.
“Really? What’s your book?” Jeff asked.
“That one.” I said, as I pointed to the pilfered Kindle in the palm of his hand.
It was in that moment, as we cut through the clouds and the sun began to shine, that I realized I’m living my true purpose.
Jeff and I honed his message for most of the flight. We devised how he could best Connect, Convey, Convince his organization to take positive action in this time of change.
When we landed in Texas, Jeff said he believed it was fate that his earlier flights were canceled. He said he was meant to sit next to me and it was a flight he’d never forget. No, Jeff, the honor was all mine. To all of you executives I have the honor of working alongside, thank you for the privilege of helping you discover your leadership influence, in-flight or with your feet firmly planted on the ground.
So my promise to you is this….if we find ourselves seated together on a flight, I’d be delighted to help you develop a leadership message to influence, inspire and impact your world.
P.S. I’m blushing about a recent honor. I’m grateful to http://www.Speaking.com for selecting me as one of America’s Top 5 Speakers of 2011. It’s a privilege to spread my Influential Leader message to audiences worldwide!
Tips to Help You Influence When You’re in the Spotlight
An astounding thing happened to this quirky brain researcher – she suffered a massive stroke and studied herself as her brain functions shut down, one by one. In this remarkable TED Talk presentation, Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor reenacts exactly how it feels when your brain fails you.
Even more powerfully, she crafts an unmistakable call to action that could alter the course of your life. That’s what makes this unassuming, unpolished doctor my selection as this month’s “Presentation Rock Star.”
I’d encourage you to watch this brief video because you’ll gain insight from Jill. But if you’re in a hurry, please read my actionable tips below to discover how you can command any room and influence your world, no matter what topic you’re delivering…
How to Rock an Audience Like This Star:
1) Be a naked presenter. No, Dr. Bolte Taylor is not sans clothing. She’s devoid of pretense. She doesn’t slip into formal presentation mode or try to impress the audience with “doc talk.” Yes, she has some unique delivery quirks, but she’s not trying to be slick so you embrace her as the authentic professional that she is.
You can have this impact if you:
Suspend your fear of criticism. Confidence is situational – make that choice. Accept that your expertise deserves a spotlight.
You are worthy. Be you, not a pretender.
Chase away your evil twin who thinks you’ll impress people by being formal and slick.
2) Share a jaw-droppingly relevant visual. Did you feel the energy in the room shift when she revealed a real human brain on stage? Sure you did. Afterwards, her body became the only visual necessary. Slides be darned.
You can do this if you:
Ask yourself, “What’s the most impactful visual I could share in person?”
Move mountains to secure it. It may not be a human brain, but a relevant visual will instantly engage and improve the dynamics in the room.
3) Know exactly where you’re taking the audience. Dr. Bolte Taylor developed her presentation with a clear, simple intention: she wanted you to choose to live more from the right side of your brain. Her efforts paid off – she received a rare standing ovation from her TED Talks audience.
You can impact an audience like this if you:
Develop your message upside down. Start with your close. Ask yourself, “What, specifically, do I want this audience to do as a result of this talk?” Once you’ve settled on this critical but often overlooked element, then you can go back and develop your open and middle.
Hold off on opening PowerPoint. Software programs are linear and will take you down the information track, not the influence track. Decide where you’re taking the audience before you let your software influence your mission.
Exclusive Podcast: Connie Interviews Russell Bishop
What if you could:
* Overcome resistance and influence negative people who won’t budge?
* Bypass those frustrating systems and roadblocks that give you headaches every day?
Would that make you a more influential leader?
I can picture you nodding like a bobble head doll.
That’s why I asked the incomparable executive coach Russell Bishop to share his secrets of influential leadership with you. In addition to his role as senior editor/columnist at the Huffington Post, he’s also launched five successful companies, co-created the wildly successful Getting Things Done program with David Allen and he just released a terrific new book that’s making a big splash called Workarounds That Work.
Russell combines heart and smart. He’s devoted his life to helping leaders like you make the impact you intend. In this Influential Leader Podcast, you’ll discover:
Why he says the first workaround is hiding in your mirror (gulp)
What Russell’s close friend Marshall Goldsmith told him that changed his behavior forever
How workarounds can improve your influence skills, especially in today’s economy
Listen HERE!
Russell’s book is a powerful resource for any leader wanting to boost their influence and productivity and find workarounds to the unexpected setbacks that can arise at work.
Ever received an e-mail response that struck you as the communication equivalent of Whac-A-Mole? Maybe you got a curt “see below” when you sent a question to a peer in an e-mail chain. You felt clobbered by your peer’s abrupt, dismissive tone. Instead of getting clarification (you already knew the answer was not below), you felt hammered by Ms. Snippy or Mr. Ever-rude.
Now let’s reverse the scenario. YOU’RE the one who sends the response. You know your peer is under deadline, so you reply pronto (mid-meeting from your Blackberry, to boot). You don’t intend to be abrasive – you believe the answer they’re seeking is in the e-mail chain below and you’re trying to guide them to the right spot in a timely manner.
See the difference? It’s the tone gap.
There’s often a profound difference between the tone you intend and the one the receiver experiences. It can be critical because your tone can be an influence maker or an influence breaker.
That’s because when you receive an email, you assign the tone. You interpret whether the sender’s tone is helpful, dismissive, playful, snide, warm or cold. Now reverse it. When you send an e-mail, others do the same thing to you. As a result, you may be ticking people off left and right without realizing it. As an executive coach, I’m hearing tonal gap issues playing out with alarmingly increasing frequency. Good people are damaging relationships and being held back from leadership advancements because they’re unaware they’re alienating their bosses, peers and clients.
Here’s the thing: e-mail communication lacks the three human signals that indicate tone. 1) There’s no warmth of voice. 2) No body language. 3) No facial expressions. Faced with a lack of tone, people often assign your words the worst possible tone – especially if you happen to catch them when they’re under stress or in a grumpy mood. It’s particularly important when e-mailing people who don’t know you well enough to “hear” your voice accurately.
How can you prevent a tone gap? Make it a connecting habit to add intentional warmth. I don’t mean to pour on the syrup with fake, sticky-sweet e-mails. That would defeat my Talk Less, Say More mantra. Instead, three tiny tweaks can make an enormous difference in how people interpret your typing tone and boost your ability to influence.
Here are three quick tips to add intentional warmth:
Start with the person’s name. A simple personalized “Hi Les” or even just “Les,” signals that you’re thoughtful and respectful and don’t intend to cop an attitude.
Add a warm connecting sentenceto the top such as “Good to hear from you,” “Thanks for your quick response,” or “I appreciate your input.” Make a habit of re-reading your e-mails before hitting “send” and adding a connecting sentence. This can prevent your tone from coming across as blunt or dictatorial.
Sign off in a friendly manner with your first name, such as “Best regards, Elizabeth,” or “Thanks, Elizabeth.” Insert this before your signature file which generally contains your full name. Inserting your first name suggests a more personal, friendly tone.
The bottom line is this: we judge ourselves by our intentions, but we judge others by their actions. Make adding warmth an intentional connecting habit and you’ll tame the tone gap, come across as you want and achieve the results you desire.
I recently intereviewed Dr. Condoleezza Rice in front of a live audience gathered for a book signing of her newly-released memoir, “Extraordinary, Ordinary People.”
The former Secretary of State exceeded my high expectations during her public speaking opportunity.
Yes, she was a terrific interview and the book-signing crowd loved her – but you would have expected that. Media pros know how to bridge any question to a key message they want to deliver. She shared engaging stories about her parents, her recent experience accompanying diva Aretha Franklin on the piano, her love of football, and the most compelling people she met around the globe as the country’s top diplomat.
But what caught me off guard was her genuine warmth backstage in the greenroom prior to the interview. Some book critics have taken shots at Dr. Rice’s memoir, describing her writing as “aloof” and “distant.” As a result, I expected a brusque, all-business presence to sweep into the green room, impatient to move on with the evening.
Instead, Condi Rice was remarkably warm, thoughtful, and razor sharp. Upon learning my name, she even labeled us the “Connie and Condi” show. Despite her stature, influence and impact, she totally connected with every person in the room, from an intern to a pro athlete and NFL analyst.
Matter of fact, after the interview, the NFL analyst told me that Dr. Rice seemed to knows more about detailed football strategy than he does. Talk about influencing a discerning audience!
Donald Trump is my new wingman. Alright, I’ll be his wingman since he’s a lot richer than I am. Let me explain.
While channel surfing last night, I came upon The Apprentice on NBC. I was intrigued because just as I tuned in, one of the contestants was mangling a public speaking opportunity. (And you know that gets my attention as an executive communication coach.)
As a result of the awful presentation skills, the speaker blew the challenge for his entire team. They were left in the boardroom to face the axe.
Trump was livid. In a rare double firing, he canned not only the speaker with poor presentation skills, but the guy’s project manager, too. Why? Because the project manager didn’t require a rehearsal.
The entire team was caught off guard – and horrified – at how nervous and totally ineffective the guy was communicating in front of an audience. Especially because the guy volunteered to present, saying he was experienced and naturally good at it. Unfortunately, he didn’t bring his “A” game with him that night. Or even his “D” game, for that matter. He was unprepared and flustered. The more he buried his head in his laptop to read his notes word-for-word, (even mispronouncing words left and right) he more he tanked everything his teammates worked so hard for.
My point? Rehearsing presentations is critical. Poor public speaking reflects not only on you, but on everyone else whose hard work and reputations are on the line when you’re at the front of the room. You owe it to everyone to connect, convey, and convince your audience.
Thank you, Donald Trump, for the televised example of why bosses should require rehearsals when money and reputations are on the line. I owe you one.
Consider the fire hydrant’s purpose. Your neighborhood fire plug lets firefighters tap into the municipal water system to extinguish a fire. They attach a hose to the cast iron hydrant, screw open a valve and whoosh, out comes a powerful flow of water. Simple enough.
But have you ever considered how you might be using a fire hydrant habit when you communicate? Someone requests the communication equivalent of a sip of water but instead, you screw open a hydrant… and flood them with too much information.
Perhaps you launch into long-winded explanations when you’re asked simple questions. Maybe you send e-mails two screens long with five attachments. Perhaps you leave voice mails so lengthy that you get cut off by the beep.
If so, people are having frustrating experiences communicating with you and it’s damaging your credibility. People are probably avoiding communicating with you as a result. They see your name on caller ID and let it go to voice mail. They ignore your emails. They interrupt you constantly during presentations, meetings and other face-to-face interactions.
If you’re getting these outcomes, it’s time to stop the flow of blah, blah, blah. Here are a few ways to do it:
Think portion control
Aim for clarity, not confusion
Answer questions first, justify them second
Use shorter sentences
Send succinct, frontloaded e-mails
Use bullets instead of run-on sentences
Use visuals instead of text whenever possible
Present info narrow and deep, not wide and shallow
Be aware of the effect you have on people
Like a dieter counting calories, put yourself on a communication diet. We must all re-learn what a proper serving size is in today’s world where we’re bombarded with communications 24/7.
Once you overcome the fire hydrant habit, you’ll see that others seek your input and stay tuned in when you talk. Just as importantly, people will happily park themselves within six feet of you without the fear of being soaked by a data dump.
Have a presentation to deliver? Don’t follow Phil Davison’s lead as a public speaker.
This speech is Hall of Fame quality for the most misguided, jaw-droppingly worst presentation skills ever.
Mr. Davison says he holds a masters degree in communication. In this case, as you’re about to see, mis-communication was his specialty. Luckily, as he launched this passionate run for office, someone ran for their Flip video recorder. While he lost the nomination, we all win with a cautionary tale of how misguided passion can tank your credibility.
On second thought, if the speaker’s real goal was to win attention instead of the election, it’s a spectacular success story. Just don’t try these antics in the board room or you could lose your job.
Being a confident communicator who influences others is a choice you make each and every day. Every time you attempt to sell an idea, product, or service, you can choose to:
A) Own your message and go all in, or
B) Wimp out by watering down, withholding, or collapsing to the competition.
I was the queen of watering down when I launched my business ten years ago. I’d like to think my intentions were honorable – I wanted to get along with everyone in my industry and I didn’t want to sound too full of myself. But by diminishing my messages about how potential clients could benefit from working with me, I sold myself short. Worst yet, I missed opportunities to contribute and help leaders learn to influence at the top of their game.
What about you? Are you selling yourself short? Perhaps you could learn a lesson from this little girl:
I’m on a mission to help you become a more confident communicator – every bit as motivated and self-assured as the little girl in the video. Confident communicators influence others and make things happen. Let me ground you with a few communi-truths:
Confidence is the expectation of a positive outcome. It’s the opposite of negativity. Confidence requires that you tackle and wrestle your inner critic to the ground so you project an outlook every bit as positive as the little girl in the video. Don’t choose to be road kill. Confidence is situational – expect a positive outcome in a specific situation, motivate yourself to attain it, and deliver your message to the world, unabashed. You’ll exude executive presence.
Confidence stays in the moment. Maybe the product or service you sell has an imperfect past. So what? Every product/service worth its weight in gold has been beta tested and improved in stages. Stop looking behind you and sounding apologetic as you dwell on past imperfections. Great ideas are a work in progress – your job is to stay in the moment and deliver the here and now.
Own your message or your competition will own you. Don’t let the competition define you by telling cautionary tales to potential customers. That’s the negative comparison trap. Instead, spread your own message. Communicate your unique success stories and watch people gain trust in you.
Confident communicators don’t sell themselves short when they face pushbacks. They don’t come across as defeated when challenged. Instead, they move the ball forward and confidently change minds, resulting in a win-win for all involved. Now get out there and influence your world!
LeBron James and Dan Gilbert both damaged their global presence with their communications this week. LeBron’s theatrics were a narcissistic nightmare. Gilbert’s knee-jerk open letter was widely interpreted as an example of a sore loser.
At least Gilbert’s passionate response was fascinatingly transparent and straight from the heart. LeBron’s was purely from the head and didn’t ring true.
Here are seven ways that the man who covets a ring didn’t ring true during his televised hostage release:
Deceptive body language. LeBron did a poor acting job of trying to look humble, furrowed brow and all. His attempt to look “pained” backfired, resulting in him looking uncomfortable and lacking warmth. More importantly, LeBron’s lips gave him away. When he revealed his choice, he pursed his lips. The lips are among the most emotional parts of the body. Pursed lips are a sign of unvoiced emotion. He was being deceptive.
Ludicrous use of the phrase “humbling experience.” LeBron said the vetting process had been humbling for him. Nonsense. Humbling for the rich beggars forced to trek to LeBron’s chambers for their expensive dog-and-pony shows. Oh, the money that was wasted trying to lure LeBron. This experience was not humbling. It puffed him up like a popcorn kernel waiting to explode.
Implausible “I made the decision when I woke up this morning” storyline. This was a blatant, manufactured story in an attempt to justify the suspenseful dog-and-pony show. No one believes it, LeBron. You played everyone. The Three Musketeers knew this decision all along. You were just satisfying your ego and playing out your plan to build brand dominance.
The phony baloney backdrop at the Boys and Girls Club. There was nothing charitable about it. You should have held your hostage release at the University of Phoenix or Vitamin Water headquarters. Your clients were front and center. And yes, we noticed the Vitamin Water bottle beside you, label turned toward the camera, along with the vending machine strategically placed between you and Jim Gray. But funny thing – you never mentioned your OWN kids. Although asked repeatedly who factored into your decision, you never once mentioned your children or the girlfriend who’s raising your mini-me’s.
Using his mom as his accomplice. As a mother, it struck me as a cowardly move to say that your mother’s morning phone call blessing the South Beach destination sealed the deal. Take it like a man, LeBron. It was your decision, not hers. And why bring God into it? You’ve never mentioned the man upstairs before. Nice publicity for God, but it came across as out of character to the people who know you.
Speaking of himself in the third person. How arrogant to refer to himself as “LeBron James” and wanting to make “LeBron James” happy. Who does that, other than a narcissist? A simple “I” is how levelheaded people refer to themselves.
Being disrespectful of the Cavaliers. How cowardly that he didn’t call his team’s owner and give him two minutes of his time before he was dropped on live TV. That’s disrespectful, selfish, and speaks volumes about character.
We won’t even get into how cruel you were to your hometown fans, LeBron, because plenty has been written about this act of cruelty.
We learn who people really are by how they communicate in stressful situations. We reveal our core, instead of our cleaned up versions. At least Dan Gilbert gave us a window into his passionate heart. LeBron’s hometown, along with the world, witnessed the athlete’s narcissist communication. In his attempt to build global dominance, LeBron blew an opportunity to communicate sincerely and from the heart. His theatrics all came from the head. And a very inflated one at that.
We’re all sick of witnessing the LeBron-aThon. Many of you are upset at the athlete, thinking his “The Decision” announcement show on ESPN is the height of inflated egomania.
But let’s turn to LeBron’s communication strategy. He’s opened a “last-minute” Twitter account this week, re-launched his website, and is taking his announcement to live TV worldwide. Yes, it’s narcissistic. But it’s also a sound approach for a man who’s building a GLOBAL brand. This is opportunity communication, as opposed to crisis communication. It’s Tiger Woods in reverse. LeBron’s suspense-building tactic is cutting through the worldwide media clutter and claiming his space at the top of the mountain. LeBron is owning his message instead of letting others control it.
Operation “Billionaire Communicator” has begun. From puff of chalk to puffed-up ego.
At last, LeBron’s desire for global dominance is visibly in full swing with his newly-launched communication approach. The millionaire-to-millionaire dog and pony show presentation pitches have come and gone. But if you think the media coverage of the courtship has been maddening, imaging the frenzy after the decision is announced tonight. You could fill an hour-long show about it.
Whoops. LeBron’s a step ahead of us.
He already knows the media will be clamoring for the reasoning behind his decision and the impact it will have on the hostage cities involved, so LeBron is managing the situation by being live on the global leader in sports, ESPN. With the Boys and Girls Club as his beneficiary backdrop, to boot. It’s opportunity communication when you know you’re going to break four cities’ hearts but you want time to explain yourself beyond a sound bite. Basketball fans in the losing cities will disgustedly change the channel as soon as he drops them like a hot potato. But the rest of the GLOBE will be watching.
And that, I suspect, is the heart of the LeBron James Operation Billionaire Communicator plan. Global dominance.
You might be surprised at how many executives say they lack confidence in front of audiences and want to gain the skill.
Here’s a nerve-wracking experience that I keep in mind as I coach high-powered leaders who want to improve their presentation skills. It starts in my rear view mirror, back when I was sixteen years old. My high school business teacher entered me in the Future Business Leaders of America speech contest. First of all, you should know that I had never given a speech before. Secondly, I was raised in a humble family in a tiny Indiana farm town, so I had no clue what topic to choose for a business speech. I certainly didn’t have any compelling business nuggets that would rock Wall Street to its core.
As the deadline to select my topic approached, and with no sudden emergence of business acuity, I chose a simple, safe speech title: “Confidence is the Key.” Yes, I know – my topic choice was part lame, part prophetic.
When the day of the speech arrived, I stood before the audience in my self-styled seersucker suit with a homemade poster as my visual. The poster was canary yellow, featuring a giant black key that I’d cut out of construction paper and carefully glued next to my emphatic magic marker title. You get the level of sophistication. Unlike a James Bond Martini, I was shaken and stirred as I dug deep and delivered my heart-felt message. I’ll get to the outcome of the contest in a moment – it’s pertinent, I promise.
Luckily, my grasp of presentation skills has evolved a bit since high school, so here are a few secrets to help you become a remarkably confident communicator, despite your nerves:
Forget the underwear. The solution to overcoming nerves is not to picture the audience in their underwear – that’s a tired old tale. Instead, the smart solution is to shift your focus to serving the audience. Make this your new presentation mantra: the purpose of my presentation is the people. Thepeople. It’s not about creating killer slides. Not about seeing how much information you can cram in. Not about whether your mouth is dry or you’re sweating through your jacket. Your mission is to create a positive experience that will influence people to act. Shift your focus to serving the audience and an amazing transformation will happen.
Confidence is situational. If you think self-confidence and self-esteem are interchangeable words, hit the reset button. Confidence is the expectation of a positive outcome in a specific situation. It’s very different from self-esteem and your underlying sense of worth. The key to a confident presentation is to prepare for the specific situation. Smart preparation will help you wrestle your nerves to the ground. Expect a positive outcome in this one specific situation, prepare for it with a sound strategy, and you’ll achieve it. Every time.
Lacking confidence is selfish. You read that right. It sounds harsh, so let me explain. If you lack confidence in a presentation it means that you’re focusing your attention squarely on yourself. Everyone gets butterflies before presenting. I know I still do. But butterflies are actually a good sign because it means that you’re taking the presentation seriously. You have a choice: you can let the butterflies undermine the situation by focusing on your own feelings — or you can use them as an edge to redirect your focus and take your audience to a higher level.
Forget perfection – think excellence. Please understand that this is a huge statement coming from a recovering perfectionist. When you stop worrying about being flawless, people will start relating to you. Aim for excellence instead of absolute perfection. Truth be told, people see right through the illusion of perfection anyway and value genuine, relatable human beings, warts and all. Spewing endless, perfect factoids with a flawless style leaves people cold and that’s a confidence killer.
Don’t slip into “presentation mode.” Do you morph into a faux-heavyweight version of yourself when you present? Stay centered. You’re good enough. If there’s a glitch, stay light and handle it graciously or humorously. Turn mistakes into advantages. You’ll light a fire by aiming for people’s hearts, not their heads. Take the pressure off of yourself and see how much better people respond to you. Isn’t that the point of business communication – getting a positive response?
Since you’ve stuck around this long, I’ll share how my high school business speech contest ended. The sixteen year old mini-me surprised myself by winning the state and regional contests with my “Confidence is the Key” presentation. I then packed up my poster board and boarded my first-ever airplane to the national finals where I became the top loser in America. In other words, I was first runner-up nationwide. The judges chose an experienced eighteen year with big city business ideas as the top Future Business Leaders of America speech winner.
Rightfully so. The winning speech was content-rich and well-delivered. I learned that content and delivery are equally important to your success and I’m passionate about sharing the secrets to reaching this presentation nirvana with executives today.
Clearly, confidence is a key to business success. But I don’t recommend a goofy poster board.
Goldman Sachs executives were skewered on Capitol Hill this week. They were sach-ed. The men faced blistering cross examination by the Senate on the firm’s mortgage market and its role in the country’s financial collapse.
During their time on the hot seat, the current and former leaders, along with the prolific e-mail braggart known as “Fabulous Fab,” were lambasted with biting questions and criticism from outraged lawmakers. Unrepentant, resistant, and uneasy, the executives denied responsibility as lawmakers ripped into them.
Can you imagine handling that kind of fiery criticism? Many businessmen and women are fearful of being blasted in the workplace following presentations or even in team meetings.
As I’ve coached high-powered executives for the past decade, I’ve heard a recurring theme: the fear of criticism. It’s the fear that you’ll be judged harshly or won’t measure up to expectations. This fear is growing because we’re living in a world that encourages cheap shots. Snarky people abound on the Internet and otherwise, unleashing their inner Simon Cowell, judging others severely.
Here’s the problem: fear of criticism is like kryptonite to executives. It has a crippling effect, draining your power and influence. It can cause you to hold back instead of contributing. It may lead you to be defensive when well-meaning people offer constructive feedback. Or it may cause you to play it too safe and offer a vanilla version of what could have been a much more compelling contribution.
Even the most capable leaders can be crippled by a secret fear of criticism. Here are a few tips to help you overcome it:
Resist the temptation to be defensive. Do you often jump in and cut off criticism with a knee-jerk defensive reaction? If so, you may unwittingly escalate the situation. Cutting off tough critics often causes them to grow more determined. As a result, they may zap you even harder next time. Defensiveness and evasiveness can also turn off well-meaning allies.
Keep the criticizer’s intent in mind. Bosses, co-workers and others in your life may offer feedback because they want to help you. Their constructive feedback may be intended to help you improve your performance, not as a cheap shot or a grandstanding opportunity. Consider their true intent. Maybe they’re sharing wisdom from their own lessons learned. Is it possible you’re overly sensitive to criticism?
Ride the wave. One of the best approaches to handling criticism is to listen carefully and let the person finish completely. Resist the temptation to deflect point-by-point. By hearing their full point of view, you stand the best chance to uncover the real issue and correct what may need to be fixed.
Conquer your inner critic. Often, the critical voice in your head is carrying too much weight. It can be far worse than anyone else’s potshot. Give it a rest. Starting today, create a positive daily dialogue to overrule your habit of critical self-talk.
Don’t be an avoider. There’s an old saying, “To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.” Clearly avoidance isn’t the answer. Turn it around. Face it. Get the confrontation over with instead of dreading it all day. Often, reality isn’t nearly as bad as the situation you imagined and avoided.
Some people trace their fear of criticism back to childhood, when they experienced excessive criticism that’s gotten stuck in their head like a broken record. Others have received tongue-lashings from hypercritical bosses and had their confidence crushed.
Whatever its source, learning to conquer criticism gracefully is a sign of maturity and leadership.
It appeared to be an ambush worthy of the Kayne West Seal of Approval. Recently, an Academy Award winner was rudely interrupted mid-acceptance by a woman who appeared to big foot her way into his big moment. More than 41 million telecast viewers were confounded. Twitter and Facebook erupted with news of “the interrupter.”
Turns out, the interrupter was no interloper. She was his co-winner. Tangled in a credit-hogging turf war, the two had raced to the stage to get in the first word. He ran a lot faster. As she burst onto the glittering platform, she hijacked the microphone and cut him off before clutching her shiny statuette.
What does this case of communication-interruptus have to do with you?
Chances are someone has rudely interrupted you in the last 24 hours, if not the last 24 minutes. Interrupting is escalating. Cutting people off and talking over them has become the new norm in our demanding, impatient, instant gratification world. The Academy Award scene is playing out everywhere – in boardrooms, meeting rooms, lunchrooms, phone calls, even on Capitol Hill. Everybody wants to get a word in edgewise.
Isn’t it frustrating to be plowed over by someone who thinks the only voice worth listening to is his own? Beyond simple rudeness on the part of some communicators, I’d like to offer a few possibilities on why more people are cutting you off, how to prevent it, and how to handle those relentless, habitual interrupters.
Why it’s happening
Face it, some people are rude. But these old school interrupters are now joined by a new breed of interrupters: The Chronically Impatient. Buoyed by instant technology and addicted to speed, these pragmatic people are having a tough time tolerating long winded ramblers. The Chronically Impatient value time, clarity, and action and they want you to get to the point, pronto. If you dilly dally, they’ll either nudge you with a brief interjectory question or they’ll outright overpower you and butt in as if your words don’t matter.
How to prevent it
Sound confident. If you speak with conviction, people are more likely to show their respect by listening instead of dismissing your ideas and talking over you.
Don’t be long winded. Lengthy explanations invite interruptions, so get to your point quickly. One technique I lay out in Talk Less, Say More is to frontload your messages to meet people’s specific needs and values. Busy people want you to convey brief, meaty ideas so they can get back to the gazillion others things on their to-do lists.
Don’t hog the floor. Sometimes people interrupt because it’s the only way they feel they can get a word in edgewise. Do you dominate discussions? If so, that may induce interruptions. Watch for signals and be aware of when others want to contribute.
Stop speed talking. If you’ve ever received feedback that you’re a fast talker, chances are you’re often interrupted. Why? After all, you’re talking as fast as you can. Bingo. Some people can’t digest what you’re saying at a high rate of speed, so they cut in to catch up.
How to handle interrupters
Managing interrupters is situational. The first step is to figure out why people are cutting in. Are they rude or are you inadvertently inviting interruptions? If you feel it’s the other person’s fault, here are a few options to handle the situation:
The polite but firm “right back at ya.” Sometimes you must return the dirty deed with a polite retort, saying something like, “Excuse me, Debbie, but I didn’t get to finish. I’d like to add that…”
The private chat. If a problem persists, privately inquire, “Did you realize that you frequently interrupt me? Is there something I can do to help solve the issue?” Often, pragmatic people are used to being rewarded for being a contributor and they have no idea they’re hurting your feelings.
Establish meeting rules. In some office cultures, meetings are a free-for-all. If enough people are upset, why not work out a system for taking turns? Allot a time limit and seek contributions from everyone. If people know they’ll have an opportunity to talk, they’re more likely to wait their turn.
Keep right on talking.Dealing with a relentless interrupter who just won’t stop? The unconventional, last ditch approach of forging ahead with your sentence and adding more volume delivers a jarring and unmistakable message. It conveys that you’re sick of being rudely interrupted and you’re just not taking it anymore.
The world’s most famous athlete and a two-time presidential contender both torpedoed their careers with their self-destructive narcissism. Tiger Woods referred to his ego- maniacal state as a “sense of entitlement” in his televised mea culpa. John Edwards outed himself as a narcissist in an ABC interview after he was caught cheating on his cancer-stricken wife.
Perhaps there’s someone in your world who’s narcissistic. You may find it challenging to communicate with a person who’s grown accustomed to being puffed up by praise and attention. Surrounded by deferential people – their power walls adorned with plaques – they’ve become bloated versions of themselves. How do you get your message across to a person with an inflated ego?
Let’s back up for a moment. You may not have put a label on their behavior, but here are a few clues to help you identify the egomaniac in your life. You can often peg a narcissist by their:
grandiose sense of self-importance
self-absorption
sense of entitlement
impulsiveness
craving for excessive admiration
preoccupation with power
lack of empathy
judgmental, critical nature
belief that rules don’t apply to them
intolerance to setbacks or slights
explosive anger when frustrated
Know anyone like that? Let’s set aside their vanity (and their sexual vitality in the case of our two high-profile narcissists) and focus on their behavior towards YOU when they get frustrated. Ever been the target of a narcissist’s anger or condemnation? Their once-charming personality morphs into melt-down mode. They lob verbal grenades at you and howl at the moon. It’s painful to be on the receiving end of their demanding, demeaning behavior.
Here are 5 quick tips to help you communicate more effectively with a narcissist:
Give them options. Beneath their bluster, narcissistic people fear being left out of the loop. They crave control. It’s far better to offer them options to choose from, rather than feeding them ready-made decisions. They’ll tear other people’s decisions to shreds. Giving them options helps them feel respected and in control. It also prevents nasty hissy fits.
Focus on solutions, not problems. When you explain a problem or a challenge to a narcissist, direct attention to the solution. Don’t allow them to dissect the problem over and over again. Narcissists love drama and revel in the chaos. They’re easily agitated when frustrated. Define problems and present possible solutions, so they don’t smell blood in the water and tear you apart.
Make them the hero. Narcissists are preoccupied with power and truly believe they are special and unique. They live for attention and admiration. Want them to do something? Tell them how great they are at it and watch them perform. Better yet, praise their performance in front of others. Just keep it real, please.
Let them think it’s their idea. Narcissists often steal the credit for ideas that aren’t theirs. Why do they do that? Strangely, they truly believe that hijacked results are their own. Grabbing credit is a driving force for them. If this gets things done, I say learn to live with it. Over time, everyone will catch on – wink, wink. Meantime, graciously transferring credit for ideas to them makes things happen.
Manage their emotional blind spot. Egomaniacs lack empathy. They’re so caught up in their own world that it doesn’t occur to them to consider your feelings or viewpoints. It’s a huge blind spot. You must put your own feelings on the table if you choose to do so. Just be smart about sharing feelings with a narcissist. Brace yourself for the guilt trips and disparaging criticism that narcissists often dole out when others explain how they feel.
For those of you stuck in a tough relationship – either professionally or personally – I hope you’ll find these tips helpful and will pass them on to others who need them. I believe the key to communicating successfully with a narcissist is to smartly manage the relationship, not just cope with it.
Time is of the essence when you owe someone an apology in the Internet age. As we all know, Tiger Woods certainly didn’t rush to retract. By waiting 80 days to speak publicly, many people are convinced that he’s arrogant and that he doesn’t care.
So how did Tiger do once he finally stepped up to the tee to begin to make amends? Was it a good recovery shot? He handled some parts of the apology well, and others were lacking.
Bottom line: the content was strong; his delivery was weak.
First, why the content was strong:
He didn’t sidestep. He focused on the hot buttons: he cheated, he alone is to blame, he’s sorry for what he’s done, and he’s taking steps to ensure that it never happens again.
He focused on the people he’d hurt. He acknowledged that people had good reason to be critical of him. His target audiences for the apology were his wife and immediate family, his business partners and his fans. He was specific on how he’d let them down.
He delivered a clear takeaway for the TV audience. “I’m so sorry for what I’ve done” came through loud and clear.
He stated the solution. He shared exactly what he’s doing to try to make things right – that he’s been in rehab for the past 45 days and that he’s returning there to keep working on his issues. He also pointed that he’s returned to his faith after drifting away. He said that he’s working to ensure that he never repeats the mistakes that he’s made.
On the flip side, how did Tiger’s delivery hurt his ability to convince people of his sincerity?
He appeared to speak from the head, not the heart. He read out loud from a prepared script. Many people are slamming him for this today. I am not among them. Why? Tiger is not a dynamic personality – never has been, and probably never will be. He needed to stick to his comfort zone of being prepared and methodical. It was crafted by a smart speechwriter – ad libbing was a risk that he wasn’t willing to take.
He should have memorized the open and spoken it directly to the audience. When you’re stiff in your opening, it gives the impression that you’re insincere. He would’ve been better served by frontloading a more heartfelt opening. I do give him credit for facing the camera lens directly when he delivered his “I’m sorry” messages and other issues where he showed true emotion about his wife and family, though he was equally adamant about not being a steroid cheater.
Perhaps the mostremarkable statement was his admission of being a self-absorbed narcissist. “I never thought about who I was hurting. I thought only about myself. I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to,” said Tiger.
I believe rehab is teaching Tiger that the grandiose self-importance, sense of entitlement, and impulsiveness of narcissism has caused chaos and pain for everyone around him. Narcissists are so caught up in their own worlds and meeting their own impulsive needs, that the needs of others are simply not on their radar screens. Today’s admission of being self-absorbed, more than anything else he said, is what can change Tiger’s world.
To me, this is the communication lesson: Tiger is a living, breathing example the danger of over-communicating with ourselves, and under-communicating with the others in our lives. It’s critical to connect with others by listening for their needs and values. At the end of his prepared speech, Tiger said he’s now relying on others to help him change and become “a better man.” Good for him. If Tiger can conquer his narcissism, it will be a true story of redemption beyond the golf course. Which gives hope for everyone out there who’s suffered with a narcissist in their life.
Did you read the headlines? “Jackson Kids Steal the Show!” the news articles proclaimed, calling the appearance of Michael Jackson’s two eldest children the most memorable moment of the 52nd annual Grammy Awards Show.
What does this have to do with communication skills, you ask? Everything. In a room filled with big egos, these two young people nailed the three things that you must do as a 21st century communicator: they got attention, got to the point, and got results – and so can you. These skills are crucial whether you’re presenting your ideas to big egos, big wallets, or big knuckleheads.
This post is not about Michael Jackson’s kids on stage. Believe it or not, it’s about what you can learn from Michael’s approach to presentation skills that can transform and elevate your presentations forever. Turns out, Michael Jackson was not just a performer, he was the ultimate presenter. He was every bit as good or even better than the much-heralded Steve Jobs at presenting ideas that people respond to.
I was struck by what businesspeople can learn by watching the newly released video chronicling Michael’s stage preparations for his planned final shows in London, “This is It.” Here are 3 quick lessons:
1. The best presentations are built around your relationship with the audience
At the end of the film, you’ll see Michael and the crew gather in a large circle on stage. Director Kenny Ortega asks Michael to share a few words. Listen closely – what Michael says is the the stamp of a true presentation genius. He tells the crew that a successful show is not based upon the dance moves, or the special effects, or even on him. It’s a presenter’s relationship with the audience that matters most. Success is attained by the way you make people feel while they’re in your presence. Lesson: don’t get caught up in worrying about yourself or your slides during a presentation. Zero in on your relationship with the audience. Make their experience the king of the show and you’ll earn positive responses.
2. When you elevate others, everyone wins (including you)
Watch how Michael brings out the best in others. He stays gracious and kindhearted as he coaches the musicians, singers, and dancers during the rehearsals. He’s 100% clear on what he wants from others, yet he doesn’t come across as all high and mighty or a taskmaster. As a result, Michael Jackson draws the best possible performance out of everyone around him. Lesson: Stay relaxed, gracious, and humble at your presentations. Don’t let anxiety or pressure get the best of you. The most effective presenters are thoughtful, inspiring leaders who play well in the sandbox.
3. Who’s the one communicator you should listen to most?
Why there were so many hours of rehearsal footage filmed prior to the concert run? Michael Jackson studied the “dailies.” He knew that he was in the connecting business, so he wanted to see how his “presentations” would come across to audiences from the stage, even before the seats were filled. Chances are you hate to see yourself on tape. Heck, I avoided watching tapes of myself during many years in the broadcast TV business. But, ironically, as an executive coach I finally discovered the true power of videotaped assessments – they allow you to see the real you. As Michael Jackson clearly understood, there’s one communicator that you should listen to as much as possible – and that’s you. Study videotapes to hone your presentation’s content, your true voice, and your executive presence and you’ll earn a positive response from every audience.
Kraft Chairman and CEO Irene Rosenfeld is scrambling to persuade shareholders that her company’s $17 billion bid to buy British candymaker Cadbury is good for both companies. Her pursuit has drawn poor reactions from both Cadbury’s shareholders and Kraft’s biggest shareholder, Warren Buffett.
I’ll tie this career-defining move to the CEO’s habitual Tilt-A-Whirl head movements (see the photo on the right from a different event) in a moment. First, let’s get your head straight on the essentials.
Rosenfeld is seeking to transform the world’s No. 2 food company into an even bigger global juggernaut – but some feel she hasn’t hit the sweet spot with this takeover attempt.
After Cadbury complained that her price was too low, she told investors that she planned to issue new stock to help pay for the purchase. Buffett, America’s most influential investor, responded with a public smackdown; a press release warning her not to sell stock or increase her price lest it destroy value for Kraft’s shareholders. Don’t spend too much, he urged, as he tried to rein her in. She has until January 19 to make her final offer. Kraft shareholders will vote February 1 on whether to issue more stock. Cadbury stockholders will vote on February 2.
Now, in an effort to convince shareholders and save the deal, the 56-year old CEO is trying to placate both groups. Kraft has posted a video on its corporate website of Rosenfeld being interviewed by a British woman.
Her message in this video is influential but unfortunately, a distracting body language habit trumps the brilliant woman’s point of view. It’s a case of the eyes trump the ears. People must buy into the messenger before they buy into the message. Rosenfeld comes across as a human Tilt-A-Whirl, constantly tilting her head from side-to-side as she speaks. Left-right-left-right-left-right. In addition, in an apparent attempt to appear warm and likable, the CEO plasters on a smile throughout the interview, even when it’s not warranted.
Here are two quick presentation/media coaching tips to help you prevent undermining your executive presence with nervous body signals:
Avoid tilting your head. It looks coy and cute. It’s not a powerful professional move unless you happen to work on the Las Vegas Strip. If that’s not your line of business, keep your head on straight.
Plastered-on smiles don’t cut it. Yes, you’ve heard many times that you should smile, and in most cases you should. But here’s the real truth about smiling: If your smile doesn’t come across as genuine, it can backfire on you. Make sure your smile is heartfelt.
People monitor you for the signals you send. Project a balance of likability and credibility to hit the sweet spot. Don’t let nervous energy undermine your credibility. To learn more about how your energy level is tied to your ability to influence others, read chapter 12 of my book, Talk Less, Say More.
I spent many years anchoring the late news for an NBC-owned station, so I’m keenly aware of why general managers at NBC affiliates across America banded together, morphed into “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, and wrestled the network to the ground. They’d had it up to HERE with The Jay Leno Show experiment strangling their revenue streams, so they let loose with a SmackDown after four months.
The affiliates tag-teamed the network. But you can also credit your own thumb – the one that you use to change the channels on your remote control.
Turns out, your thumb is actually the biggest part of this story. Why? Because you tend to ease your death grip on the remote at 11 PM. Maybe it’s because your significant other has fallen asleep, maybe you’ve run out of juice for the day, or maybe it’s because you feel that all 11 PM newscasts are basically alike. (News-Weather-Sports. Yadda-Yadda-Yadda.) Whatever your reason, the channel you land on at 10 PM tends to win your eyeballs for the 11PM News due to your suddenly lazy thumb.
Why is this so important? It’s simple, lopsided math. In contract negotiations during my years as a prime time anchor, management revealed that late evening newscasts were responsible for up to 45% of the station’s advertising revenues. So in order to dial for dollars, we needed the network’s 10 PM programming to hand us a boatload of viewers who’d already put down their weapons for the night. (Of course, we hoped to attract you with our fetching hairstyles and sparkling news anchor personalities, but most of us knew better than that.)
So there you have it. For the past four months, NBC has stuck its affiliates with rotten ratings leading into their Power Hour while it was saving tons of cash shunning costly scripted dramas. In response, the affiliates produced their own drama worthy of the Internet Age. Amid already-ravaged advertising revenue, they tag-teamed NBC and toppled the network with a “Stone Cold” Stunner.
Top 10 Communi-lutions to Improve How People Respond to You In Our Distraction-Driven Decade
Most of us resolve to shed extra pounds, get out of debt, or be more organized as we strive to reinvent ourselves in the New Year. But as the odometer turns over for 2010, what if we focus on a more professionally profound improvement?
Why not resolve to improve how people respond to you? Think of it as your New Year’s “Communi-lutions.” After all, interpersonal communication is radically different in today’s information-overload, distraction-driven decade, so isn’t it time to upgrade your ability to sell your ideas and lead effectively?
Here are my Top 10 Communi-utions to influence your world in the decade ahead:
1.Stop Informing, Start Influencing
The most important communication resolution you can make this year is to transform from being informational to influential. Stop data dumping like a linear play-by-play announcer. Instead, convert into the analyst – the color commentator. Your goal should be to shape people’s understanding and actions, not to dispense information.
2. Stay in Their Moment
Conquer today’s endless distractions by managing your own attention first. Resolve to be right here, right now when speaking with others. Focus on meeting their needs and values, instead of being caught up in your own concerns. Scan for signals and listen for values.
3. Frontload
Don’t bury the lead.People are impatient and overloaded today. Quickly nail your big idea and marry it to what’s most relevant to your listener. People must grasp what’s in it for them – pronto – or they will tune you out. Frontloading your message is the antidote to rambling.
4. Use Goldilocks Candor
As a leader, you must get issues on the table in order to improve performance, so using the right level of candor is crucial. Think of it as a Goldilocks test:Not too hard, not too soft – it’s just right. Goldilocks candor prevents two common missteps: demoralizing and sugarcoating.
5. The Eyes Trump the Ears
Vision – the dominant sense – is a shortcut to clarity. Don’t create confusion with an avalanche of words. Use visuals instead of text whenever possible to help people analyze and understand new information, and integrate it quickly.
6. Talk in Triplets
Three is the world’s most powerful number because our minds crave information in multiples of three. If you want to ensure the clarity of a lengthy or complicated message, tap into the trilogy and use portion control by structuring your message around three key points.
7. Tell Stories
Stories have a longer shelf life than mind-numbing facts because they create mind pictures. Like a good movie, success stories and cautionary tales help others absorb, retain, and repeat your information and ideas.
8. Sound Decisive
Most people are surprised to learn that they don’t sound as decisive as they feel. Weak language and habitual hedging strip you of power. The language of leadership is decisiveness. It’s time to stop wavering and start firming up your communications.
9. Transfer Ownership
Let them own it and they’ll do it. People should feel as if they’re volunteering, not surrendering. A sense of self-discovery is often the difference between gaining commitment or compliance. Shift your ideas and decisions to others so they will embrace them and act.
10. Adjust Your Energy
People constantly monitor you for the signals that you send. Your vocal, facial, and body signals are crucial for a very powerful reason: reciprocity. People give back to you what you give to them. Most of us need an energy boost to balance likability and credibility, which generates commitment and action from others.
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onPoint Communication founder Connie Dieken transforms leaders into influential communicators. She’s the author of Talk Less, Say More, named a top business book for 2009. A former Emmy Award-winning TV news anchor, Connie is an inductee of the Radio/Television Broadcasters Hall of Fame, winner of a Top 10 Women’s Business Owners Award, and an in-demand keynote speaker. You can reach her at Connie@StayOnPoint.com.
The balloon boy’s dad, Richard Heene, thought he’d convinced America that his eccentric family should have its own reality show.
Instead, he got a reality check.
Why? We were on to him, suspicious of his communication style from the get-go. The circumstances leading up to the Jiffy Pop balloon escapade were telling: the Wife Swap appearances. The rant-filled video of the balloon release. The former colleagues calling Heene a narcissistic attention-seeker.
Dad got precisely the attention he didn’t want when his non-balloon boy opened his mouth on live TV. Falcon revealed what six year olds often do – the truth. “You said we did it for the show,” he replied to dear old dad, talking too much.
Whoops. The family’s alibi just floated away.
So what does this have to do with you in the workplace? Everything. We’re living in a skeptical world. Even when you try to convince others to buy into your ideas and decisions legitimately, people are suspicious they’re being duped. The more you talk, the less they believe. The new default status is to assume that people are pulling a fast one.
In my new book, Talk Less, Say More, I lay out the three habits you need to influence others successfully in our demanding 21st century world. The 3 habits are to Connect-Convey-Convince®. Heene’s stunt soared through the first two habits by engaging and laying out a strong storyline, but his balloon popped as he attempted the third and trickiest habit, to convince.
First, let’s get clear about what I mean by convincing, which is very different from manipulating. The difference is intent. Manipulators like Richard Heene focus on their own needs and theirs alone. They’re determined to get their way, regardless of their impact on others. They’ll steamroll, lie, or talk too much in order to get what they want. Ultimately, a manipulator’s story doesn’t ring true, so he/she fails to convince.
It’s a tremendous challenge to influence behaviors, decisions and actions in today’s skeptical world. Here are three strategies to help you convince honestly and successfully:
Sound decisive. Stop babbling and backpedaling. Caught in a tangled web when his son outed him, Heene started backpedaling. He stalled as he tried to come up with an plausible answer as to why Falcon said, “we did it for the show.” With the evidence mounting against him, dad’s balloon of confidence deflated. He sidestepped by blaming the media, and he came across as deceptive.
Transfer ownership. You need peer power in order to convince others to buy in. That means you must shift your ideas and decisions to others so they’ll embrace them. Did Heene have peers in his life who backed him up? No. One by one, former colleagues stepped forward to trash the guy. They essentially called him a media whore. His peers weren’t convinced that he was telling the truth, so we weren’t either.
Adjust your energy. It’s critical to choose the right energy level for the situation. Mom and pop Heene seemed to have hit the sweet spot for the 911 call and the ensuing police visit at the house. The cops who monitored the family on lift-off day thought the Henne family got the verbal and body language right. But they couldn’t sustain it. Why? Energy feeds on itself. Once the Heene’s went off-script, they were done in. Turns out the “amateur scientist” was also an amateur actor. Dad’s body language when young Falcon talked too much on CNN was a giant red flag. Dad’s face, body and tone of voice changed drastically and revealed that he was lying.
Heene’s plan to land a reality gig crash landed, and not nearly as gently as the Jiffy Pop balloon in the newly-ploughed field. Instead of facing reality TV cameras, Heene and his wife are now facing federal charges. Bottom line? Convincing is not a thunderbolt event. It’s not a once-and-done episode. It’s a sequence of events that unfolds incrementally, earning others’ trust and respect. And that’s not hot air.
How you communicate a message has a direct impact on your ability to influence opinions.
Here’s my quick summary of the brilliance and blind spots of David Letterman’s attempt to influence public opinion with the news of his sexual relationships and extortion plot, based on a sequence of 3 habits: Connect, Convey, Convince® from my new book, Talk Less, Say More:
Habit 1 – Connect Definition: Capture attention – give people what they want and value so they tune in to you.
This is where Letterman excelled because America is clearly engaged by his story. His brilliance at connecting was twofold. 1) He claimed home court advantage by getting out front and defining the story as an extortion case, instead of letting other media define it based primarily on the sexual affairs. 2) He stayed in his comfort zone by delivering the bad news on his own TV show, behind his familiar desk, in front of a devoted (if completely perplexed) audience. Like most performers, the late night comic is more in command, at ease, and less anxious connecting in a studio than anywhere else.
Habit 2 – Convey Definition: Manage information – get your points across with clarity, not confusion.
Letterman’s attempt to positively influence his audience came to a screeching halt at this step for two reasons. 1.) He withheld the salient details, so we’re all left scratching our heads wondering, “Who? When? Where?” His failure to provide pertinent points has a creep factor to it. Some people are asking, “Isn’t that sexual harassment for the boss to have sex with his staff?” “When did this go on?” “Was he married at the time?” “Was it with interns?” He gave the story legs by not addressing these concerns. Chances are, his lawyers admonished him to “Talk Less.” 2.) He confused the audience by mixing in jokes with his admission. The audience couldn’t discern whether it was a joke or whether it was a serious matter, so they laughed inappropriately at times. I do give Letterman credit, however, for specifically acknowledging that he had sex with women who work for him on the show. At least he didn’t pull a Clinton. He admitted to pulling down his World Wide Pants. (Ironic name for his company, isn’t it?)
Habit 3 – Convince Definition: Manage Action – win commitment and move people to act or believe now.
Letterman showed a gaping blind spot in his attempt to convince one audience, but he was powerfully effective at influencing a second audience, which was likely his primary concern. Let’s look at them separately:
Audience #1: The general public. Letterman failed to convince mainstream America that they should stay committed to him as a genial talk show host. He risked losing the trust of many Americans because he could now be seen as “that guy” – the serial cheater. He also comes across as a hypocrite for denouncing other mens’ affairs in his monologues.
Audience #2: the Manhattan district attorney’s office. Letterman scored a home run with this audience. He convinced the D.A. to set up a very quick sting, which lead to the arrest of a fellow CBS employee on charges of attempted grand larceny in the first degree. He got the district attorney’s office to commit to act on the extortion charge and they followed through beautifully.
How will this all play out? It depends upon many factors, including whether Letterman’s sexual partners come forward, what they reveal, whether his wife reacts publicly, and whether the alleged extortionist, “48 Hours” producer Joe Halderman, cops a plea or chooses to go to trial and unearth other facts in the case.
But in the court of early public opinion, winning a mixed judgment on a case as explosive as this is a blessing. Under the circumstances, the approach seems to have worked in Letterman’s favor. At the very least, the talk show host was influential enough to put an alleged blackmailer in the hot seat right next to him.
There sure are a lot of high profile apologies floating around this week – Kayne West, Serena Williams, Rep. Joe Wilson. Which brings me to you.
Apologizing effectively can bolster your credibility and convince others to change their minds and take action.
Don’t toss around “I’m sorry” like a football on Thanksgiving Day. Some people rush to retract big transgressions merely to protect their backsides, which is perceived as insincere. Others over-apologize for small acts, dripping with contrition, which damages their credibility. Both of these tactics are ineffective. Like antibiotics, apologies become ineffective with misuse.
The trick is to understand the art of the apology and follow the right steps. Here are some tips straight from page 124 of my new book, Talk Less, Say More, to generate goodwill with a contrite but classy apology:
Don’t sidestep. If an issue embarrasses you, you might instinctively avoid it in an effort to save face. Instead, you’ll look insensitive. A good, honest apology mends relationships and reputations.
Hit the hot button. Focus specifically on the emotional hot button. If you’re criticized for being irresponsible, for example, apologize for your lack of judgment.
State the solution. If there’s a remedy to your transgression, share exactly how you’re going to make it right. This will prevent future arrows from being slung at you.
Focus on the recipient. An apology involves much more than a quick “Oops–sorry!” Make sure the recipient knows that you fully understand the impact of your transgression and that you won’t let it happen again.
Don’t blame the victim. You’ll sound pompous and insincere. Don’t begin with “If I offended anybody…” That sounds like you’re blaming a resentful person for being overly sensitive to remarks that you feel you obviously didn’t intend as an affront. Instead, take responsibility. Say something like, “I offended you and I’m sorry.“
Time is of the essence. Apologize as soon as possible. In today’s Internet age, you can’t wait for the Web to spread bad things before you express your contrition, or people will be convinced that you’re guilty and don’t care.
Don’t inflict wounds. Likes like “No offense, but…” and “Don’t take this personally, but…” are passive-aggressive. You’re saying one thing, but you mean the opposite. What you’re about to say is personal and yes, it’s likely to offend. So instead of qualifying it, be honest and get to the point kindly but decisively.
Let’s face it – we’re all human. Which means that we’re all prone to messing up and hurting someone else’s feelings from time to time, even when we don’t intend to. Hopefully your transgressions won’t be as huge or as public as the ones you’ve witnessed this week on Rude Tube. The key to apologize effectively is to handle it directly, sincerely, and as swiftly as possible.
What a week for high profile heckling. Let’s recap:
1.Kayne West interrupts teenager Taylor Swift’s MTV acceptance speech by jumping on stage, grabbing her microphone, and dissing her selection.
2.Representative Joe Wilson of South Carolina interrupts the president’s address to a joint session of Congress on health care by yelling out “You Lie!”
Both outbursts were on live TV. And both cases of Rude Tube won goodwill for the target, not the heckler.
Many of you have asked me over the years during presentation skills coaching how to handle an incident like this if someone rudely interrupts you during a presentation or Q&A.
As you can now plainly see, the answer is simple and straightforward:
Let the audience respond for you. Count on the fact that decent human beings will recognize bad behavior when they see it. Good people are turned off by rudeness, and they will turn on the heckler. The audience will automatically start pulling for you, even if they didn’t particularly support you before. They’re now in your corner, at least temporarily, so you’ll benefit from their goodwill.
Move on and move away. Take a cue from targets Taylor Swift and Barack Obama. Acknowledge, but don’t encourage. How do you do this? Swiftly move on verbally, and move away from the heckler physically. Don’t give the heckler what he/she craves: more attention.
Both of the high-profile hecklers, West and Wilson, were quick to release public apologies. Why? Peer pressure. The attention they garnered wasn’t what they craved. Both thought they’d be backed up by their peers. Instead, West got booed off stage and Wilson got death stares. Both quickly backed off and apologized, hoping to save face and do damage control.
The fear that you’ll be embarrassed by a rude interrupter during a presentation is real. This fear of public speaking has kept some of you away from the spotlight altogether, sadly. But now, I hope you see that the greater risk is just the opposite. It’s being that guy – the rude interrupter. The incivility of ranting and raving will damage the heckler far more than it could ever hurt you.
So step up to the plate. The audience is pulling for you – not the rude interrupter.
You’ve been leading a high priority mission for months. You’ve pushed. Prodded. You’ve influenced internally because you believe it’s the most vital issue facing your organization. Your team has invested sweat equity and they’re counting on you to make it happen publicly.
At last, it’s time to present your idea to an audience and influence others to take action. So what happens when you finally stand before your audience and take your swing at bat?
You get hijacked during Q&A.
It happened to the President of the United States on his home turf last week. At the end of his prime time health care news conference, Barack Obama answered a hot button question that was totally off-topic. Instead of asking about health care, a reporter asked the president what he thought of the confrontation between Harvard scholar Henry Louis Gates and Cambridge police officer James Crowley. The president weighed in with his opinion on race relations, ending with the tantalizing words “acted stupidly.”
Bingo! Home run for the reporter! She’d successfully hijacked a presidential press conference. If this was a game of chess, she’d just pulled a capture: removing the opponent’s piece or pawn from the board by taking it with one’s own. The president’s health care headline was toast. Now, the headlines were commandeered to scream of the 3 P’s: the president, the professor and the police.
This is a living, breathing reminder to all of us to be mindful of Q&A so that our message doesn’t become part of an opportunistic takeover – friendly or hostile.
Here are a few tips to help ensure that you don’t hijack your own influence during Q&A:
Don’t answer too quickly. If the question is off-topic and hot button, don’t allow yourself to be hijacked. Gently but firmly respond that the question is important but it’s off-topic and will be best addressed during a more appropriate occasion. Offer a specific time when you will provide a thoughtful answer. The key is that you shouldn’t appear to be dodging the question. You’re simply deferring it to a more appropriate time and place.
Keep your answer brief. The more you talk, the more likely you are to get caught up in your underwear and say something you’ll regret. Long answers often lead to an unfortunate choice of words (think “acted stupidly”) that can bite you in the backside. Talk less, but say more.
Bridge back to your key points. The purpose of your presentation is to influence your audience and drive them to action. Never forget that. Use the audience’s questions to reinforce your key points, not to steer the boat in a completely different direction.
Don’t let Q&A be the final word. Always have two closings. 1) The one that ends your prepared remarks before Q&A, and 2) the one that wraps everything up after Q&A. End with power and a strength of conviction that your message is high priority and actionable.
Plan for hot topic tie-ins. You shouldn’t be surprised in today’s “anything goes” society. Think current events. What’s on people’s minds? Prepare, prepare, prepare.
As a communication coach, I guide senior executives in their high-profile presentations. As the day of their presentation draws near, I shift our focus from delivery of their key messages to preparation for high stakes Q&A. I ask every relevant question that I believe their audience might ask to ensure that the executive is influential in driving the ball forward, not backwards. Then, I slip on my broadcaster’s cap and link their topic to other hot-button topics. This is an eye-opening exercise for executives who tell me it has saved them from embarrassment, being at a loss for words, saying something they’d later regret, and a loss of leadership influence. It boosts their confidence to handle anything that comes their way.
My inner Girl Scout constantly whispers the motto “Be prepared” in my ear. Never has that been more essential than in today’s loosey-goosey world of Q&A.
You heard about the married politician caught trysting with his girlfriend in Argentina. On the day he was caught returning from his fun in the sun, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford held a hasty, free association press conference at the statehouse to drop the bomb.
Three words for you, Governor Sanford: Less is more.
His rambling admission of guilt was devastatingly wordy and bizarre. He dithered on about his love of hiking. He blathered about “sparking” with his “dear, dear friend” in Buenos Aires. At last, he meandered into a confession. After finally admitting to philandering, the governor presented his priorities wrong. He tearfully apologized for hurting his girlfriend before he expressed regret that his shameful behavior had damaged his wife and sons, and that he’d done the citizens of South Carolina wrong during his six-day disappearing act.
The governor showed us how not to meet the press.
As a leader, Sanford’s wordy discourse was far too long and misdirected. He needed to talk less and say more.
I hope you’ll never experience a moment of truth quite like this one in your career. However, as a leader you will be called upon to influence the thoughts and actions of others. Here are a few tips to help you influence intentionally:
Don’t confuse talking with influencing. Most leaders think influence means showing up and giving a speech. They want to look good, sound intelligent, and come across as well as possible. However, the real goal of influence is to move people to commit to action. That means touching hearts and minds, not merely talking your way out of (or into) something.
Don’t shoot for a quick fix. It’s not the short game that matters – it’s the long game. The Governor will learn this over the coming months as he’s judged by his constituents, citizens and family. A hastily arranged press conference (or meeting) solves nothing. When attendees are caught off guard, they can’t fully process the information you dump on them, which means that you’ve merely delayed the final outcome.
Move people in the direction you desire. Communicate with purpose. Not just because you believe that a communication of some sorts is called for. The Governor was too quick on the trigger to address the media. His goal should have been to get the story out of the news, not to get tongues wagging and create even more drama.
Cut the distractions. Did you see the young faces behind the governor as he spoke? They were smiling broadly as he choked up. How weird. Be aware of your surroundings during leadership communications – or make sure that someone else is watching out for you.
Keep it brief and simple. The key to communication in the 21st century is brevity. Attention spans are collapsing. Demands on time are increasing. Master the complex business of simplicity. If you blather on, you risk losing people’s attention…and their respect.
Sanford’s Wall Street wife was far more succinct. Her statements to the press have been pithy, if a bit understandably passive-aggressive. So far, she’s winning the oh-so-polite war of words for public support.
Leadership communication is about aligning people to influence their thoughts and actions. I encourage you to be purposeful about communicating with influence. Take time to distill your message instead of being long-winded. In today’s world, saying less is truly more.
Nearly 10 million people tuned in for a record-shattering season premiere of Jon & Kate Plus 8 this week. I’ll tie this to you in the workplace in a moment — I promise there’s a business communication connection. The tension was palpable as the bickering couple, caught up in the cheating chatter, came together for their sextuplets’ fifth birthday party.
We’re talking frozen tundra frosty. Ultra-chilly. These two were so cold, the cameras needed de-icing.
Jon and Kate scooched as far apart on the couch as possible, closed off to each other, sending undeniable signals that they’re miserable and their relationship is on the rocks.
Despite trying to play nice for the cameras, their body language revealed that they’re merely doing what they have to do to earn a paycheck. “Kate and I are going through some stuff,” said a glum-looking Jon. You think?
That’s where YOU come in. Are you going through some stuff in the workplace? Is there someone who gets under your skin and, despite your best intentions to hide your true feelings, your irritation or loathing is showing more than you want it to?
Your body talk sends messages that people decode. They size you up in seconds and draw conclusions about whether you’re credible, likable, or trustworthy. Despite the words you choose, people are first influenced by “hearing” your body language. Before they’ll believe your words, they must first buy into your body talk.
Here are a few body language tips from my upcoming Talk Less, Say More book to help you come across at your best:
Fight the urge to close yourself off. Your instinct is to move away from a person whom you secretly despise. Fight it. It won’t be a secret if you point your body in the opposite direction. Remind yourself to unlock your arms, look at them with as much warmth as you can muster, and conquer your desire to ice, ice baby.
Avoid Code Red. Discover what specific situations or people trigger an elevated state of anxiety or anger and learn to manage your behavior during these situations. You can’t control the other person’s actions, so focus on managing your own. Don’t damage your career by being the person who’s known for giving someone else the cold shoulder or for crumbling under pressure. Don’t just cope with the situation. Own it.
Keep it real. Gestures and movements are most effective when they’re a natural extension of the feelings you’re trying to express. But they will undercut your message it if they come across as forced, fake or harsh. Match your movements to the intensity you want to project and they’ll work to your advantage.
Conquer your mannerisms. Unlike gestures that you do intentionally, mannerisms are the unconscious movements that you make, often in anxious situations – like touching your nose, twirling your hair or scratching your neck. Ask someone you trust to reveal your habitual mannerisms so you can be aware of them and control them when you’re dealing with difficult people.
Don’t stifle positive gestures. Some people mistakenly believe they talk with their hands too much. That’s rare. If your arm movements distract from your words, then yes, they can be too much. But most gestures are heartfelt and congruent with your words so therefore, they help to improve your energy level. (Just don’t gesture with a one-finger salute, of course!)
We can’t love everyone we work with, so uncomfortable situations are bound to happen to you, either with co-workers or clients. Hopefully, there won’t be TV cameras recording your every move for ten million people to judge. But in this age of Twitter, cell phones that videotape, and YouTube, you never know who’ll be tuned in next….
The difference between winning and losing may come down to how people perceive the sound of your voice.
As a broadcaster, I spent many years in recording studios. I was astounded to learn there was a major difference between how my voice sounded inside my head…and the way it sounded when the engineer played back the recording. I didn’t come across nearly as energetic or upbeat as my voice sounded in my head. Instead, I sounded flat and bored. I had to learn to boost my energy level to compensate.
The same is likely true of your voice. You may be coming across as bored, disinterested, stiff or icy – even when you don’t intend to. Why is this critical? Because it has a direct impact on how others respond to you and your leadership.
Let’s take your outgoing voice mail message as a quick barometer. Ever listen to it? Most of us think the recording is distorted and doesn’t sound like us. We assume we sound much better in real life.
Sadly, we’re dead wrong.
Today’s digital doesn’t lie. The recording is far more accurate than the voice you hear inside your head. That’s because you have a distorted perception of how you sound. Why? Your head acts as an echo chamber. Your bones reverberate when you talk, so your voice sounds bigger, louder and more energetic inside your head than it does when it mixes with oxygen and others hear it.
Worried that you aren’t coming across well? Here are a few tips to help you stop repelling and start attracting with your voice:
Use vocal variety. Don’t hypnotize or lull people to sleep by speaking in the same continuous tone. Sameness is the death of any speaker. Switch it up. Use all the range in your voice – highs, lows, and mid-tones.
Shift the speed. Speed is another energy indicator. A constant rhythm is a sedative to the ears. Don’t drone on at the same pace. Shift between faster and slower speeds.
Use shorter sentences. Some people sound boring because every sentence they speak is long. Toss in shorter sentences as often as you can. You’ll be amazed at how this breaks the monotony and makes people sit up and take notice.
Use the “Power Pause.” After you make an important point, let it breathe. Don’t rush to fill the silence. People are intrigued by momentary silence, so throw in what I call the “Power Pause” when you need to command attention. Let a point sink in and you’ll gain power.
Thin is not in. Your voice is shaped by breath support. Breathing too shallowly and speaking from the throat creates a thin, weak voice. Instead, breathe deeply from your diaphragm. Go to the gut. It can make your voice sound richer, more powerful, and a full register lower.
Check your intensity. Sometimes you need to tone it down and not come on too strong – especially if you’re delivering bad or unwelcome news. Match your energy level to the specific situation.
Energy boosts likability, which is a key ingredient to generate commitment from others. Likability forms the framework for the rest of the signals people gather about you and the ideas that you communicate.
So improve your voice – and you’ll improve your ability to influence and make things happen.
You’re a smart person. The axe is falling on leaders everywhere and you want to come across as valuable and indispensable, right? Here’s a quick cautionary tale to bullet-proof your credibility, straight from your TV.
Time for a how-not-to-do-it lesson from Jim Cramer, the host of CNBC’s Mad Money.
Did you see Cramer get smacked down by Jon Stewart on The Daily Show this month? The normally effusive Cramer transformed into a whipping boy, seriously undermining his credibility. After the smoke cleared, Cramer blamed his wimpy performance on his upbringing, saying he was raised “to take the high road.”
Jim, Jim, Jim. Think again. You allowed yourself to be mugged.
In today’s world, taking “the high road” means protecting your credibility (your brand) as well as that of your organization in a smart, thoughtful manner. A successful appearance either: A) enhances the brand, or B) protects the brand. If your integrity is being attacked, you must protect yourself or risk being roadkill. Let’s review where Cramer went wrong so you can avoid the same fate, whether you’re meeting the media or taking Q&A at a meeting:
Cramer agreed to a TV interview clearly billed as a “confrontation.” A duel. In that context, Stewart’s performance was dead-on. Cramer’s was dead-on-arrival.
A smackdown scenario could happen to you with an adversary, known or otherwise, in today’s one-up, know-it-all world. Here are two things you should not do:
Don’t underestimate your opponent. Cramer pegged Jon Stewart as a late night comedian. A panty-weight opponent. Wrong. Jon Stewart is an ultra-smart, uber-influential man with a forum to express his viewpoints, for which he’s very passionate. Advice: Know thine enemy. Better to overestimate their savvy than underestimate it.
Don’t think you can just “wing it.” For a prognosticator, Cramer was spectacularly short-sighted. Lack of preparation against an opponent is a death wish in today’s connected world. Cramer didn’t do his homework – he had no key messages. Thus, he had no influence. Stewart was locked and loaded: Cramer was shell-shocked. Advice: Be prepared to defend your point of view – deeply, clearly and influentially. Don’t allow yourself to be blind-sided and thrown off your game.
Wasn’t it amazing how Cramer groveled and went down in flames? The same thing could happen to you if you’re not prepared. Plenty of leaders are getting skewered – and damaged – by today’s empowered, informed audiences.
Bottom line – when profitability is on the line, you cannot “wing it” anymore. The best-prepared leader wins.
Take this to the bank: Poor preparation leads to poor outcomes, especially in a tough economic climate. Don’t become a casualty.
As a communication coach for leaders, I should send Jim Cramer a thank you card for painfully demonstrating my point.
Let’s say you get 100 e-mails a day. (Everybody wants to “keep you in the loop.”) Do you realize how much of your time that’s eating up? At 3 minutes a piece, it takes you 5 hours to read and respond. 5 solid hours! No wonder you’re having trouble getting things done – you’re stuck in e-mail jail.
Ready to tame this time-sucker? It’s time to practice better word of mouse.
Starting today, let people know that you’re adopting a new policy to help everyone lighten the load. You’ll gradually train others to stop overloading you with e-mails. But it starts with you. The better you send, the better you receive.
Here are the 10 Worst E-Mail Mistakes and how to correct them before sending your next e-mail:
Using email as your automatic weapon. Don’t impulsively tap away just because e-mail is your favorite method. Pick up the phone or -gasp- actually talk face-to-face with someone again. This can speed things up considerably for both of you. Also, don’t assume that people have read what you sent them 3 hours ago. If you’re sending time-sensitive or critical information, use the dual format: follow your e-mail with a brief, heads-up confirmation call.
Wimpy or lazy subject lines. Use the subject line to briefly summarize important content. Make it meaningful and timely to the recipient because most of us scan the subject lines in order to decide whether we’ll open, forward or trash incoming messages. Don’t leave the subject line blank or write wimpy, generic subjects like “FYI,” “The File You Requested,” or “Project Update.” Be more specific and actionable. And don’t be lazy and keep replying with the same subject line. Refresh your subject line as the subject changes.
Burying the lead. It’s rude to force someone to wade through 2 screens of information before you get to the action that you’re requesting. If you want to get things done, say so in the first paragraph. Frontload your e-mail with what matters most. Think newspaper headline. Lead with what’s new and what you want the reader to absorb and act upon.
Long-winded messages. Try to whittle your e-mail down to one screen or less because most people don’t read past the first page. Plus, we often hit “reply” before we finish reading the whole thing, anyway. If you have several items to convey, create a list. Number or bullet your points so they jump off the screen and are easy for the reader’s brain to process. Be as pithy as possible. Brevity leads to quicker, better responses.
Habitual High Priority! flagging. We all know the story of the boy who cried wolf, don’t we? Overusing the High Priority! flag makes you that boy. Just because it’s important to you does not make it important to the recipient. Think fire drill. The flag means that information is time-sensitive and needs action straight way. It’s not a status symbol or power play. Don’t use it to convey “The boss’s name is in here, so open it now!” or “We have a new employee!”
Tone deafness. E-mail is a magnet for misunderstandings. Sometimes we send words that unintentionally rub others the wrong way, depending upon your current frame of mind – or theirs. When people misread your tone, “You’ve got mail!” can morph into “You’ve got trouble!” Gut check your e-mails: how would I interpret this if it landed in my in-box? Also, refrain from sending or responding to emotional e-mails in the workplace. Sending an e-mail is like sending a postcard. If you wouldn’t want it pinned to the bulletin board, don’t send it.
Copying too many people. Copying lots of people habitually is a heinous crime. Ask yourself: “Why am I sending this to each recipient?” Let people know at the start of the message specifically what they should do with it. Do they need to make a decision? Is action required? Or is it just for awareness? If it’s just to cover your butt, don’t send the copy. As for BCC, (blind carbon copy) its purpose is to protect individuals’ e-mail addresses when sending bulk messages, not to send stealth, sneaky copies. As for “Reply All,” it’s usually an oops! mistake. Rarely do you need to reply to everyone unless you enjoy grandstanding or power trips.
Grammar and misspellings. Reading from a screen is more difficult than reading from paper. Use standard capitalization and spelling. don’t use all lower case – it signals laziness. DON’T USE ALL CAPS – IT LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE SHOUTING! Make your e-mail personal by adding a greeting at the top. Skip lines between paragraphs. (White space is good.) And always proofread. If an e-mail is really important, print a copy to proof it. You’ll often catch mistakes on paper that you didn’t notice on the screen.
Forwarding without editing. Don’t just forward e-mails intact if the recipient didn’t intend for their thoughts to be passed along. Do a little triage to make it appropriate for the recipient. Edit out any personal comments that could get the original sender in trouble.
Sending unwanted attachments. Your goal is to reduce the number of steps that your recipient must take in order to act upon your message, right? Then don’t bog them down. When possible, copy and paste the most relevant passages into the body of the e-mail. Besides, you can bring down an entire e-mail system with a file that’s too large or virus-laden, and some systems automatically remove attachments, anyway.
Finally, a bonus habit since you made it this far. (Promise you won’t hyperventilate at this suggestion?) Stop checking your e-mail obsessively. Turn off the “auto-check” feature that pings every few minutes, and limit yourself to checking e-mail a few times a day. (BlackBerry readers excluded.) You’ll give yourself breathing room to focus and get things done again.
It’s time to stop letting the tail way the dog. Grab control of your send & receive habits and you’ll write your own chapter of Send & Sensibility.
We’re living in a harsh, harsh world. I’m sure you’ve noticed that you can now get a daily dose of cheap shots here on the Internet. Follow the comment section after most web entries and you’ll find boatloads of hyper-critical, snarky comments. Turn on your TV and there it is again – the Simon Cowell effect – people openly judging and grading others harshly. Ouch.
As I’ve coached high-powered clients recently, I’ve been struck by a recurring, performance-draining concern that leaders share with me (and one I’ve faced, too) that craters confidence: fear of criticism. The fear that you won’t measure up to expectations and will be judged severely as a result.
Fear of criticism is like kryptonite to a leader.
It’s a powerful deterrent that drains your confidence and power. Sometimes your biggest critic is your own inner voice. Sometimes it’s others’ ruthless opinions. Either way, it leads to one of three depleting communication styles:
Holding back instead of contributing, in order to avoid having your ideas criticized
Being overly-defensive when well-meaning people offer useful suggestions, or
Playing it too safe by communicating a boring, vanilla version of your ideas instead of aiming for outstanding.
Most leaders tell me their fear of criticism pre-dates the Internet. Some trace it back to childhood, when they experienced excessive criticism that stuck in their heads like a broken record. Others say they witnessed tongue-lashings in the workplace and fear receiving the same fate, which causes them to lack confidence and reduce risks.
As an executive communication coach, I’ve learned there’s no connection between competence and confidence. Even the most capable leaders can be crippled by the secret fear of criticism. Here are a few tips to help you overcome it:
Forget perfection, think excellence. High performers often strive for flawless, which means aiming for the impossible. Think excellence, instead, to get over that self-limiting hurdle. Give yourself permission to be your best at this moment, not the best of all time.
Switch your focus from internal to external. You don’t want to hear this, but ego is involved. Often, a fear of criticism reveals that you’re too concerned with what others think of you. Turn it around. Manage your thoughts to concentrate on meeting your receiver’s needs, not on how they may be sizing you up.
Don’t be an avoider. Criticism doesn’t have to actually occur to cause anxiety or injury. Perhaps that critical voice in your head is carrying too much weight. Learn to face your fears. Starting today, create a positive inner daily dialogue to overrule and replace your hypercritical self-talk.
Keep the criticizer’s goal in mind. Some bosses, clients and others may offer criticism because they want to help you perform at the top of your game. Their feedback may be intended solely to improve your performance, not to take a personal shot. Perhaps they’re sharing the wisdom of lessons learned.
Resist the temptation to become defensive. Do you jump in and cut off criticism with knee-jerk reactions? If so, you may escalate the situation. Tough critics can grow more determined to zap you again next time. And in these cases, there will be a next time. Stay open-minded.
Ask for clarification. One of the best aproaches to handle criticism is to listen carefully, let the person finish, and then ask for specific clarifications. That way, you hear their full point of view and stand the best chance to correct what’s may need to be fixed.
Learning to conquer criticism gracefully is a sign of leadership and maturity. It communicates respect – both for yourself and the others who share their viewpoints.
Just don’t fall into the trap of doling out cruel criticisms youself. Shallow criticism without direction is a useless power play.
Out with the old, in with the new. As we say goodbye to George Bush and his colorful, sometimes mangled communications, (can you say misunderestimated?) we usher in a new era of oratory.
We’re shifting to a new Communicator-in-Chief. What do I mean by this? A Communicator-in-Chief is a leader whose messages are so pragmatic, on point, and invigorating that his words spark immediate actions. His/her messages unite, inspire and challenge others to reach their collective highest performance. Communicators-in-Chief make things happen. President Bush was at the top of his game when, with a bullhorn to his lips and a firefighter at his hip, he stood atop the rubble in New York City after 9/11 and rallied our country. Barack Obama promises to be an exceptional Communicator-in-Chief, which I’ll get to in a moment.
First, let’s focus on you. Are you a Communicator-in-Chief? You are if your job depends upon making things happen through others. There are three habits you must master to reach your highest performance:
You must connect engagingly. It’s essential to engage others straight away in today’s distraction-driven, short attention span world. People tune out quickly today. You’ll attract and earn people’s attention by frontloading your communications with what’s truly relevant and matters most to them.
You must convey clearly. We’re living in an information-overload society. Tossing too many facts and figures around is like adding empty junk food calories to your diet. Junk words dilute your message and lead to confusion, not clarity. You must make a conscious choice to pare down your words and deliver shorter, more visually stimulating messages if you want people to retain the information you share.
You must convince specifically. It’s not the talk that matters, it’s the action. It’s critical that you be ultra-specific about the step you want people to take. Now is not the time for assumptions or vagueness. What, precisely, do you want others to do? Make your viewpoint or request utterly actionable because that’s the key to making things happen without delay in our busy world.
Develop these three habits and you’ll set in motion a transformative process to ensure that people listen to you, understand you, and take action. (These are the principles in my forthcoming book, Talk Less, Say More, which will be in bookstores this fall.)
Incoming President-Elect Barack Obama has so far been an extraordinary Communicator-in-Chief which, ironically, his detractors hold against him. His critics call him “Mr. Podium.” They argue that he merely talks a good game. I’m not buying that. While I agree that blowhards are not true leaders, from what I’ve seen, Obama’s no blowhard. His words are based on visions that are implemented to unite and inspire action. Isn’t that the opposite of empty rhetoric? Far from merely talking a good game, if you communicate your visions effectively, action is the endgame.
Top Communicators-in-Chief also choose interactive formats to help others feel invested and make their messages people-powered. In 2009, YouTube is the new fireside chat. LinkedIn is the new press release. Bloggers are the new reporters. Tweeters are the new cheerleaders. Barack Obama’s team wisely used interactive tools to unite and invite voters to the polls. Even better, his incoming administration is promising to remake the stodgy White House website to invite citizens’ feedback.
What about you? Are you using the right tools to communicate your messages in the 21st century … or are you stuck in one-way, old-school memo style? Your messages can trigger immediate feedback in the Age of Input which, if you’re smart, will supplement and improve your decision-making.
My challenge to you is this: develop your skills to inspire, unite, and move others to action. Choose a communication habit to improve (connect, convey, or convince) and write down 3 things you’ll start doing immediately to master the habit. Take these steps, and you’ll be on your way to becoming an exceptional Communicator-in-Chief.
News reports throughout the weekend referred to Jett Travolta as “the son of John Travolta” and called the boy’s death “The John Travolta Tragedy.” The boy’s motherwas an afterthought in the news reports, if she was even mentioned at all.
I realize this is the power of celebrity – John Travolta is a bigger star than his wife, and reporters habitually zero in on the most popular person. But it still struck me as shallow. Kelly Preston’s contributions and grief as the boy’s mother were minimized by small-minded reporting.
That’s why I was heartened when both stars’ websites released a carefully-crafted, heartfelt statement calling Jett “the most wonderful son that two parents could ever ask for.” Did you catch that? Two parents. It was a subtle, but clear message to reporters that parents aren’t soloists, despite the fact that one partner may be more visible than the other.
What does this have to do with your leadership communication? Everything. It’s very telling whether you have a pattern of sharing credit with others … or whether you hog the limelight for yourself, even inadvertently.
Successful leadership is a joint venture. Always. The very concept of leadership presupposes teamwork. It’s important that you don’t monopolize the credit, but share it with others generously. That you recognize, praise and reward others.
Study the most successful coaches in professional sports and you’ll see this principal in action. Top coaches know that recognition motivates others to perform at their highest levels. When teams win, coaches generously tell the world what a great job their players did. If they’re really savvy, their praise is specific. They don’t hog the credit. And when their teams lose, savvy coaches don’t duck. They face the flack, shoulder the responsibility and take the blame publicly.
As a leader, you must decide early on how you want to play this. Will you share credit or hog it? Will you accept blame or point fingers? The people on your team who help you achieve your goals will grow tired of never getting credit for their contributions. They will grow disheartened, start grumbling and eventually, they will quit.
We all inherently want and need to be recognized for our contributions. If you don’t communicate your praise out loud, how are others to know that you’re grateful?
The wise person knows that acknowledging the contributions of others is key. A true leader spreads praise and credit and, in return, is rewarded with loyalty.
Game over. Cleveland Browns owner Randy Lerner moved swiftly to fire his front office following the final, crushing loss of the season. He cut general manager Phil Savage loose by phone after Sunday’s defeat, and then sacked coach Romeo Crennel the next morning. Most Joes and pros alike support Lerner’s moves because the team under-performed in humiliating fashion this season.
What caused the under-performance? The failure can be traced to the top. Browns insiders say Phil Savage lacked more than just scoreboard numbers. They say he was woefully deficient in communication and leadership skills.
I believe communication and leadership are joined at the hip. The leader is communicator-in-chief. And I don’t mean giving speeches. The first thing any leader delivers is culture. It’s the leaders responsibility to create a winning culture. The championship mindset begins with an open, clear communication path that cascades throughout the organization. Information must flow freely in both directions, with candor and clarity. Without this, organizations unravel and under-perform.
Savage’s leadership communication style smacked of rookie. He created distractions for the players and coaching staff and drew too much attention to himself. Two examples were a public spat with tight end Kellen Winslow over releasing information about team staph infections, and a profane e-mail exchange with a fan.
The Browns organization created a new playbook in how not to communicate. Faced with a leadership communication vacuum, bad habits prevailed as people jockeyed for position, covered their butts, withheld information, took pot shots, or became long-winded. Lacking direction, everyone freestyled their communication. Clearly, the results were disastrous.
This is not to say the dreadful season was all Savage’s fault. The NFL is famous for its revolving door and zero job security. Players are paid to hit, hit, hit. The front office is paid to replace, replace, replace. Stress levels are through the roof as everyone in the organization faces store-window scrutiny and is all too aware of the disposable nature of their job. It’s a challenge to motivate and inspire self confidence.
Here’s where it spiraled out of control: Savage confused leadership with power. The two couldn’t be more different. Leadership means elevating others’ performances, making the whole greater than the sum of its parts. Power, on the other hand, means “me, first.” It’s a narcissistic, alpha-male act that leads others to under-perform. The quest for personal power destroys trust, triggering the team to be less than the sum of its parts.
Savage’s football skills led him to the job. His lack of leadership communication tackled him from behind.
I believe this leadership meltdown is a forehead-slapping moment of clarity. It takes more than talent to reach the top of any profession. This is Randy Lerner’s chance to smack it through the middle of the uprights in Cleveland, to attain the level of success he’s enjoyed recently with his English soccer club.
It starts with hiring a leader who will make creating a winning culture his first priority.
I feel sorry for cashiers these days. Not just because their work flow soars during the holiday rush, but because they’re on the receiving end ofnon-stop rude encounters. One by one, customers are now yakking away on cell phones during check-out.
You’ve seen it happen. The person in front of you is laying her items on the counter when her cell phone rings. She digs through her purse, answers it, gives the cashier the “wait” salute with her index finger, and then proceeds to blab away with an invisible friend about something trivial. Everyone behind her is delayed when the cashier, who has a question, can’t complete the transaction. Or, if the cashier can finish the transaction, the cell phone blabber merely grabs the receipt and strides away. No thank you to the real, live person who just helped her. The blabber seems totally oblivious to anyone else’s feelings or needs.
This behavior is inconsiderate, disrespectful and selfish. It treats cashiers like second class citizens, which they’re not, and forces all of us to listen to silly conversations. I’ve been polling cashiers recently to see how often this happens to them. Sadly, they say it’s relentless.
The bottom line is that cell phone calls in public are not merely a two-person activity. We drag others in when we blab away in grocery aisles, restaurants, airplanes, book stores and movie theaters. The boundaries of privacy have been blown as people yak away anywhere and everywhere. I think all this cell phone blabbing is bothersome and inappropriate. How about you? What bugs you most?
There’s a simple guideline that I’ve taught my children that may apply here: just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. In this case, just because it rings, doesn’t mean you should answer. (Unless it’s an emergency, of course.) If your “private” conversation will interrupt or be inconsiderate to others who are present, please resist the urge to chat away just because it’s good for you. Some restraint is in order – that’s why there’s voice mail.
Today is Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich 52nd birthday. The gift to his state? His arrest. Wiretaps show he’s a profanely arrogant, self-absorbed man with a supreme sense of entitlement. The U.S. Attorney’s office says he tried to sell Obama’s vacated Senate seat and demanded campaign contributions in return for state funding.
His relentless pursuit of power and financial gain are disgustingly blatant abuses of the privilege of leadership. Clearly, he’s the sinner in this tale.
Now, let’s contrast that with the leadership saint. His name is Kent Clapp. Many of you outside of Ohio don’t know Kent – and sadly, you’ll never get the chance. Clapp, the CEO of Ohio’s largest insurance company, died last week trying to keep his commitments to community and company. After he missed his flight from the British Virgin Islands to Puerto Rico at the end of a brief, well-deserved vacation, Kent found a private pilot to fly him to Puerto Rico so he could still catch his scheduled commercial flight home to North America. Never mind that he was fearful of small, private planes. He was trying to get back to the office for a meeting with a community leader the next morning and for his company’s annual Christmas party that night.
The private plane, apparently lost in heavy fog, crashed into the side of a mountain. Kent Clapp was dead at age 62.
Why did he board the small plane if he was wary of them? Because as a leader, Kent never let anyone down. He didn’t want to miss a meeting on his calendar. And, contrasted with the governor of Illinois, he never asked for anything in return.
Kent Clapp turned Medical Mutual around by assuming the leadership helm when the company was in turmoil ten years ago. Prior to that, he’d patiently worked his way up through the ranks, thirty years in all. Once he was named CEO, he guided the company’s 2,700 employees to blossom into a highly successful organization that, at the time of his death, had expanded to eight states.
Everyone in the organization loved him, from his executive team to the janitorial staff. He insisted everyone call him Kent, not Mr. Clapp. He always had time for everyone. He was accessible and thoughtful. Not a hint of leadership arrogance.
Kent will be laid to rest this week. He leaves behind a legacy of unselfish leadership along with a family of six children. A heartfelt goodbye to Kent Clapp.
As for Illinois Governor Blagojevich? He’ll be remembered as a brazenly selfish wheeler dealer. Let’s say good riddance to the sinful man who’s now clinging to power. True leadership is not about power. As we learned from Kent Clapp, leadership means integrity, commitment and putting others before yourself.
As I watched President-Elect Obama’s news conference announcing his national security team nominees this morning, it reminded me of why I sat on a phone book behind the anchor desk.
Let me explain why I boosted my butt on a book first, and then I’ll link it to today’s news conference and your executive presence.
In 20 years of anchoring the news, I was paired with lots of male co-anchors. Some of these guys were a foot taller than me. Television news sets were designed and constructed by men, with the desk height created to comfortably seat and showcase an anchorman’s long torso. If I, at 5 feet, 5 inches, planted my tush squarely on the chair seat beside the man, I would came off looking like his little sister. My head would reach his shoulders. So I decided to even the playing field. I boosted my butt in order to have an equal “seat at the table” in the eyes of viewers.
I didn’t let my diminutive frame diminish my executive presence.
Now let me link this to today’s news conference. Obama spoke first, so the podium microphone was set for his height. Hillary Clinton spoke next. She had enough experience to move the double mic down a few inches so it didn’t hide her face in the press photos. Good move, Hillary.
Then we come to Susan Rice, the United Nations ambassador nominee. When Rice, a brilliant Rhodes Scholar, stepped to the microphone as the final nominee, she sounded smart, but looked silly. The microphone came all the way up to her eyeballs, totally obliterating her face. Now picture the scene in your mind: it was a double microphone. Two black spheres. Each microphone hid an eyeball. As her head bobbed up and down reading her script, the hardware danced from her eyeballs to her forehead. It was almost comical, making it hard to concentrate on a word she said. If I was her coach, I would’ve advised her to adjust the microphone in order to safeguard her dignity and allow people to concentrate on her intellect and her message, not be distracted by the silly scene.
My point: people’s perception of your presence can elevate your leadership, or diminish it. Be conscious of how your physical presence is coming across and take action, whether that means moving microphones or sitting taller. The eyes trump the ears. Help people listen to your message.
It’s Thanksgiving evening. You’re stuffed. Bloated. Lethargic. In a turkey coma.
Does this uncomfortable feeling remind you of anything? How about the last presentation you sat through? Or worse, the last one you delivered?
Most presentations are bloated. They’re stuffed with waaaay too much information which causes attendees to slip into presentation-induced comas. Every fact, figure, and statistic you uncovered made its way into your over-stuffed, text-laden slides, which left your audience feeling sluggish.
Ready to tackle presentation weight gain? Stop informing and start influencing.
Your job as a presenter is to share insights and analysis to help your audience make a decision and move forward. Over-informing is a toxic type of miscommunication. Don’t pass on every fact and figure you uncover as you research your topic. Instead, funnel it down into what matters most.
Why is this critical? Because over-stuffing a presentation leaves your audience confused and stuffed. And confused brains don’t take action. They shut down. Which requires even more meetings and presentations to clear up the mess and finally influence others to move forward.
So fight presentation bloat. Don’t pack on the pounds when you present. Think influence, not information. Your audience will thank you by taking quicker action.
When I picked up my 15 year old daughter from an activity this week, I saw her standing there, waiting for me, tapping away at her cell phone. “Who were you texting?” I asked cheerfully as she slid into the car. “No one,” she replied, “I was just faking it.”
Are you nodding your head right now? My teenager clued me in on a growing trend: I’ll call it the chronic communi-faker. Whenever teens feel awkward in public, they whip out their phones and pretend to be engrossed in text messaging.
Now think about this. Haven’t you pretended to make or take a cell phone call in order to avoid speaking face-to-face with someone? Gen Y simply skips the counterfeit conversation…they let their fingers do the faking. And they don’t just communi-fake to avoid talking. They use it as impression management.
In today’s wired world, we all want to appear actively engaged with others, even when we’re not. We want others to think we’re connected, so we don’t feel like lonely losers. Boomers instinctively pull our phones to our ears. Younger generations tap, tap, tap.
I coached three groups of clients in presentation skills this week, so I used the opportunity to poll plenty of professionals about their experiences with communi-faking. EVERYONE, every single person, admitted to being a communi-faker. Even CEOs. Let’s see if you relate to the 5 most common reasons why people told me they communi-fake:
“To avoid talking to someone I don’t want to speak with.”
“So I don’t feel self-conscious about being alone.”
“To ditch a pushy salesman or a boring conversation.”
“I’m addicted to my phone – I feel naked if I’m not using it.”
“For protection in a parking lot.”
Using a phone as a parking lot protector seems sensible, as long as you stay aware of what’s happening around you. But don’t the other reasons strike you as dodging or ditching face-to-face conversations, or of being insecure?
Bottom line: communi-faking shows we have a primal need to connect with others, which I take as a positive sign. Score one for the human race. But face-to-face communication skills are plummeting as we avoid true engagement. Ironically, as we fake-connect, we’re disconnecting by tuning others out.
Plus, there’s always this concern with communi-faking: what if your phone rings when you’re on a faux call?
Like you, I’ve paid close attention to Barack Obama. As a communication coach, I’ve specifically zeroed in on his ability to get his points across and move people to action.
From a communication perspective, Obama won the race because he successfully applied 3 habits. They’re simple, but profound habits: He connected. He conveyed. He convinced.
These habits are a playbook for business leaders around the world. I could write a book on them. Matter of fact, I have. Talk Less, Say More is scheduled to be released in 2009. Let me summarize these habits quickly by highlighting just a few ways that Obama applied them successfully:
Habit #1: Connect. One of the biggest issues facing any leader today is to engage people in our distraction-driven, listening-impaired, short attention span world. Barack Obama’s campaign connected with what Americans wanted and valued most. He stayed in our moment and tapped into our hot-button issue, the economy. And he delivered it with what I call your PMOC: your Preferred Method of Communication. Early on, his team went digital, using 21st century methods to a wildly successful advantage. For example, Obama’s team text-messaged better than any teenager I’ve ever seen. (And I’m raising two of the most prolific texters in America.) He also engaged us by bringing us together, habitually stressing the United States, not merely red and blue states.
Habit #2: Convey. It’s a real challenge to cut through today’s information overload. Getting your point across requires clarity in order to prevent confusion. Obama learned to make his points with vivid clarity, avoiding ambiguity. Maybe you don’t agree with his viewpoints, but he conveys them transparently, without gumming them up. Storytelling is a key, and Obama’s story was one of humble origins. His campaign was full of stirring videos and his infomercial, watched by more than 32 million people last week, weaved a “my story is your story” narrative to convey that he understands your economic fears and other concerns like health care.
Habit #3: Convince. People are pulled in so many directions today, both in the office and in the voting booth, that it’s a challenge to sway them. As a leader, it’s critical to move people to commit to action. Decisiveness is one of the keys. And Obama is a master decision maker. He allows others to speak their minds, and then he makes the decision. No second-guessing. No waffling. He sticks with his decisions, which sways others to join him. I believe the debates put Obama over the top by demonstrating his decisiveness and calm demeanor. He also capitalized on what I call “peer power.” He gained clout by bringing well-connected people like Oprah Winfrey, Ted Kennedy, Warren Buffett, and Colin Powell into his corner and allowing them to transfer their clout to him.
John McCain used these 3 habits in his concession speech last night, as well. Didn’t you think it was one of the most touching, unifying speeches in political history?
Can you use these habits in the business world? Yes, you can. You can Connect-Convey-Convince® your way to success.
You thought this day would never come, but it’s finally here. Election day. You’ve chosen the leader who makes the most sense to you. But now, let’s focus on your leadership. Are you the chosen one among your peers? If there were a vote today on what you have to offer, would others willingly cast their ballots and commit to you? In other words, does your leadership inspire or repel?
The first step to gain commitment is to connect with your target audience. To engage them. We, collectively as Americans, got engaged when Wall Street collapsed and our personal financial security was at risk. So I ask you this: how good are you at engaging the people whom you lead or wish to lead?
Need a tip on how to connect better? Here’s one: pay attention to what they pay attention to. People are engaged by what they want and value. They pay close attention to those things and act upon them.
In order to strengthen your leadership ask yourself this: do you tap into people’s specific needs and values? In my executive coaching practice, I’ve seen many leaders delude themselves into thinking they know what people want. They assume they know. Unfortunately, they’re often wrong. The solution is simple but profound: Listen and watch carefully for what your target audience wants and values. The answers are hidden in plain sight.
If you pay attention to what they pay attention to, you’ll get a clear picture of how to engage people. And engagement is the first step to earn a positive response, in the voting booth and in your workplace.
I can read your mind. Not another story about Joe the Plumber, you’re thinking. Good news. This isn’t about Joe, the nation’s newest household name invoked again and again during the final presidential debate. It’s about you and your ability to make a point that people actually remember, repeat and respond to.
Let’s start with this premise: you’re boring people with mind-numbingly dull factoids. Oh, you don’t mean to. But your messages are often mundane, so you’re being tuned out. Ignored. Overlooked.
What’s the antidote? A well-placed story, like the plumber parable. That’s why both candidates latched on to Joe, even though he later sprung a few leaks. Suddenly, complex, hard-to-comprehend issues like tax plans and health care options were vivid. Big, bald Joe had a repeatable narrative – for each party. Here are a few tips to help you tap into your inner storyteller to communicate your business goals and plans:
1. Make it about them, not you. Help your audience envision themselves in the story. Tell it from the perspective of someone who’s similar to them, like Joe, not from your own viewpoint. That will trigger listeners to do two highly desirable things: to understand and care.
2. Have a clear purpose that’s simple and spry. What is the specific idea that you’re trying to help people grasp? How will it change their lives? Keep the story’s essence in mind and resist the urge to incorporate too many lessons into one story. The story should be simple and spry to support your point, not become the point.
3. Trim the fat. Don’t get bogged down in excess details. Your story is a means to the end, not the end itself. Share enough specifics to ignite imaginations, but not so many that your listeners get lost in irrelevant details.
4. Discover the leaks yourself. Shortly after the candidates made Joe a household name, reporters and bloggers discovered a few problems with his Everyman story. His name wasn’t exactly Joe, he wasn’t a licensed plumber and he was delinquent on his taxes. Oops. Say it ain’t so, Joe! The moral of this story: thoroughly research your story’s star so inquiring minds don’t get distracted by side issues and discount you as a result. Today’s audiences can Google topics as you speak and some of them love to challenge you.
5. Relive it as you tell it. When delivering your story, use what I call “planned spontaneity.” Make it real and unrehearsed-sounding so the audience can relate. If you’re presenting to a group, step out from behind the podium and speak conversationally.
I hear you talking back to your computer screen. “But Connie, I’m a bad storyteller,” the voice in your head is saying. You’re not. You just need to approach it from a business viewpoint. So go ahead – tell a story. You’ll help people absorb, retain and repeat your words to reach your business goals.
How do you undercut your message without opening your mouth? Leadership means managing your energy level as well as your words in order to influence peoples’ decisions, behaviors and actions. Want to trigger a positive response? Radiate positive energy when your mouth is shut. Want a negative reaction? You’ll soon learn how to spread bad vibes.
Let’s review how this worked in recent high profile cases. Were you influenced by watching the candidates’ personal warmth in round one of the presidential debates? Sure you were. Same with the economic turmoil. You’ve either been inspired or turned off by leaders’ energy levels and body language.
Just for fun, let’s go negative for a moment, shall we? Here are 5 surefire ways to trigger a negative response without opening your mouth:
Ignore others in the room. Go ahead – ice others in an effort to diminish them. Granted, sometimes it’s inadvertent. You may just be nervous, so you fail to acknowledge others. But sometimes, the deep freeze is purposeful. You may avoid eye contact in an effort to dismiss people you feel superior to. Whatever the intent, icing people backfires. You’re the one who takes the hit, because you unwittingly come across as condescending or angry. Best to respectfully acknowledge and address the people with whom you disagree.
Look like you don’t care. People form opinions about you with a quick glance at your face. They eyeball your mug, interpret its meaning and respond accordingly. You may be sending the wrong signal with a dour-looking expression, one that looks like you smelled something bad. Some of the world’s most successful leaders share warm facial expressions. They appear open and agreeable and benefit from it.
Slap on a one-size-fits-all intensity level. Sometimes you need to tone it down and not come on too strong – especially when you’re conveying bad or unwelcome news. At other times, you need more intensity, such as in a presentation when you’re trying to inspire. Match your intensity to the specific situation.
Bounce your lower body habitually. This is where many people need to tone it down. Pacing back and forth or bouncing your legs or feet are very distracting and make it difficult for others to focus on your words. Keep the lower body quiet in order to give power to your presence.
Plaster on a smile. You’ve heard many times that you should smile. But the truth is, it has to be a genuine smile, or it can backfire on you. Plastered-on smiles don’t cut it; neither do contempt smiles. They’re toxic. Genuine smiles have a powerful effect because they increase your likability. People will cut you some slack if your emotions appear to be heartfelt.
The question is, how does your energy level com across to others? Do others define you as energetic? Stiff Engaging? Disinterested? Angry? Icy? As you know, when you communicate with someone, it’s not just the words you choose that send a message. People monitor the non-verbal signals you send. Your intensity, facial expressions, eye contact and body language all send signals that influence others’ decisions and actions.
The vibes you send are crucial for this reason: reciprocity. People give back to you what you give to them. Energy feeds on itself. Energized people create energy and engagement in others. If you look and sound engaged and self-assured, people will respond more positively to you. If you look off-putting, you’ll induce bad vibes and negative responses.
By now you’ve probably heard that politician John Edwards diagnosed himself as a narcissist when he was caught cheating on his wife. Chances are you’re dealing with a narcissist in the workplace, too.
I’m seeing an alarming increase in self-absorbed people causing chaos throughout organizations. Their grandiose self-importance, sense of entitlement, impulsiveness, and explosive anger towards anyone who doesn’t treat them like royalty are harming corporate cultures, retention and productivity. One minute, they’re charming and the next, they’re in meltdown mode, tossing verbal grenades and howling at the moon.
So how do you communicate with a peer whose ego is so inflated they think they’re above the rules? A person who’s intolerant to setbacks, lacks empathy, is impulsive, and lashes out at any slight, real or imagined? Here are 5 quick tips to help you manage a narcissist on the job or at home:
Give them options. Beneath their bluster, narcissistic people fear being left out of the loop. They crave control. Better to offer them options to choose from rather than feed them ready-made decisions that they’ll tear apart. Choosing from options helps them feel in control and respected. It also prevents nasty hissy fits.
Make them the hero. Narcissists are preoccupied with power and truly believe they are special and unique. They live for attention and admiration. Want them to do something? Tell them how great they are and watch them perform. Like Pavlov’s dog – it’s that easy. Better yet, praise them in front of others. Just keep it real, please.
Let them think it’s their idea. Narcissists often steal the credit for ideas that aren’t theirs. Strangely, they truly believe that hijacked results are their own. If this is what gets things done, I say learn to live with it. Over time, everyone will catch on and, wink-wink, you’ll make things happen as they feed their ego.
Define, don’t defend. When you explain a challenge to a narcissist, focus on the solution rather than allowing them to dissect the problem over and over again. Narcissists love drama and revel in the chaos. They’re easily agitated when frustrated. Don’t put blood in the water or the shark will tear you apart.
Fill in the blind spot. Narcissists lack empathy. It doesn’t occur to them to consider your feeling or viewpoints. They’re so caught up in their own world that your needs are not on the radar screen. They don’t mean to disregard you – it’s just a blind spot. This means you’re in charge of putting your feelings on the table if you choose to do so. Just be smart about it and brace yourself for guilt trips and disparaging criticism if your needs don’t align with theirs.
Whew! Your presentation is over. After your closing slide, you’re ready to exhale except for one thing . . . you still have to face Q&A.
Most people dread the question and answer period. It’s anxiety-provoking because you don’t know what to expect. What if someone asks a question that you can’t answer? What if someone baits you with an antagonistic comment or shoots you down?
I believe Q&A is an opportunity to reinforce your message and let your credibility shine. It’s also a time to clear up misunderstandings and gain feedback on how your message was received. Here are 10 quick tips to use Q&A to your advantage:
1. Keep your answer brief. The more you talk, the more likely you are to get caught up in your underwear and say something you’ll regret. Sometimes the questioner is more interested in how you handle yourself than in what you actually say, so keep your answers brief and meaty.
2. Don’t answer too quickly. Let the questioner state his or her question completely. Make sure you understand their true concern. Pause, think, and let it breathe before you respond.
3. Limit an individual’s follow-up questions to just one or two at a time. Otherwise, you can end up in a dialogue with that one person, ignoring the rest of the group. If somebody in the group tries to hijack your presentation with excessive questioning, tell them that you will be happy to continue the conversation later, and then move forward to other people’s feedback.
4. Don’t bluff. Anything other than honesty invites trouble. If you don’t know the answer, say so and offer to get back to them by a certain date and time. If the answer is damaging to your case, position it as a small issue or re-frame the question so you can answer it in a more positive way. But don’t lie.
5. Not all negative comments or questions are antagonistic. People may voice concerns because they sincerely want you to be aware of another point of view. Questions, comments, and objections are often a sign of interest in your message.
6. Pre-empt hot button criticism. Frontload with a specific example of how your viewpoint trumps the criticism. You’ll take the wind out of the sails of anyone who might want to be the featured fault-finder.
7. Defuse anger or hostility with a light touch. Resist the temptation to answer with sarcasm because that approach can alienate people.
8. After answering all questions, make a closing statement. Don’t simply peter out after the last question with, “Well, if there’s nothing else, thanks for coming.” Summarize and conclude with a call to action.
9. Bridge back to your key points. It’s an old media interview trick – the best and brightest don’t simply answer questions. They use questions as a jumping off point to reinforce their most important talking points. Grab the opportunity to reinforce what you want them to remember most.
10. Use Q&A as instant feedback. Questions provides a chance to clear up confusion, while also showing your depth of knowledge. Audience questions are clues to help tweak your presentation and make it even better the next time.
One of the world’s richest men is a master storyteller. Coincidence? Not a chance. Warren Buffett, CEO of Berkshire Hathaway, ditches dry facts and replaces them with stories.
Why does America’s most successful investor bother to generate stories? Because he knows the return on investment. Stories create clarity, not confusion. Buffett purposefully uses storytelling as a form of knowledge management. And you should, too. You may be a humdrum storyteller right now, but you can improve with a few quick tips:
1. Tell success stories. What successes can you identify in your organization or your personal dealings? How have people benefitted as a result? This is the meat of a good business story.
2. Your story must be significant. Spell out what has changed for the better. Link your tale to concrete outcomes and it will gain weight and significance. It will matter.
3. Your story should resonate. It must be truthful enough to shake the skeptics and reveal a universal truth that motivates people to act. Aim to strike a chord with your audience, instead of merely being an historian.
4. Your story must sound distinctive. If it sounds like the same-old, same-old, it will be ignored. Copycat versions of someone else’s story leave people feeling cheated. Okay, your story can have a familiar ring to it, but it should be distinctive enough to compel a new a-ha moment.
5. End on a positive note. Leave your listeners feeling good. End with a purpose: define the lesson learned and the way forward. This will give your story a long shelf life and lead to positive results.
Ever been 10 minutes into a presentation when a sinking feeling washes over you that at no one is listening? You scan the room and confirm your worst fears. Some appear to have slipped into a presentation-induced coma. Others are thumbing their Blackberries under the table or fidgeting with cell phones. Heads are bobbing all over the room.
What went wrong?
You faced a common presentation failure: tune-out. Here are some presentation delivery tips to help you engage any audience:
1. You’re Diana Ross, the slides are the Supremes. In other words, you’re the star and your visuals are the back-up singers. Don’t let the slides eclipse your talent. Nothing infuriates audiences more than a presenter who merely reads them the slides.
2. Deliver as peer-to-peer, not teacher-to-student. Here’s another thing that irks audiences: the feeling that they’re being lectured to. Treat your audience as equals and they’ll reward you by paying attention.
3. Think John Madden. Deliver your material as a colorful analyst, not the play-by-play guy. Share insights instead of mere factoids. They want to know what you make of things. After all, if you’re presenting, you’re some kind of subject matter expert, aren’t you?
4. Get your audience actively and meaningfully involved. Involvement leads to engagement, which leads to action. Don’t just talk at people. That’s a monologue, which is booooring. You might has well just stand there and repeat blah, blah, blah. Instead, create a dialogue, a two-way talk, to engage people.
5. Add warmth. Likability is key. Relax your muscles. Don’t let tenseness trump hours of preparation. Smile naturally. Quiet your lower body so you don’t distract people with unintentional mannerisms. Deliver your message with purpose and passion and you’ll keep people tuned in. Even in a short attention span world.
Here are my Top 8 Communication Skills of ‘08 to help you reach your highest performance:
1. Nail the big idea, pronto. You’re living in an impatient, short attention span world. Capture and summarize the critical essence of your message quickly. Make sure your big idea is crystal clear before diving into the nitty gritty details so you don’t distract others with small details.
2. Aim for the heart, not the head. Spewing endless factoids leaves people cold. And bored. Get real with the power of emotional appeal and you’ll motivate people to commit to action. Instead of trying to share everything you know in a single bound, light a fire under people by concentrating on their feelings first. The heart trumps the head.
3. Capitalize on peer power. Why go it alone? Our world is now ultra-connected and you should be, too, both online and in person. You’ll gain clout by bringing well-connected people into your corner. Let other smart, respected pros transfer their clout to you. They’ll help you build influence and make things happen much faster than you could by flying solo.
4. There’s no off-switch in the age of speed. Your words and actions now spread at the speed of light. Every communication has the potential to elevate or sink you because every utterance, every writing can build you up or do damage. There are no irrelevant interviews or presentations anymore. It all matters.
5. Positive wins, so radiate confident energy. Strive to inspire hope and instill pride. Deep down, we want hope for a positive future. Radiate likability and enthusiasm, even on difficult days when you’re worn down. Listen actively and convey positive interest and optimism.
6. Forget perfect. Be relatable. Stop worrying about being flawless and an amazing transformation will occur. People will start relating to you and rooting for you to win. Gone are the days when people bought in to the illusion of perfection. Let it go. People see right though the veneer. They now value genuine, relatable human beings, warts and all. Think excellence instead of perfection.
7. Create shortcuts. Who has time for long-winded messages anymore? Nobody. We’re all too slammed with work. Provide shortcuts and you’ll be rewarded with quicker decisions and action. Use shorter, punchier sentences. Graphics. Clips. Bullets. Pictures. Brevity is the new black.
8. Think the new PC: Performance Candor. Stop sugarcoating and holding back for fear that people won’t like you. Get important issues on the table tactfully and kindly, and admit the truth if it helps improve business performance. Hiding bad news is terribly damaging to both your business and your well-being.
The balloon boy’s dad, Richard Heene, thought he’d convinced America that his eccentric family should have its own reality show.
How you communicate a message has a direct impact on your ability to influence opinions.
There sure are a lot of high profile apologies floating around this week – Kayne West, Serena Williams, Rep. Joe Wilson. Which brings me to you.
It happened to the President of the United States on his home turf last week. At the end of his prime time health care news conference, Barack Obama answered a hot button question that was totally off-topic. Instead of asking about health care, a reporter asked the president what he thought of the confrontation between Harvard scholar Henry Louis Gates and Cambridge police officer James Crowley. The president weighed in with his opinion on race relations, ending with the tantalizing words “acted stupidly.”
You heard about the married politician caught trysting with his girlfriend in Argentina. On the day he was caught returning from his fun in the sun, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford held a hasty, free association press conference at the statehouse to drop the bomb.
Jon and Kate scooched as far apart on the couch as possible, closed off to each other, sending undeniable signals that they’re miserable and their relationship is on the rocks.
As a broadcaster, I spent many years in recording studios. I was astounded to learn there was a major difference between how my voice sounded inside my head…and the way it sounded when the engineer played back the recording. I didn’t come across nearly as energetic or upbeat as my voice sounded in my head. Instead, I sounded flat and bored. I had to learn to boost my energy level to compensate.
You’re a smart person. The axe is falling on leaders everywhere and you want to come across as valuable and indispensable, right? Here’s a quick cautionary tale to bullet-proof your credibility, straight from your TV.
Let’s say you get 100 e-mails a day. (Everybody wants to “keep you in the loop.”) Do you realize how much of your time that’s eating up? At 3 minutes a piece, it takes you 5 hours to read and respond. 5 solid hours! No wonder you’re having trouble getting things done – you’re stuck in e-mail jail.
We’re living in a harsh, harsh world. I’m sure you’ve noticed that you can now get a daily dose of cheap shots here on the Internet. Follow the comment section after most web entries and you’ll find boatloads of hyper-critical, snarky comments. Turn on your TV and there it is again – the Simon Cowell effect – people openly judging and grading others harshly. Ouch.
Out with the old, in with the new. As we say goodbye to George Bush and his colorful, sometimes mangled communications, (can you say misunderestimated?) we usher in a new era of oratory.
Incoming President-Elect Barack Obama has so far been an extraordinary Communicator-in-Chief which, ironically, his detractors hold against him. His critics call him “Mr. Podium.” They argue that he merely talks a good game. I’m not buying that. While I agree that blowhards are not true leaders, from what I’ve seen, Obama’s no blowhard. His words are based on visions that are implemented to unite and inspire action. Isn’t that the opposite of empty rhetoric? Far from merely talking a good game, if you communicate your visions effectively, action is the endgame.
News reports throughout the weekend referred to Jett Travolta as “the son of John Travolta” and called the boy’s death “The John Travolta Tragedy.” The boy’s mother was an afterthought in the news reports, if she was even mentioned at all.
Game over. Cleveland Browns owner Randy Lerner moved swiftly to fire his front office following the final, crushing loss of the season. He cut general manager Phil Savage loose by phone after Sunday’s defeat, and then sacked coach Romeo Crennel the next morning. Most Joes and pros alike support Lerner’s moves because the team under-performed in humiliating fashion this season.
Most presentations are bloated. They’re stuffed with waaaay too much information which causes attendees to slip into presentation-induced comas. Every fact, figure, and statistic you uncovered made its way into your over-stuffed, text-laden slides, which left your audience feeling sluggish.
and forth or bouncing your legs or feet are very distracting and make it difficult for others to focus on your words. Keep the lower body quiet in order to give power to your presence.
