Posts Tagged ‘Confidence’

Reconsider Confidence – It’s Not What You Think

Monday, June 20th, 2011 by Connie Dieken

Recently, my life has been packed with one life-altering experience after another. Among them were two milestone graduations – my son’s from college and my daughter’s from high school. (This makes me feel so old.  Congratulations, Spencer and Ali!)

Which got me to thinking about confidence – and how people completely misunderstand it. Confidence is more critical now than ever in the economy we’re facing today. It’s essential to cultivate it so you can seize opportunities and avoid pitfalls.

But it’s not just recent graduates who crave confidence – every C-suite executive whom I’ve had the privilege to coach wants a booster shot to help them be more influential and make things happen. They understand that  confidence begets influence and personal impact.

But here’s the catch: you crush your own confidence every day. Oh, you don’t intend to.  Chances are, you don’t even realize that you’re undermining your ability to make an impact, day-in and day-out. It’s certainly not your intent.

So what’s going on?

Simple. You may confuse confidence with self-esteem. Grasping the difference between the two can transform how you interact with others – whether you’re a seasoned executive or a newbie in the business world. I’ve witnessed extraordinary transformations in leaders’ abilities to influence as I share this secret of executive presence and then coach them in how to unleash their confidence in presentations and other make-it or break-it interactions. Even the most anxious public speaker – whose jitters would normally crush their own confidence in the front of the room – will morph into a remarkably influential presenter when they employ this unshakable confidence technique.

So what is confidence, then? Simply put, confidence is the expectation of a positive outcome in a specific situation.  Period.  It’s not self-esteem, which is how you secretly size yourself up and assign your status in the world.  Self-esteem is where insecurities like Imposter Syndrome lurk. Unlike self-esteem, confidence is situational. Which means you’re completely in control to ignite it or zap it like a bug on neon – one situation at a time.  Confidence is easily within reach when you unhook it from the complicated, big-picture puzzle of self-esteem. Tell yourself that you are prepared in this specific situation, envision a positive outcome, and fear will melt away. This shift in mindset is simple, yet it’s a profound game-changer.

I encourage you to devour the interview with Tim Sanders in my next post.  Tim will challenge you to reconsider confidence,  helping you overcome self-doubt and fear.

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Presentation Rock Stars: Powerful Stroke of Insight

Monday, January 24th, 2011 by Connie Dieken

Tips to Help You Influence When You’re in the Spotlight

An astounding thing happened to this quirky brain researcher – she suffered a massive stroke and studied herself as her brain functions shut down, one by one. In this remarkable TED Talk presentation, Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor reenacts exactly how it feels when your brain fails you.

Even more powerfully, she crafts an unmistakable call to action that could alter the course of your life. That’s what makes this unassuming, unpolished doctor my selection as this month’s “Presentation Rock Star.”

I’d encourage you to watch this brief video because you’ll gain insight from Jill. But if you’re in a hurry, please read my actionable tips below to discover how you can command any room and influence your world, no matter what topic you’re delivering…

How to Rock an Audience Like This Star:

1) Be a naked presenter. No, Dr. Bolte Taylor is not sans clothing. She’s devoid of pretense. She doesn’t slip into formal presentation mode or try to impress the audience with “doc talk.” Yes, she has some unique delivery quirks, but she’s not trying to be slick so you embrace her as the authentic professional that she is.

You can have this impact if you:

  • Suspend your fear of criticism. Confidence is situational – make that choice. Accept that your expertise deserves a spotlight.
  • You are worthy. Be you, not a pretender.
  • Chase away your evil twin who thinks you’ll impress people by being formal and slick.

2) Share a jaw-droppingly relevant visual. Did you feel the energy in the room shift when she revealed a real human brain on stage? Sure you did. Afterwards, her body became the only visual necessary. Slides be darned.

You can do this if you:

  • Ask yourself, “What’s the most impactful visual I could share in person?”
  • Move mountains to secure it. It may not be a human brain, but a relevant visual will instantly engage and improve the dynamics in the room.

3) Know exactly where you’re taking the audience. Dr. Bolte Taylor developed her presentation with a clear, simple intention: she wanted you to choose to live more from the right side of your brain. Her efforts paid off – she received a rare standing ovation from her TED Talks audience.

You can impact an audience like this if you:

  • Develop your message upside down. Start with your close. Ask yourself, “What, specifically, do I want this audience to do as a result of this talk?” Once you’ve settled on this critical but often overlooked element, then you can go back and develop your open and middle.
  • Hold off on opening PowerPoint. Software programs are linear and will take you down the information track, not the influence track. Decide where you’re taking the audience before you let your software influence your mission.

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Stop Selling Yourself Short – Be a Confident Communicator

Sunday, August 22nd, 2010 by Connie Dieken

Being a confident communicator who influences others is a choice you make each and every day.  Every time you attempt to sell an idea, product, or service, you can choose to:

A) Own your message and go all in, or
B) Wimp out by watering down, withholding, or collapsing to the competition.

I was the queen of watering down when I launched my business ten years ago.  I’d like to think my intentions were honorable – I wanted to get along with everyone in my industry and I didn’t want to sound too full of myself.  But by diminishing my messages about how potential clients could benefit from working with me,  I sold myself short. Worst yet, I missed opportunities to contribute and help leaders learn to influence at the top of their game.

What about you?  Are you selling yourself short? Perhaps you could learn a lesson from this little girl:

Motivational Girl Speech

I’m on a mission to help you become a more confident communicator – every bit as motivated and self-assured as the little girl in the video.  Confident communicators influence others and make things happen. Let me ground you with a few communi-truths:

  1. Confidence is the expectation of a positive outcome. It’s the opposite of negativity.  Confidence requires that you tackle and wrestle your inner critic to the ground so you project an outlook every bit as positive as the little girl in the video. Don’t choose to be road kill. Confidence is situational – expect a positive outcome in a specific situation, motivate yourself to attain it, and deliver your message to the world, unabashed. You’ll exude executive presence.
  2. Confidence stays in the moment. Maybe the product or service you sell has an imperfect past.  So what?  Every product/service worth its weight in gold has been beta tested and improved in stages.  Stop looking behind you and sounding apologetic as you dwell on past imperfections. Great ideas are a work in progress – your job is to stay in the moment and deliver the here and now.
  3. Own your message or your competition will own you. Don’t let the competition define you by telling cautionary tales to potential customers.  That’s the negative comparison trap.  Instead, spread your own message.  Communicate your unique success stories and watch people gain trust in you.

Confident communicators don’t sell themselves short when they face pushbacks. They don’t come across as defeated when challenged.  Instead, they move the ball forward and confidently change minds, resulting in a win-win for all involved. Now get out there and influence your world!

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Gaining Confidence in Front of a Room

Tuesday, June 29th, 2010 by Connie Dieken

You might be surprised at how many executives say they lack confidence in front of audiences and want to gain the skill.

Here’s a nerve-wracking experience that I keep in mind as I coach high-powered leaders who want to improve their presentation skills. It starts in my rear view mirror, back when I was sixteen years old. My high school business teacher entered me in the Future Business Leaders of America speech contest. First of all, you should know that I had never given a speech before.  Secondly, I was raised in a humble family in a tiny Indiana farm town, so I had no clue what topic to choose for a business speech.  I certainly didn’t have any compelling business nuggets that would rock Wall Street to its core.

As the deadline to select my topic approached, and with no sudden emergence of business acuity, I chose a simple, safe speech title: “Confidence is the Key.” Yes, I know – my topic choice was part lame, part prophetic.

When the day of the speech arrived, I stood before the audience in my self-styled seersucker suit with a homemade poster as my visual. The poster was canary yellow, featuring a giant black key that I’d cut out of construction paper and carefully glued next to my emphatic magic marker title. You get the level of sophistication. Unlike a James Bond Martini, I was shaken and stirred as I dug deep and delivered my heart-felt message. I’ll get to the outcome of the contest in a moment – it’s pertinent, I promise.

Luckily, my grasp of presentation skills has evolved a bit since high school, so here are a few secrets to help you become a remarkably confident communicator, despite your nerves:

  • Forget the underwear. The solution to overcoming nerves is not to picture the audience in their underwear – that’s a tired old tale.  Instead, the smart solution is to shift your focus to serving the audience. Make this your new presentation mantra: the purpose of my presentation is the people. The people. It’s not about creating killer slides. Not about seeing how much information you can cram in. Not about whether your mouth is dry or you’re sweating through your jacket.  Your mission is to create a positive experience that will influence people to act. Shift your focus to serving the audience and an amazing transformation will happen.
  • Confidence is situational. If you think self-confidence and self-esteem are interchangeable words, hit the reset button. Confidence is the expectation of a positive outcome in a specific situation.  It’s very different from self-esteem and your underlying sense of worth.  The key to a confident presentation is to prepare for the specific situation.  Smart preparation will help you wrestle your nerves to the ground.  Expect a positive outcome in this one specific situation, prepare for it with a sound strategy, and you’ll achieve it. Every time.
  • Lacking confidence is selfish. You read that right. It sounds harsh, so let me explain. If you lack confidence in a presentation it means that you’re focusing your attention squarely on yourself.  Everyone gets butterflies before presenting.  I know I still do. But butterflies are actually a good sign because it means that you’re taking the presentation seriously.  You have a choice: you can let the butterflies undermine the situation by focusing on your own feelings — or you can use them as an edge to redirect your focus and take your audience to a higher level.
  • Forget perfection – think excellence. Please understand that this is a huge statement coming from a recovering perfectionist. When you stop worrying about being flawless, people will start relating to you. Aim for excellence instead of absolute perfection. Truth be told, people see right through the illusion of perfection anyway and value genuine, relatable human beings, warts and all. Spewing endless, perfect factoids with a flawless style leaves people cold and that’s a confidence killer.
  • Don’t slip into “presentation mode.” Do you morph into a faux-heavyweight version of yourself when you present?  Stay centered. You’re good enough.  If there’s a glitch, stay light and handle it graciously or humorously. Turn mistakes into advantages. You’ll light a fire by aiming for people’s hearts, not their heads. Take the pressure off of yourself  and see how much better people respond to you. Isn’t that the point of business communication – getting a positive response?

Since you’ve stuck around this long, I’ll share how my high school business speech contest ended. The sixteen year old mini-me surprised myself by winning the state and regional contests with my “Confidence is the Key” presentation. I then packed up my poster board and boarded my first-ever airplane to the national finals where I became the top loser in America.  In other words, I was first runner-up nationwide.  The judges chose an experienced eighteen year with big city business ideas as the top Future Business Leaders of America speech winner.

Rightfully so. The winning speech was content-rich and well-delivered. I learned that content and delivery are equally important to your success and I’m passionate about  sharing the secrets to reaching this presentation nirvana with executives today.

Clearly, confidence is a key to business success. But I don’t recommend a goofy poster board.

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How to Hijack Your Own Influence during Q&A

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009 by admin

You’ve been leading a high priority mission for months.  You’ve pushed. Prodded. You’ve influenced internally because you believe it’s the most vital issue facing your organization. Your team has invested sweat equity and they’re counting on you to make it happen publicly.

At last, it’s time to present your idea to an audience and influence others to take action.  So what happens when you finally stand before your audience and take your swing at bat?

You get hijacked during Q&A.

obama-health-presser-2It happened to the President of the United States on his home turf last week. At the end of his prime time health care news conference, Barack Obama answered a hot button question that was totally off-topic.  Instead of asking about health care, a reporter asked the president what he thought of the confrontation between Harvard scholar Henry Louis Gates and Cambridge police officer James Crowley. The president weighed in with his opinion on race relations, ending with the tantalizing words “acted stupidly.”

Bingo! Home run for the reporter! She’d successfully hijacked a presidential press conference. If this was a game of chess, she’d just pulled a capture: removing the opponent’s piece or pawn from the board by taking it with one’s own. The president’s health care headline was toast. Now, the headlines were commandeered to scream of the 3 P’s: the president, the professor and the police.

This is a living, breathing reminder to all of us to be mindful of Q&A so that our message doesn’t become part of an opportunistic takeover – friendly or hostile.

Here are a few tips to help ensure that you don’t hijack your own influence during Q&A:

  • Don’t answer too quickly. If the question is off-topic and hot button, don’t allow yourself to be hijacked.  Gently but firmly respond that the question is important but it’s off-topic and will be best addressed during a more appropriate occasion. Offer a specific time when you will provide a thoughtful answer.  The key is that you shouldn’t appear to be dodging the question. You’re simply deferring it to a more appropriate time and place.
  • Keep your answer brief. The more you talk, the more likely you are to get caught up in your underwear and say something you’ll regret. Long answers often lead to an unfortunate choice of words (think “acted stupidly”) that can bite you in the backside. Talk less, but say more.
  • Bridge back to your key points.  The purpose of your presentation is to influence your audience and drive them to action.  Never forget that.  Use the audience’s questions to reinforce your key points, not to steer the boat in a completely different direction.
  • Don’t let Q&A be the final word. Always have two closings.  1) The one that ends your prepared remarks before Q&A, and 2) the one that wraps everything up after Q&A.  End with power and a strength of conviction that your message is high priority and actionable.
  • Plan for hot topic tie-ins. You shouldn’t be surprised in today’s “anything goes” society.  Think current events.  What’s on people’s minds? Prepare, prepare, prepare.

As a communication coach, I guide senior executives in their high-profile presentations. As the day of their presentation draws near, I shift our focus from delivery of their key messages to preparation for high stakes Q&A.   I ask every  relevant question that I believe their audience might ask to ensure that the executive is influential in driving the ball forward, not backwards. Then, I slip on my broadcaster’s  cap and link their topic to other hot-button topics. This is an eye-opening exercise for executives who tell me it  has saved them from embarrassment, being at a loss for words, saying something they’d later regret, and a loss of leadership influence. It boosts their confidence to handle anything that comes their way.

My inner Girl Scout constantly whispers the motto “Be prepared” in my ear.  Never has that been more essential than in today’s loosey-goosey world of Q&A.

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