Do you feel boring? Or fascinating? I promise that no matter how run-of-the-mill you may feel most days, you possess a leadership quality that others find fascinating. I see this unfold every day in my executive coaching practice. Every leader has a unique asset, an inner strength that defines their executive presence.
What I find fascinating is that most leaders arrive at my coaching session oblivious to their unique asset. They don’t see themselves as others do. I find great joy in helping leaders identify what’s influential about them – and then help them amplify it.
If you identify and amplify your unique assets, you will become far more influential. More powerful. More authentically and satisfyingly you.
I recently taped an interview with Sally Hogshead, the author of “Fascinate,” to help uncover seven qualities that she believes fascinates others. If, by chance, you’re snickering over Sally’s last name, she has a heartfelt, unique retort for you at the end of this video. As you’ll see, it’s part of what makes Sally so darned fascinating herself.
I hope you enjoy this quick video to learn which fascinating qualities YOU possess:
It was the silence heard around the world: Rick Perry’s brain freeze. Perry’s mental cramp during the GOP presidential debate stole the show and was quickly hailed as one of the worst memory meltdowns in history. It was a cringe-inducing 53 seconds as Perry scrambled to recall the name of the third federal agency he’d shut down, to no avail.
I’m not focusing on politics here. My interest is in YOU as an influential leader and how you can prevent your own case of message meltdown. After many year of observing and serving leaders, I’m convinced that brain freeze in public speaking is completely preventable, no matter how nervous you are. Many people’s fear of public speaking and delivering presentations hinges on this issue, so I’d like to share three strategies to conquer it. (With a respectful wink and nod to Governor Perry, let’s hope I don’t forget the third.)
What’s at stake when an episode of brain freeze strikes? Your credibility can disappear with your memory. Your confidence can take a profound, life-altering beating. In addition, brain freeze can either 1) create an unfavorable first impression of you, or 2) cement an unfavorable view that others already have of you.
Here are three tips to prevent you from drawing a blank when delivering a message:
Believe your message deeply. Your brain’s frontal lobe is sensitive to anxiety. Psychologists say stress hormones can temporarily block your frontal lobe from the rest of your brain. You’re frantically searching for a word, but like a computer file that’s locked, your brain is blocking access to it. Fear is like a virus, infecting your thoughts. It’s guided by self-preservation. The solution? Don’t rely solely on your brain to deliver a message when the stakes are high. Believe your messagedeeply. A speech or presentation is a transfer of emotion. Engage both your head and your heart to share your message with others. Tap into your message both intellectually and emotionally. When you deliver from the heart, you free yourself of the susceptibility that anxiety will scramble your brain.
Beware of adding new information too close to delivery.Brand spanking new information leaves you vulnerable to drawing a blank. You haven’t fully processed and internalized new info yet. You might as well send a party invitation to your brain inviting message meltdown when you add new information on the fly. But Connie, you ask – what if my boss gives me last minute information that I have to include? What if I learn something at the last minute that’s important? Of course you should add this type of information to your presentation. But here’s the antidote: write that information down and keep it right in front of you. Prominently. During Perry’s meltdown, he frantically searched his notes, but couldn’t come up with that third agency. Perhaps it was buried in his notes. Perhaps he was off-point. I don’t know. But I do know that a prominently displayed, bulleted list would have saved Perry from this public humiliation. So save yourself. If you have new, unprocessed information to share, keep it written prominently in front of you. Think of it as an insurance policy.
Deliver boldly. Do you fear criticism? Does the concern that someone will take a shot at you linger in the back of your mind during delivery? This is pure poison. The good news is that it’s self-induced, which means you have control over it. Confidence is the expectation of a positive outcome in a specific situation. Breathe deeply, visualize a positive outcome and let go of the fear. Forget perfection – think excellence. Don’t morph into your boring, evil twin in front of an audience. No one wants an automaton delivering a perfectly rote message- they value a person with a passionate point of view.
The only true metric of public speaking is the audience’s response. Embrace your opportunity to move others to action. Use these three tips and you’ll replace brain freeze with liquid gold for your audience – and yourself.
Here’s a thoroughly unexpected, powerful lesson in how to be more influential. Ever fumbled around learning how to use a gadget – and taught the world an important life lesson in the process?
Probably not. But that’s what Bruce and Ester Huffman did.
Watch these grandparents as they try to figure out how to activate their brand spanking new web cam. Their granddaughter posted their adventure on YouTube and it went viral. Prior to this, the happy Huffmans had never even heard of YouTube.
Most people think the dynamic duo’s video is merely comical. But the executive coach in me sees a lesson that could set you free and change how you interact with others.
Bruce and Ester accidentally schooled us ina highly influential communication skill: the magnetic power of authenticity. They reveal themselves, burps and all. That’s why you’ll love them. As you watch this clip, I’m asking you to ponder what I’ve taken to heart: revealing a bit more of your true self will draw people to you, too.
You’ll resonate. And that’s as real as it gets. Why not use this example to activate your influence, like Bruce and Ester?
I recently returned from South America where I had the opportunity to keynote a large business conference in Colombia. (If you haven’t been to Colombia, it’s a great adventure.) Imagine this challenge, though: I don’t speak Spanish – and the audience of hundreds of business leaders didn’t speak a word of English. The other experts who presented at the event – from Spain, Argentina, Mexico and Colombia – were terrific and spoke Spanish, of course.
The language barrier could tank my presentation, right?
I humbly share that it didn’t. Before my plane even touched down back on American soil, the meeting planner shared that I’d made a powerful connection with the audience and theyinvited me back to keynote their next event.
How in the world did this happen, you’re wondering?
Increasingly, leaders like you are facing language barriers, both within your global organizations and in front of audiences in presentations. With that in mind, I’d like to share three quick lessons that I learned while preparing for my Colombian adventure in this brief video. I hope these tips will help you shine and make the most of your opportunity to connect, convey, and convince any audience!
Tim Sanders is a confidence guru. A New York Times bestselling author, riveting keynote speaker and former Yahoo executive, Tim has written a compelling new book called Today We Are Rich: Harnessing the Power of Total Confidence that’s loaded with insights on how to develop unshakable confidence in a shaky world. The book is based on the timeless wisdom he gleaned from his grandmother.
Tim’s take-aways in our recent podcast interview came fast and furious. He challenges your assumptions and can forever change how you approach confidence, scarcity thinking and relational equity.
Among the many take-aways, you’ll discover:
The 3 elements of a leader’s confidence
The difference between confidence and narcissism
How to cultivate confidence in others
What to feed your mind every day
Why scarcity thinking is an airborne disease that you catch from fools
How a “Chicken Little” mentality can be your downfall
How to get the “A” team assigned to any idea or project you pitch
How to attract success in the “Wow Economy”
Why criticism delivered to your face is a gift
Why you must stand against things as well as for things to be confident
Why a recession is like a Nascar race – and how to win when the flag drops
Tim’s Toolkit
I encourage you to download the transcript of my interview with Tim. You can read his remarkable interview insights here:
Sadly, the podcast is a bit difficult to hear. Turns out, Tim’s audio recorded pretty low. As hard as my team tried to boost Tim’s audio level and diminish mine, you’ll need good speakers to hear his answers comfortably. I suggest the PDF as a great option so you don’t miss out on any of Tim’s business acuity or get your ears blown off by my higher audio level.
Where to Learn More About Tim Sanders
If you’re a leader who wants to be more confident and people-centric, I wholeheartedly urge you to pick up a copy of Today We Are Rich: Harnessing the Power of Total Confidence.
You can download a free chapter of the book and learn more about Tim here.
You can also pick up a copy atbookstores or order it by clicking on thisAmazonlinkwhich takes you directly to the book.
Tim’s an indispensable resource for any leader or organization wanting to develop strong relationships that lead to better business performance. You might also enjoy his previous bestsellers, including Love is the Killer App.
You Write. We Reward.
Would you like to win an autographed copy of Today We Are Rich? Tim has kindly provided a copy for one of our Influential Leader readers. Simply add a comment to the blog, sharing what you found valuable about Tim’s interview, and I’ll pick a winner and get the autographed copy in the mail to you!
Recently, my life has been packed with one life-altering experience after another. Among them were two milestone graduations – my son’s from college and my daughter’s from high school. (This makes me feel so old. Congratulations, Spencer and Ali!)
Which got me to thinking about confidence – and how people completely misunderstand it. Confidence is more critical now than ever in the economy we’re facing today. It’s essential to cultivate it so you can seize opportunities and avoid pitfalls.
But it’s not just recent graduates who crave confidence – every C-suite executive whom I’ve had the privilege to coach wants a booster shot to help them be more influential and make things happen. They understand that confidence begets influence and personal impact.
But here’s the catch: you crush your own confidence every day. Oh, you don’t intend to. Chances are, you don’t even realize that you’re undermining your ability to make an impact, day-in and day-out. It’s certainly not your intent.
So what’s going on?
Simple. You may confuse confidence with self-esteem. Grasping the difference between the two can transform how you interact with others – whether you’re a seasoned executive or a newbie in the business world. I’ve witnessed extraordinary transformations in leaders’ abilities to influence as I share this secret of executive presence and then coach them in how to unleash their confidence in presentations and other make-it or break-it interactions. Even the most anxious public speaker – whose jitters would normally crush their own confidence in the front of the room – will morph into a remarkably influential presenter when they employ this unshakable confidence technique.
So what is confidence, then? Simply put, confidence is the expectation of a positive outcome in a specific situation. Period. It’s not self-esteem, which is how you secretly size yourself up and assign your status in the world. Self-esteem is where insecurities like Imposter Syndrome lurk. Unlike self-esteem, confidence is situational. Which means you’re completely in controlto ignite it or zap it like a bug on neon – one situation at a time. Confidence is easily within reach when you unhook it from the complicated, big-picture puzzle of self-esteem. Tell yourself that you are prepared in this specific situation, envision a positive outcome, and fear will melt away. This shift in mindset is simple, yet it’s a profound game-changer.
I encourage you to devour the interview with Tim Sanders in my next post. Tim will challenge you to reconsider confidence, helping you overcome self-doubt and fear.
In this quick 2 minute “Connie off the Cuff” video recorded behind the scenes of a keynote speech in Phoenix, you’ll discover the one thing you need to deliver a presentation.
You’ve been tapped to give a presentation. Quick – what are you feeling? Has a sense of dread washed over you?
Of course.
You’re tasked with creating a slide deck, which can swallow hours of your time. Perhaps you’d prefer a root canal – at least you could just lay there under the influence of a numbing anesthetic. Instead, you’re worried that your presentation may leave your audience numb.
Rightfully so. After all, most presentations are dull and deadly, aren’t they? You feel trapped as the presenter morphs into a reporting robot, hosting a tedious read-along of his text-laden slides.
I believe presentations are fundamentally and deeply broken. They’re wasting more than just your time. They’re squandering opportunities for thought leaders to breathe life into transformational ideas.
Here’s a key: presenters are reporting when they should be resonating.
The Resonator
That’s why I interviewed Nancy Duarte, CEO of Duarte Design and the author of Resonate and Slide:ology. I believe Nancy’s message will resonate with your desire to create a groundswell for your initiatives.
Connie interviews Nancy Duarte
Who better to understand the power of visual information than Nancy Duarte? Her firm creates the best slide decks on the planet. Over the past twenty years, Duarte Design has created over a quarter of a million presentations for the world’s leading brands, helping thought leaders communicate ideas in strikingly visual ways.
Nancy agrees that the overwhelming majority of presentations are sadly inadequate. At first, she labeled it a slide problem, which is why she wrote the award-winning Slide:ology in 2008. “I thought that’s where the breakdown was – that people didn’t know how to visually display information,” she told me.
But gussying up slides – while a terrific start – isn’t enough, she learned. So she turned her attention to storytelling. Nancy believes stories can help put the heartbeat back in presentations. “A storyteller on a stage takes on a completely different presence. I wanted to close that gap.”
You may be asking, “Connie, what does storytelling have to do with my leadership influence?” Here’s a brilliant example: contrast “what is” and “what could be” as a structural device.
Nancy explains, “Our job as leaders is to define as clearly as possible where we need to be in the future. And what you do is compare what currently is to what could be, which is the future with your idea adopted. And by moving back and forth as a structural device, you’ll start to compare what is to what could be. People will be like, “Oh my gosh, I don’t want to stay where I’m at, because that would be foolish. I want to move towards this new idea that my leader is telling me.”
I believe you’ll benefit from hearing more about Nancy’s approach to storytelling, so I urge you to listen to our interview in my podcast. Or, if you don’t have time, you can download the transcript here.
Nancy’s books are powerful resources for any leader wanting to influence, inspire and impact audiences while presenting ideas. You’ll discover how to stop reporting and start resonating.
I encourage you to pick up a copy of her books here.
You Write. We Reward.
Would you like to win a fre*e copy of Resonate? Nancy has kindly provided me with an autographed book for my readers. Simply submit a comment below, telling me the most valuable lesson you learned from Nancy’s interview. I’ll pick a winner and send the book to you.
Les McKeown doesn’t buy into the common belief that passion and authenticity can make you influential. It’s not that he’s a contrarian – but this über-successful business author and serial entrepreneur pinpoints another, more specific reason for why leaders influence others.
“It’s not very popular to say these days, Connie, and it will go against what a lot of other people are saying,” says McKeown, “but influential leadership is not passion, it’s not authenticity and it’s not trust. In my experience, it’s execution. It’s actually making things happen.”
(Whew – am I ever glad the subtitle of my book is How to Influence Others and Make Things Happen. That was a close one.)
The author of The Wall Street Journal bestseller Predictable Success says today’s highly touted traits are by-products of influential leadership. Passion, authenticity and trust are like molasses from refining sugar. Like asphalt from the refining of crude oil. They’re useful, marketable, bankable by-products. They should not be the primary product.
“If you deliver for people over and over, well, they’ll see that you’re being authentic. And if you have to deliver, then you’ll use passion when necessary. But just being passionate, just being authentic or just building trust with people – none of those, in and of themselves, in my observation, makes someone an influential leader.”
McKeown is in the business of pattern recognition. He started 42 businesses by age 35, and pinpointed that “80% of the patterns that every business goes through are repeatable and predictable.” If you know where your business falls on the Predictable Success apex curve, you’ll gain context for what’s going to happen next. And this knowledge will help you influence your team and customers.
McKeown says today’s world is littered with “The Kim Kardashian Effect” – people who’ve gained followers, but don’t lead others to substance. And he disagrees with those who believe Apple is successful because Steve Jobs is a great communicator. “Is he a great communicator? Sure” says McKeown. “Does that help? Sure. Is he being authentic? I don’t know. A couple of people have tried to tell me that he’s not – that he can be a really, really difficult person and very different from his public persona. But one things for sure; he delivers.”
Hence Job’s measurable influence. He executes brilliantly.
Click here to download a PDF of the full interview.
Predictable Success by Les McKeown is a Wall Street Journal and USA Today bestseller. It’s a powerful resource for any leader wanting to get your organization on the growth rack – and keep it there.
Benjamin Zander says his job is to awaken the possibilities in others. He’s a motivational speaker. And, oh, yes – he’s also the conductor of the Boston Philharmonic.
When Zander perches on the conductor’s podium, he shapes the sound of the classical ensemble. But as a leadership keynote speaker, I assure you this maestro rocks an audience. I encourage you to watch the following short video as Zander brings an audience first to tears, and then to its feet. If you’re short on time, skip to my coaching notes below where I dissect his magic and share a few actionable tips to help you rock your presentations like Benjamin Zander.
Tips to Help You Rock an Audience Like Zander:
Drive your audience from Point A to Point B. Zander laid out the audience’s destination before he took them on a ride. His goal was to ensure that everyone came to appreciate classical music. You can do that, too, by carefully developing your speech with the end in mind. Influential presenters take audiences on a pre-planned journey instead of merely delivering a speech.
Close the physical gap. The maestro jumped off stage and bounded into the audience a few times when felt called to create intimate moments. Follow your instincts. If you sense the audience needs a jolt of electricity, dare to move closer. The key is to do it strategically. Return to your home base spot after a brief, purposeful interlude – don’t wear out your welcome by staying in the audience too long. Leave ‘em wanting more of you.
Are their eyes shining? A seasoned leadership expert, Zander unveils a secret at the end of his presentation: You know you’ve reached people when their eyes are shining. How does he do it? He creates an exceptional audience experience by speaking from both his heart and his head. I challenge you to do the same, no matter what your topic. Be an open, servant presenter and your audience will reward you with shining eyes.
Carol Roth is a leader you should know. Think of her as Suze Orman, one generation removed; she’s a financial braintrust who leapfrogged from working class to privileged status through sheer determination and wicked smarts.
Carol has a “spinach in your teeth” approach to business and life. She tells it like it is. Period. Growing up, friends labeled her ‘Lucy Van Pelt’ (as in Peanuts fame) because people have always been magnetically drawn to Carol for advice – and she doles it out.
Carol has a new book on the shelves called The Entrepreneur Equation. On launch week, it was the top selling book on Amazon. No surprise here. Carol’s determination would settle for nothing less.
If you’re not an entrepreneur, don’t be deterred by the book title. In our interview, Carol doles out advice that you should take to heart if you want to be successful as a leader in any field. I hope you’ll listen to my podcast with Carol or read the transcript, which are at the end of this post.
Meantime, here’s a sample of my no-holds barred conversation with Carol:
You take a ‘just because you can, doesn’t mean you should’ approach.
Yes. Just because you are able to do something, doesn’t mean that it’s the choice for you. It doesn’t mean that you’re going to be successful at it, and it doesn’t mean that it is the path that will best serve you.
So I really wanted to create this framework, Connie, where you can ask yourself tough questions and really be able to evaluate things, whether it is a business – or really using the framework for anything else in your life – to see if you were making good decisions, if you should, if the rewards greatly outweigh the risks, and it’s the way that you’re going to be most successful. If not, if there’s anything you can go and do to stack the odds in your favor to make yourself more successful or give yourself a better chance at success.
I want to pull out a quote from your book, which says, ‘Our society is built upon blowing smoke up each others (butts). Our collective unwillingness to engage in a reality check has gotten us into deep doo doo.’
Yes. And I did not use the word butt! If you think about the economic crisis that we are in still, and have been in for several years, how did that happen? It started happening because people were buying things that they couldn’t afford. Particularly homes, but also running up credit card debts for everything else.
If we were based in reality, we’d say, “Hey, folks, don’t do this. You can’t afford it!” We would not be in the situation we’re in today.
And so I think it’s really, really critical to be able, in life, to address issues. To call them out. Just find that elephant in the room and say, “Hey! There’s an elephant in the room: let’s just address it!” And, if we’re able to do that, that’s when we can grow. We can grow by addressing the problem.
But, if we just ignore it, then, eventually, that elephant wreaks havoc! And it did in our economy. And so I think that, whether it’s entrepreneurship or leadership or influence, you’ve got to be willing, in a non-confrontational and very smart, straightforward way, to say, “Hey, we have a problem. And the only reason we’re pointing it out is not to throw blame, but because we want to fix it. We want to grow and be successful. We want to move on.”
But there are many people who sugarcoat because we want people to like us and we don’t want to hurt peoples’ feelings.
I’m over that!
We sensed that, Carol. Did you ever do that?
Oh yeah. I’m a people pleaser by nature, so it’s always been a little bit of a struggle, when I realize somebody doesn’t like something I’ve suggested. But then I finally reached a point where I realized that, if I wasn’t pis_ing a few people off, then I wasn’t pushing the envelope enough, I wasn’t doing anything worthwhile.
The people who are considered nice or caring, are the vanilla people in the middle. They’re not doing anything remarkable or interesting or extreme. I didn’t want to be that, and I’m not that person. So I got to the point where I wasn’t getting any haters on my blog and I was kind of upset. “Everyone’s agreeing with me – I must not be writing the right things.” And then, finally, I start getting some haters, and I’m thinking, “Yes! Now we’re rolling here.”
Where to Learn More about Carol
Carol’s book is great resource whether you’re considering being an entrepreneur or already well down the path. It’s loaded with practical, spinach in your teeth advice to save you a lot of heartaches and headaches.
Would you like to win a fre-e copy of Carol’s book? It’s simple. Just submit a comment below, telling me the most valuable lesson you learned from Carol’s interview. I’ll pick a winner and send the book to you. Good luck!
Are you an authentic, charismatic leader? Do you need to exude these qualities in order to lead effectively?
One of America’s top communication theorists and coaches says, “Yes, absolutely.”
Connie interviews Dr. Nick Morgan
Dr. Nick Morgan believes authenticity and charisma are a key to your leadership and that you shouldn’t leave them to chance. Dr. Morgan is the CEO of Public Words, former editor of the Harvard Management Communication Letter, and is the author of Trust Me: Four Steps to Authenticity and Charisma.
I urge you to download the complimentary 30 minute podcast and PDF transcription of our conversation. You’ll hear Nick’s take on many subjects including:
How the latest brain research could transform the way you think about communicating
What you do that accidentally sets people on edge & shuts down all chances of getting your point across
Why adrenaline makes you robotic and monotonous
Here’s an excerpt of our conversation:
Nick: I think that influential leadership is about authenticity. I think that, in this day and age, we have such a very highly attuned bullsh*t factor, if I can use that word. We’re very quick to determine ‘fake’ in people and in companies; so I think that powerful leadership begins with that: “What are you really about?” Focus: give me the essentials. I think it’s the job of a leader not to just have a vision, but to spend the time getting that vision down to its simplest, purest essence, because of the information overload that we’ve talked about.
I think that the requirements, the ante has just been raised; maybe it used to be simpler, but now it’s tough. And that’s what you have to do. And so leadership keeps getting harder and harder but, in a sense, there’s good news; and I think it’s all more and more about being truly real, being authentic. And, with that authenticity, comes focus; and, with emotional focus, comes charisma. So it kind of flows naturally out of getting the authenticity right.
Connie: And then, of course, you’ve got to make things happen. You can’t just be a person who speaks eloquently but doesn’t actually execute.
Nick:Right. And we’re getting out of my head into yours, but that’s exactly right; leadership, ultimately, is about changing lives, changing behavior, getting people to do things that they wouldn’t do on their own, together.
If you’d like to win a fr-ee, autographed copy of Trust Me, I’ve arranged with Nick to send one to a lucky leader. Simply leave a comment today on this blog about how the interview inspired you (be specific, please) and I’ll select a winner to receive the complimentary copy. Good luck!
Pint-sized presenter Schuyler St. Leger nailed it. At the age of 10, he’s already mastering audience-centered speaking.
How Schuyler rocked the audience – (and you can, too)
1) He nailed the power pause, deftly using silence after his major points to let his words sink in before moving to his next tidbit.
2) He was Diana Ross, letting the slides work as his Supremes.The slides didn’t eclipse his presence – they acted as the equivalent of his back-up singers.
3)His slides were visual – not laden with text. They helped the audience process his points, rather than bogging them down with TMI.
Kudos, kid. Your delivery and poise at this Ignite Phoenix event is inspiring. My only question is this: Is that your mother, cheering hysterically in front of the camera – or do you have that effect on all the ladies?
Interesting question, isn’t it? When you were in high school, influence and popularity were one and the same. The popular kids (the ones at the private lunch table who savored their tater tots nerd-free) quickly swayed others’ opinions, fashions and actions. Regardless of the grades on their report cards, popular kids scored high as key influencers.
But what about you in the business world? How do you measure your influence today – and is someone still keeping score?
Connie interviews Barry Moltz
In this week’s Influential Leader Podcast, the inimitable Chicago entrepreneur Barry Moltz tackles this “influential or popular” question, even sharing how to parlay it into privileges in Las Vegas. Here’s a tidbit of our lively conversation that you’ll hear in the podcast:
BM:There’s a whole new thing going on – are you familiar with an internet service called Klout?
CD:Yes, I am. It’s scary to see your score.
BM:It is scary. I’ll tell you something that’s even scarier, Connie. There’s a hotel in Las Vegas that used to give privileges to high rollers – people who spent a lot of money – and now they’re starting to give privileges to people who have high Klout scores. For example, if you’re staying at the Palms and you give them your Twitter ID, they’ll actually look up your Klout score. And if you have a high Klout score they’ll give you privileges as if you were a high roller! So they really measure what your influence is on other people. What companies like the Palms want is that, if you have a good experience, they want you to Tweet about it. They want you to post it on Facebook so your followers and your friends will see it and therefore they’ll get some good buzz, they’ll get some good publicity.
If you aren’t familiar with Klout.com, you can learn more about your score in the podcast. And since Barry is the author of “Bam! Delivering Customer Service in a Self Service World” we naturally got into how companies like Amazon are influencing customer service and why growing your personal fan base matters.
CD: We’re getting so used to customization (like Amazon remembering our preferences) - are we becoming a narcissistic nation?
BM:I think we want it when we want it. I call it “pseudo personalization.” We want to be serviced. We want people to be there, because we are, as you said at the outset, used to 24/7 service. My son doesn’t understand; when we order something over the web, why isn’t it here 30 minutes later?
CD: Exactly. How has influence evolved in this self-service world?
BM: We have to understand two things; the first thing is that every single time you’re out there, you’re either extending your own personal or business brand or you’re detracting from your own personal/business brand because – guess what? – people are always reporting on what you’re doing. The second thing is that it used to be only celebrities who have fan bases. But now we all have fan bases. We all have people that we influence, who’ll pass things on to their followers, so we need to be aware of that.
To hear the podcast with Entrepreneurship Hall of Fame inductee Barry Moltz, the influential business guru who helps businesses get un-stuck, click here. For a PDF of the interview transcription, click here.
Where to Learn More About Barry
Barry’s books are a great resource for any leader who wants to grow their business. Here’s where you can pick up a copy of his latest book, “Bam! Delivering Customer Service in a Self-Service World”
You can also win a free copy of Barry’s book by leaving a comment on my blog about your worst customer service experience. I’ll send a free copy to the person who posts the best answer. (Influence me!)
It struck me recently that you may associate influence with two things: money or charisma. You may think you need one or both to be a convincing leader who influences others and makes things happen.
Not true.
Connie interviews Bob Burg
Bob Burg and I had a conversation about this the other day. You may know Bob’s name – he’s The Wall Street Journal bestselling co-author (with John David Mann) of The Go-Giver and Go-Givers Sell More and author of Endless Referrals. I was inspired by the leadership insights Bob shared and I believe you will be, too. Luckily, he agreed to let me tape our call – it’s available as a free, quick MP3 podcast which you can download here.
Key Take-Aways
A few take-aways from my interview with Bob may surprise you:
An introvert can be highly influential with one incredibly simple shift
You are enough. Authenticity is the greatest gift you can offer others
The deepest source of your influence
The fastest, most powerful way to elicit trust is counter-intuitive
How influence can be learned
You’ll discover how to apply these insights (and more) immediately when you listen to Bob’s interview. You’ll also hear why Stephen M.R. Covey calls Bob “engaging” and “powerful.” And I can’t wait until you hear Bob’s voice. It will hit you like a thunderbolt – I was a bit intimidated by the power of his pipes, even though I’ve been a broadcaster for 20 years!
Where to Learn More About Bob
Bob’s book is a great resource for any leader who wants to have impact. I encourage you to pick up a copy of The Go-Giver on Amazon.comhere:
Or, if you’d like to win a free copy of The Go-Giver, I’ve giving one away! Simply leave a comment today about how the interview inspired you (be specific, please) here on the blog and I’ll select a winner to receive a complimentary copy.
Tips to Help You Influence When You’re in the Spotlight
An astounding thing happened to this quirky brain researcher – she suffered a massive stroke and studied herself as her brain functions shut down, one by one. In this remarkable TED Talk presentation, Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor reenacts exactly how it feels when your brain fails you.
Even more powerfully, she crafts an unmistakable call to action that could alter the course of your life. That’s what makes this unassuming, unpolished doctor my selection as this month’s “Presentation Rock Star.”
I’d encourage you to watch this brief video because you’ll gain insight from Jill. But if you’re in a hurry, please read my actionable tips below to discover how you can command any room and influence your world, no matter what topic you’re delivering…
How to Rock an Audience Like This Star:
1) Be a naked presenter. No, Dr. Bolte Taylor is not sans clothing. She’s devoid of pretense. She doesn’t slip into formal presentation mode or try to impress the audience with “doc talk.” Yes, she has some unique delivery quirks, but she’s not trying to be slick so you embrace her as the authentic professional that she is.
You can have this impact if you:
Suspend your fear of criticism. Confidence is situational – make that choice. Accept that your expertise deserves a spotlight.
You are worthy. Be you, not a pretender.
Chase away your evil twin who thinks you’ll impress people by being formal and slick.
2) Share a jaw-droppingly relevant visual. Did you feel the energy in the room shift when she revealed a real human brain on stage? Sure you did. Afterwards, her body became the only visual necessary. Slides be darned.
You can do this if you:
Ask yourself, “What’s the most impactful visual I could share in person?”
Move mountains to secure it. It may not be a human brain, but a relevant visual will instantly engage and improve the dynamics in the room.
3) Know exactly where you’re taking the audience. Dr. Bolte Taylor developed her presentation with a clear, simple intention: she wanted you to choose to live more from the right side of your brain. Her efforts paid off – she received a rare standing ovation from her TED Talks audience.
You can impact an audience like this if you:
Develop your message upside down. Start with your close. Ask yourself, “What, specifically, do I want this audience to do as a result of this talk?” Once you’ve settled on this critical but often overlooked element, then you can go back and develop your open and middle.
Hold off on opening PowerPoint. Software programs are linear and will take you down the information track, not the influence track. Decide where you’re taking the audience before you let your software influence your mission.
Exclusive Podcast: Connie Interviews Russell Bishop
What if you could:
* Overcome resistance and influence negative people who won’t budge?
* Bypass those frustrating systems and roadblocks that give you headaches every day?
Would that make you a more influential leader?
I can picture you nodding like a bobble head doll.
That’s why I asked the incomparable executive coach Russell Bishop to share his secrets of influential leadership with you. In addition to his role as senior editor/columnist at the Huffington Post, he’s also launched five successful companies, co-created the wildly successful Getting Things Done program with David Allen and he just released a terrific new book that’s making a big splash called Workarounds That Work.
Russell combines heart and smart. He’s devoted his life to helping leaders like you make the impact you intend. In this Influential Leader Podcast, you’ll discover:
Why he says the first workaround is hiding in your mirror (gulp)
What Russell’s close friend Marshall Goldsmith told him that changed his behavior forever
How workarounds can improve your influence skills, especially in today’s economy
Listen HERE!
Russell’s book is a powerful resource for any leader wanting to boost their influence and productivity and find workarounds to the unexpected setbacks that can arise at work.
Consider the fire hydrant’s purpose. Your neighborhood fire plug lets firefighters tap into the municipal water system to extinguish a fire. They attach a hose to the cast iron hydrant, screw open a valve and whoosh, out comes a powerful flow of water. Simple enough.
But have you ever considered how you might be using a fire hydrant habit when you communicate? Someone requests the communication equivalent of a sip of water but instead, you screw open a hydrant… and flood them with too much information.
Perhaps you launch into long-winded explanations when you’re asked simple questions. Maybe you send e-mails two screens long with five attachments. Perhaps you leave voice mails so lengthy that you get cut off by the beep.
If so, people are having frustrating experiences communicating with you and it’s damaging your credibility. People are probably avoiding communicating with you as a result. They see your name on caller ID and let it go to voice mail. They ignore your emails. They interrupt you constantly during presentations, meetings and other face-to-face interactions.
If you’re getting these outcomes, it’s time to stop the flow of blah, blah, blah. Here are a few ways to do it:
Think portion control
Aim for clarity, not confusion
Answer questions first, justify them second
Use shorter sentences
Send succinct, frontloaded e-mails
Use bullets instead of run-on sentences
Use visuals instead of text whenever possible
Present info narrow and deep, not wide and shallow
Be aware of the effect you have on people
Like a dieter counting calories, put yourself on a communication diet. We must all re-learn what a proper serving size is in today’s world where we’re bombarded with communications 24/7.
Once you overcome the fire hydrant habit, you’ll see that others seek your input and stay tuned in when you talk. Just as importantly, people will happily park themselves within six feet of you without the fear of being soaked by a data dump.
Have a presentation to deliver? Don’t follow Phil Davison’s lead as a public speaker.
This speech is Hall of Fame quality for the most misguided, jaw-droppingly worst presentation skills ever.
Mr. Davison says he holds a masters degree in communication. In this case, as you’re about to see, mis-communication was his specialty. Luckily, as he launched this passionate run for office, someone ran for their Flip video recorder. While he lost the nomination, we all win with a cautionary tale of how misguided passion can tank your credibility.
On second thought, if the speaker’s real goal was to win attention instead of the election, it’s a spectacular success story. Just don’t try these antics in the board room or you could lose your job.
You might be surprised at how many executives say they lack confidence in front of audiences and want to gain the skill.
Here’s a nerve-wracking experience that I keep in mind as I coach high-powered leaders who want to improve their presentation skills. It starts in my rear view mirror, back when I was sixteen years old. My high school business teacher entered me in the Future Business Leaders of America speech contest. First of all, you should know that I had never given a speech before. Secondly, I was raised in a humble family in a tiny Indiana farm town, so I had no clue what topic to choose for a business speech. I certainly didn’t have any compelling business nuggets that would rock Wall Street to its core.
As the deadline to select my topic approached, and with no sudden emergence of business acuity, I chose a simple, safe speech title: “Confidence is the Key.” Yes, I know – my topic choice was part lame, part prophetic.
When the day of the speech arrived, I stood before the audience in my self-styled seersucker suit with a homemade poster as my visual. The poster was canary yellow, featuring a giant black key that I’d cut out of construction paper and carefully glued next to my emphatic magic marker title. You get the level of sophistication. Unlike a James Bond Martini, I was shaken and stirred as I dug deep and delivered my heart-felt message. I’ll get to the outcome of the contest in a moment – it’s pertinent, I promise.
Luckily, my grasp of presentation skills has evolved a bit since high school, so here are a few secrets to help you become a remarkably confident communicator, despite your nerves:
Forget the underwear. The solution to overcoming nerves is not to picture the audience in their underwear – that’s a tired old tale. Instead, the smart solution is to shift your focus to serving the audience. Make this your new presentation mantra: the purpose of my presentation is the people. Thepeople. It’s not about creating killer slides. Not about seeing how much information you can cram in. Not about whether your mouth is dry or you’re sweating through your jacket. Your mission is to create a positive experience that will influence people to act. Shift your focus to serving the audience and an amazing transformation will happen.
Confidence is situational. If you think self-confidence and self-esteem are interchangeable words, hit the reset button. Confidence is the expectation of a positive outcome in a specific situation. It’s very different from self-esteem and your underlying sense of worth. The key to a confident presentation is to prepare for the specific situation. Smart preparation will help you wrestle your nerves to the ground. Expect a positive outcome in this one specific situation, prepare for it with a sound strategy, and you’ll achieve it. Every time.
Lacking confidence is selfish. You read that right. It sounds harsh, so let me explain. If you lack confidence in a presentation it means that you’re focusing your attention squarely on yourself. Everyone gets butterflies before presenting. I know I still do. But butterflies are actually a good sign because it means that you’re taking the presentation seriously. You have a choice: you can let the butterflies undermine the situation by focusing on your own feelings — or you can use them as an edge to redirect your focus and take your audience to a higher level.
Forget perfection – think excellence. Please understand that this is a huge statement coming from a recovering perfectionist. When you stop worrying about being flawless, people will start relating to you. Aim for excellence instead of absolute perfection. Truth be told, people see right through the illusion of perfection anyway and value genuine, relatable human beings, warts and all. Spewing endless, perfect factoids with a flawless style leaves people cold and that’s a confidence killer.
Don’t slip into “presentation mode.” Do you morph into a faux-heavyweight version of yourself when you present? Stay centered. You’re good enough. If there’s a glitch, stay light and handle it graciously or humorously. Turn mistakes into advantages. You’ll light a fire by aiming for people’s hearts, not their heads. Take the pressure off of yourself and see how much better people respond to you. Isn’t that the point of business communication – getting a positive response?
Since you’ve stuck around this long, I’ll share how my high school business speech contest ended. The sixteen year old mini-me surprised myself by winning the state and regional contests with my “Confidence is the Key” presentation. I then packed up my poster board and boarded my first-ever airplane to the national finals where I became the top loser in America. In other words, I was first runner-up nationwide. The judges chose an experienced eighteen year with big city business ideas as the top Future Business Leaders of America speech winner.
Rightfully so. The winning speech was content-rich and well-delivered. I learned that content and delivery are equally important to your success and I’m passionate about sharing the secrets to reaching this presentation nirvana with executives today.
Clearly, confidence is a key to business success. But I don’t recommend a goofy poster board.
Goldman Sachs executives were skewered on Capitol Hill this week. They were sach-ed. The men faced blistering cross examination by the Senate on the firm’s mortgage market and its role in the country’s financial collapse.
During their time on the hot seat, the current and former leaders, along with the prolific e-mail braggart known as “Fabulous Fab,” were lambasted with biting questions and criticism from outraged lawmakers. Unrepentant, resistant, and uneasy, the executives denied responsibility as lawmakers ripped into them.
Can you imagine handling that kind of fiery criticism? Many businessmen and women are fearful of being blasted in the workplace following presentations or even in team meetings.
As I’ve coached high-powered executives for the past decade, I’ve heard a recurring theme: the fear of criticism. It’s the fear that you’ll be judged harshly or won’t measure up to expectations. This fear is growing because we’re living in a world that encourages cheap shots. Snarky people abound on the Internet and otherwise, unleashing their inner Simon Cowell, judging others severely.
Here’s the problem: fear of criticism is like kryptonite to executives. It has a crippling effect, draining your power and influence. It can cause you to hold back instead of contributing. It may lead you to be defensive when well-meaning people offer constructive feedback. Or it may cause you to play it too safe and offer a vanilla version of what could have been a much more compelling contribution.
Even the most capable leaders can be crippled by a secret fear of criticism. Here are a few tips to help you overcome it:
Resist the temptation to be defensive. Do you often jump in and cut off criticism with a knee-jerk defensive reaction? If so, you may unwittingly escalate the situation. Cutting off tough critics often causes them to grow more determined. As a result, they may zap you even harder next time. Defensiveness and evasiveness can also turn off well-meaning allies.
Keep the criticizer’s intent in mind. Bosses, co-workers and others in your life may offer feedback because they want to help you. Their constructive feedback may be intended to help you improve your performance, not as a cheap shot or a grandstanding opportunity. Consider their true intent. Maybe they’re sharing wisdom from their own lessons learned. Is it possible you’re overly sensitive to criticism?
Ride the wave. One of the best approaches to handling criticism is to listen carefully and let the person finish completely. Resist the temptation to deflect point-by-point. By hearing their full point of view, you stand the best chance to uncover the real issue and correct what may need to be fixed.
Conquer your inner critic. Often, the critical voice in your head is carrying too much weight. It can be far worse than anyone else’s potshot. Give it a rest. Starting today, create a positive daily dialogue to overrule your habit of critical self-talk.
Don’t be an avoider. There’s an old saying, “To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.” Clearly avoidance isn’t the answer. Turn it around. Face it. Get the confrontation over with instead of dreading it all day. Often, reality isn’t nearly as bad as the situation you imagined and avoided.
Some people trace their fear of criticism back to childhood, when they experienced excessive criticism that’s gotten stuck in their head like a broken record. Others have received tongue-lashings from hypercritical bosses and had their confidence crushed.
Whatever its source, learning to conquer criticism gracefully is a sign of maturity and leadership.
It appeared to be an ambush worthy of the Kayne West Seal of Approval. Recently, an Academy Award winner was rudely interrupted mid-acceptance by a woman who appeared to big foot her way into his big moment. More than 41 million telecast viewers were confounded. Twitter and Facebook erupted with news of “the interrupter.”
Turns out, the interrupter was no interloper. She was his co-winner. Tangled in a credit-hogging turf war, the two had raced to the stage to get in the first word. He ran a lot faster. As she burst onto the glittering platform, she hijacked the microphone and cut him off before clutching her shiny statuette.
What does this case of communication-interruptus have to do with you?
Chances are someone has rudely interrupted you in the last 24 hours, if not the last 24 minutes. Interrupting is escalating. Cutting people off and talking over them has become the new norm in our demanding, impatient, instant gratification world. The Academy Award scene is playing out everywhere – in boardrooms, meeting rooms, lunchrooms, phone calls, even on Capitol Hill. Everybody wants to get a word in edgewise.
Isn’t it frustrating to be plowed over by someone who thinks the only voice worth listening to is his own? Beyond simple rudeness on the part of some communicators, I’d like to offer a few possibilities on why more people are cutting you off, how to prevent it, and how to handle those relentless, habitual interrupters.
Why it’s happening
Face it, some people are rude. But these old school interrupters are now joined by a new breed of interrupters: The Chronically Impatient. Buoyed by instant technology and addicted to speed, these pragmatic people are having a tough time tolerating long winded ramblers. The Chronically Impatient value time, clarity, and action and they want you to get to the point, pronto. If you dilly dally, they’ll either nudge you with a brief interjectory question or they’ll outright overpower you and butt in as if your words don’t matter.
How to prevent it
Sound confident. If you speak with conviction, people are more likely to show their respect by listening instead of dismissing your ideas and talking over you.
Don’t be long winded. Lengthy explanations invite interruptions, so get to your point quickly. One technique I lay out in Talk Less, Say More is to frontload your messages to meet people’s specific needs and values. Busy people want you to convey brief, meaty ideas so they can get back to the gazillion others things on their to-do lists.
Don’t hog the floor. Sometimes people interrupt because it’s the only way they feel they can get a word in edgewise. Do you dominate discussions? If so, that may induce interruptions. Watch for signals and be aware of when others want to contribute.
Stop speed talking. If you’ve ever received feedback that you’re a fast talker, chances are you’re often interrupted. Why? After all, you’re talking as fast as you can. Bingo. Some people can’t digest what you’re saying at a high rate of speed, so they cut in to catch up.
How to handle interrupters
Managing interrupters is situational. The first step is to figure out why people are cutting in. Are they rude or are you inadvertently inviting interruptions? If you feel it’s the other person’s fault, here are a few options to handle the situation:
The polite but firm “right back at ya.” Sometimes you must return the dirty deed with a polite retort, saying something like, “Excuse me, Debbie, but I didn’t get to finish. I’d like to add that…”
The private chat. If a problem persists, privately inquire, “Did you realize that you frequently interrupt me? Is there something I can do to help solve the issue?” Often, pragmatic people are used to being rewarded for being a contributor and they have no idea they’re hurting your feelings.
Establish meeting rules. In some office cultures, meetings are a free-for-all. If enough people are upset, why not work out a system for taking turns? Allot a time limit and seek contributions from everyone. If people know they’ll have an opportunity to talk, they’re more likely to wait their turn.
Keep right on talking.Dealing with a relentless interrupter who just won’t stop? The unconventional, last ditch approach of forging ahead with your sentence and adding more volume delivers a jarring and unmistakable message. It conveys that you’re sick of being rudely interrupted and you’re just not taking it anymore.
The world’s most famous athlete and a two-time presidential contender both torpedoed their careers with their self-destructive narcissism. Tiger Woods referred to his ego- maniacal state as a “sense of entitlement” in his televised mea culpa. John Edwards outed himself as a narcissist in an ABC interview after he was caught cheating on his cancer-stricken wife.
Perhaps there’s someone in your world who’s narcissistic. You may find it challenging to communicate with a person who’s grown accustomed to being puffed up by praise and attention. Surrounded by deferential people – their power walls adorned with plaques – they’ve become bloated versions of themselves. How do you get your message across to a person with an inflated ego?
Let’s back up for a moment. You may not have put a label on their behavior, but here are a few clues to help you identify the egomaniac in your life. You can often peg a narcissist by their:
grandiose sense of self-importance
self-absorption
sense of entitlement
impulsiveness
craving for excessive admiration
preoccupation with power
lack of empathy
judgmental, critical nature
belief that rules don’t apply to them
intolerance to setbacks or slights
explosive anger when frustrated
Know anyone like that? Let’s set aside their vanity (and their sexual vitality in the case of our two high-profile narcissists) and focus on their behavior towards YOU when they get frustrated. Ever been the target of a narcissist’s anger or condemnation? Their once-charming personality morphs into melt-down mode. They lob verbal grenades at you and howl at the moon. It’s painful to be on the receiving end of their demanding, demeaning behavior.
Here are 5 quick tips to help you communicate more effectively with a narcissist:
Give them options. Beneath their bluster, narcissistic people fear being left out of the loop. They crave control. It’s far better to offer them options to choose from, rather than feeding them ready-made decisions. They’ll tear other people’s decisions to shreds. Giving them options helps them feel respected and in control. It also prevents nasty hissy fits.
Focus on solutions, not problems. When you explain a problem or a challenge to a narcissist, direct attention to the solution. Don’t allow them to dissect the problem over and over again. Narcissists love drama and revel in the chaos. They’re easily agitated when frustrated. Define problems and present possible solutions, so they don’t smell blood in the water and tear you apart.
Make them the hero. Narcissists are preoccupied with power and truly believe they are special and unique. They live for attention and admiration. Want them to do something? Tell them how great they are at it and watch them perform. Better yet, praise their performance in front of others. Just keep it real, please.
Let them think it’s their idea. Narcissists often steal the credit for ideas that aren’t theirs. Why do they do that? Strangely, they truly believe that hijacked results are their own. Grabbing credit is a driving force for them. If this gets things done, I say learn to live with it. Over time, everyone will catch on – wink, wink. Meantime, graciously transferring credit for ideas to them makes things happen.
Manage their emotional blind spot. Egomaniacs lack empathy. They’re so caught up in their own world that it doesn’t occur to them to consider your feelings or viewpoints. It’s a huge blind spot. You must put your own feelings on the table if you choose to do so. Just be smart about sharing feelings with a narcissist. Brace yourself for the guilt trips and disparaging criticism that narcissists often dole out when others explain how they feel.
For those of you stuck in a tough relationship – either professionally or personally – I hope you’ll find these tips helpful and will pass them on to others who need them. I believe the key to communicating successfully with a narcissist is to smartly manage the relationship, not just cope with it.
Kraft Chairman and CEO Irene Rosenfeld is scrambling to persuade shareholders that her company’s $17 billion bid to buy British candymaker Cadbury is good for both companies. Her pursuit has drawn poor reactions from both Cadbury’s shareholders and Kraft’s biggest shareholder, Warren Buffett.
I’ll tie this career-defining move to the CEO’s habitual Tilt-A-Whirl head movements (see the photo on the right from a different event) in a moment. First, let’s get your head straight on the essentials.
Rosenfeld is seeking to transform the world’s No. 2 food company into an even bigger global juggernaut – but some feel she hasn’t hit the sweet spot with this takeover attempt.
After Cadbury complained that her price was too low, she told investors that she planned to issue new stock to help pay for the purchase. Buffett, America’s most influential investor, responded with a public smackdown; a press release warning her not to sell stock or increase her price lest it destroy value for Kraft’s shareholders. Don’t spend too much, he urged, as he tried to rein her in. She has until January 19 to make her final offer. Kraft shareholders will vote February 1 on whether to issue more stock. Cadbury stockholders will vote on February 2.
Now, in an effort to convince shareholders and save the deal, the 56-year old CEO is trying to placate both groups. Kraft has posted a video on its corporate website of Rosenfeld being interviewed by a British woman.
Her message in this video is influential but unfortunately, a distracting body language habit trumps the brilliant woman’s point of view. It’s a case of the eyes trump the ears. People must buy into the messenger before they buy into the message. Rosenfeld comes across as a human Tilt-A-Whirl, constantly tilting her head from side-to-side as she speaks. Left-right-left-right-left-right. In addition, in an apparent attempt to appear warm and likable, the CEO plasters on a smile throughout the interview, even when it’s not warranted.
Here are two quick presentation/media coaching tips to help you prevent undermining your executive presence with nervous body signals:
Avoid tilting your head. It looks coy and cute. It’s not a powerful professional move unless you happen to work on the Las Vegas Strip. If that’s not your line of business, keep your head on straight.
Plastered-on smiles don’t cut it. Yes, you’ve heard many times that you should smile, and in most cases you should. But here’s the real truth about smiling: If your smile doesn’t come across as genuine, it can backfire on you. Make sure your smile is heartfelt.
People monitor you for the signals you send. Project a balance of likability and credibility to hit the sweet spot. Don’t let nervous energy undermine your credibility. To learn more about how your energy level is tied to your ability to influence others, read chapter 12 of my book, Talk Less, Say More.
Top 10 Communi-lutions to Improve How People Respond to You In Our Distraction-Driven Decade
Most of us resolve to shed extra pounds, get out of debt, or be more organized as we strive to reinvent ourselves in the New Year. But as the odometer turns over for 2010, what if we focus on a more professionally profound improvement?
Why not resolve to improve how people respond to you? Think of it as your New Year’s “Communi-lutions.” After all, interpersonal communication is radically different in today’s information-overload, distraction-driven decade, so isn’t it time to upgrade your ability to sell your ideas and lead effectively?
Here are my Top 10 Communi-utions to influence your world in the decade ahead:
1.Stop Informing, Start Influencing
The most important communication resolution you can make this year is to transform from being informational to influential. Stop data dumping like a linear play-by-play announcer. Instead, convert into the analyst – the color commentator. Your goal should be to shape people’s understanding and actions, not to dispense information.
2. Stay in Their Moment
Conquer today’s endless distractions by managing your own attention first. Resolve to be right here, right now when speaking with others. Focus on meeting their needs and values, instead of being caught up in your own concerns. Scan for signals and listen for values.
3. Frontload
Don’t bury the lead.People are impatient and overloaded today. Quickly nail your big idea and marry it to what’s most relevant to your listener. People must grasp what’s in it for them – pronto – or they will tune you out. Frontloading your message is the antidote to rambling.
4. Use Goldilocks Candor
As a leader, you must get issues on the table in order to improve performance, so using the right level of candor is crucial. Think of it as a Goldilocks test:Not too hard, not too soft – it’s just right. Goldilocks candor prevents two common missteps: demoralizing and sugarcoating.
5. The Eyes Trump the Ears
Vision – the dominant sense – is a shortcut to clarity. Don’t create confusion with an avalanche of words. Use visuals instead of text whenever possible to help people analyze and understand new information, and integrate it quickly.
6. Talk in Triplets
Three is the world’s most powerful number because our minds crave information in multiples of three. If you want to ensure the clarity of a lengthy or complicated message, tap into the trilogy and use portion control by structuring your message around three key points.
7. Tell Stories
Stories have a longer shelf life than mind-numbing facts because they create mind pictures. Like a good movie, success stories and cautionary tales help others absorb, retain, and repeat your information and ideas.
8. Sound Decisive
Most people are surprised to learn that they don’t sound as decisive as they feel. Weak language and habitual hedging strip you of power. The language of leadership is decisiveness. It’s time to stop wavering and start firming up your communications.
9. Transfer Ownership
Let them own it and they’ll do it. People should feel as if they’re volunteering, not surrendering. A sense of self-discovery is often the difference between gaining commitment or compliance. Shift your ideas and decisions to others so they will embrace them and act.
10. Adjust Your Energy
People constantly monitor you for the signals that you send. Your vocal, facial, and body signals are crucial for a very powerful reason: reciprocity. People give back to you what you give to them. Most of us need an energy boost to balance likability and credibility, which generates commitment and action from others.
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onPoint Communication founder Connie Dieken transforms leaders into influential communicators. She’s the author of Talk Less, Say More, named a top business book for 2009. A former Emmy Award-winning TV news anchor, Connie is an inductee of the Radio/Television Broadcasters Hall of Fame, winner of a Top 10 Women’s Business Owners Award, and an in-demand keynote speaker. You can reach her at Connie@StayOnPoint.com.
The balloon boy’s dad, Richard Heene, thought he’d convinced America that his eccentric family should have its own reality show.
Instead, he got a reality check.
Why? We were on to him, suspicious of his communication style from the get-go. The circumstances leading up to the Jiffy Pop balloon escapade were telling: the Wife Swap appearances. The rant-filled video of the balloon release. The former colleagues calling Heene a narcissistic attention-seeker.
Dad got precisely the attention he didn’t want when his non-balloon boy opened his mouth on live TV. Falcon revealed what six year olds often do – the truth. “You said we did it for the show,” he replied to dear old dad, talking too much.
Whoops. The family’s alibi just floated away.
So what does this have to do with you in the workplace? Everything. We’re living in a skeptical world. Even when you try to convince others to buy into your ideas and decisions legitimately, people are suspicious they’re being duped. The more you talk, the less they believe. The new default status is to assume that people are pulling a fast one.
In my new book, Talk Less, Say More, I lay out the three habits you need to influence others successfully in our demanding 21st century world. The 3 habits are to Connect-Convey-Convince®. Heene’s stunt soared through the first two habits by engaging and laying out a strong storyline, but his balloon popped as he attempted the third and trickiest habit, to convince.
First, let’s get clear about what I mean by convincing, which is very different from manipulating. The difference is intent. Manipulators like Richard Heene focus on their own needs and theirs alone. They’re determined to get their way, regardless of their impact on others. They’ll steamroll, lie, or talk too much in order to get what they want. Ultimately, a manipulator’s story doesn’t ring true, so he/she fails to convince.
It’s a tremendous challenge to influence behaviors, decisions and actions in today’s skeptical world. Here are three strategies to help you convince honestly and successfully:
Sound decisive. Stop babbling and backpedaling. Caught in a tangled web when his son outed him, Heene started backpedaling. He stalled as he tried to come up with an plausible answer as to why Falcon said, “we did it for the show.” With the evidence mounting against him, dad’s balloon of confidence deflated. He sidestepped by blaming the media, and he came across as deceptive.
Transfer ownership. You need peer power in order to convince others to buy in. That means you must shift your ideas and decisions to others so they’ll embrace them. Did Heene have peers in his life who backed him up? No. One by one, former colleagues stepped forward to trash the guy. They essentially called him a media whore. His peers weren’t convinced that he was telling the truth, so we weren’t either.
Adjust your energy. It’s critical to choose the right energy level for the situation. Mom and pop Heene seemed to have hit the sweet spot for the 911 call and the ensuing police visit at the house. The cops who monitored the family on lift-off day thought the Henne family got the verbal and body language right. But they couldn’t sustain it. Why? Energy feeds on itself. Once the Heene’s went off-script, they were done in. Turns out the “amateur scientist” was also an amateur actor. Dad’s body language when young Falcon talked too much on CNN was a giant red flag. Dad’s face, body and tone of voice changed drastically and revealed that he was lying.
Heene’s plan to land a reality gig crash landed, and not nearly as gently as the Jiffy Pop balloon in the newly-ploughed field. Instead of facing reality TV cameras, Heene and his wife are now facing federal charges. Bottom line? Convincing is not a thunderbolt event. It’s not a once-and-done episode. It’s a sequence of events that unfolds incrementally, earning others’ trust and respect. And that’s not hot air.
The balloon boy’s dad, Richard Heene, thought he’d convinced America that his eccentric family should have its own reality show.
