Archive for the ‘Executive Presence’ Category
Thursday, December 1st, 2011 by Connie Dieken
Do you feel boring? Or fascinating? I promise that no matter how run-of-the-mill you may feel most days, you possess a leadership quality that others find fascinating. I see this unfold every day in my executive coaching practice. Every leader has a unique asset, an inner strength that defines their executive presence.
What I find fascinating is that most leaders arrive at my coaching session oblivious to their unique asset. They don’t see themselves as others do. I find great joy in helping leaders identify what’s influential about them – and then help them amplify it.
If you identify and amplify your unique assets, you will become far more influential. More powerful. More authentically and satisfyingly you.
I recently taped an interview with Sally Hogshead, the author of “Fascinate,” to help uncover seven qualities that she believes fascinates others. If, by chance, you’re snickering over Sally’s last name, she has a heartfelt, unique retort for you at the end of this video. As you’ll see, it’s part of what makes Sally so darned fascinating herself.
I hope you enjoy this quick video to learn which fascinating qualities YOU possess:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=huR3JVnNebo
Tags: communication, Connie Dieken, Executive Presence, Fascinate, Influence, Leadership, Sally Hogshead
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Influence, Leadership | No Comments »
Saturday, November 12th, 2011 by Connie Dieken
It was the silence heard around the world: Rick Perry’s brain freeze. Perry’s mental cramp during the GOP presidential debate stole the show and was quickly hailed as one of the worst memory meltdowns in history. It was a cringe-inducing 53 seconds as Perry scrambled to recall the name of the third federal agency he’d shut down, to no avail.
I’m not focusing on politics here. My interest is in YOU as an influential leader and how you can prevent your own case of message meltdown. After many year of observing and serving leaders, I’m convinced that brain freeze in public speaking is completely preventable, no matter how nervous you are. Many people’s fear of public speaking and delivering presentations hinges on this issue, so I’d like to share three strategies to conquer it. (With a respectful wink and nod to Governor Perry, let’s hope I don’t forget the third.)
What’s at stake when an episode of brain freeze strikes? Your credibility can disappear with your memory. Your confidence can take a profound, life-altering beating. In addition, brain freeze can either 1) create an unfavorable first impression of you, or 2) cement an unfavorable view that others already have of you.
Here are three tips to prevent you from drawing a blank when delivering a message:
Believe your message deeply. Your brain’s frontal lobe is sensitive to anxiety. Psychologists say stress hormones can temporarily block your frontal lobe from the rest of your brain. You’re frantically searching for a word, but like a computer file that’s locked, your brain is blocking access to it. Fear is like a virus, infecting your thoughts. It’s guided by self-preservation. The solution? Don’t rely solely on your brain to deliver a message when the stakes are high. Believe your message deeply. A speech or presentation is a transfer of emotion. Engage both your head and your heart to share your message with others. Tap into your message both intellectually and emotionally. When you deliver from the heart, you free yourself of the susceptibility that anxiety will scramble your brain.
Beware of adding new information too close to delivery. Brand spanking new information leaves you vulnerable to drawing a blank. You haven’t fully processed and internalized new info yet. You might as well send a party invitation to your brain inviting message meltdown when you add new information on the fly. But Connie, you ask – what if my boss gives me last minute information that I have to include? What if I learn something at the last minute that’s important? Of course you should add this type of information to your presentation. But here’s the antidote: write that information down and keep it right in front of you. Prominently. During Perry’s meltdown, he frantically searched his notes, but couldn’t come up with that third agency. Perhaps it was buried in his notes. Perhaps he was off-point. I don’t know. But I do know that a prominently displayed, bulleted list would have saved Perry from this public humiliation. So save yourself. If you have new, unprocessed information to share, keep it written prominently in front of you. Think of it as an insurance policy.
Deliver boldly. Do you fear criticism? Does the concern that someone will take a shot at you linger in the back of your mind during delivery? This is pure poison. The good news is that it’s self-induced, which means you have control over it. Confidence is the expectation of a positive outcome in a specific situation. Breathe deeply, visualize a positive outcome and let go of the fear. Forget perfection – think excellence. Don’t morph into your boring, evil twin in front of an audience. No one wants an automaton delivering a perfectly rote message- they value a person with a passionate point of view.
The only true metric of public speaking is the audience’s response. Embrace your opportunity to move others to action. Use these three tips and you’ll replace brain freeze with liquid gold for your audience – and yourself.
Tags: Brain freeze, communication, Connie Dieken, Fear of public speaking, Influence, Presentation Skills, public speaking, Rick Perry
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Monday, June 20th, 2011 by Connie Dieken
Recently, my life has been packed with one life-altering experience after another. Among them were two milestone graduations – my son’s from college and my daughter’s from high school. (This makes me feel so old. Congratulations, Spencer and Ali!)
Which got me to thinking about confidence – and how people completely misunderstand it. Confidence is more critical now than ever in the economy we’re facing today. It’s essential to cultivate it so you can seize opportunities and avoid pitfalls.
But it’s not just recent graduates who crave confidence – every C-suite executive whom I’ve had the privilege to coach wants a booster shot to help them be more influential and make things happen. They understand that confidence begets influence and personal impact.
But here’s the catch: you crush your own confidence every day. Oh, you don’t intend to. Chances are, you don’t even realize that you’re undermining your ability to make an impact, day-in and day-out. It’s certainly not your intent.
So what’s going on?
Simple. You may confuse confidence with self-esteem. Grasping the difference between the two can transform how you interact with others – whether you’re a seasoned executive or a newbie in the business world. I’ve witnessed extraordinary transformations in leaders’ abilities to influence as I share this secret of executive presence and then coach them in how to unleash their confidence in presentations and other make-it or break-it interactions. Even the most anxious public speaker – whose jitters would normally crush their own confidence in the front of the room – will morph into a remarkably influential presenter when they employ this unshakable confidence technique.
So what is confidence, then? Simply put, confidence is the expectation of a positive outcome in a specific situation. Period. It’s not self-esteem, which is how you secretly size yourself up and assign your status in the world. Self-esteem is where insecurities like Imposter Syndrome lurk. Unlike self-esteem, confidence is situational. Which means you’re completely in control to ignite it or zap it like a bug on neon – one situation at a time. Confidence is easily within reach when you unhook it from the complicated, big-picture puzzle of self-esteem. Tell yourself that you are prepared in this specific situation, envision a positive outcome, and fear will melt away. This shift in mindset is simple, yet it’s a profound game-changer.
I encourage you to devour the interview with Tim Sanders in my next post. Tim will challenge you to reconsider confidence, helping you overcome self-doubt and fear.
Tags: communication, Confidence, Connie Dieken, Criticism, Executive Presence, Influence, Influential Leader, Leadership, Presentation Skills, Tim Sanders, Today We Are Rich
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Thursday, March 31st, 2011 by Connie Dieken
Strolling along a white sandy beach on a working vacation with my teenage daughter in the Bahamas this week, we spent our mornings searching for shells. (Okay, she kept her eyes open for cute guys, too, but that’s another matter.)
You know how it goes. First day, first beach walk, you stop for every pretty shell. After a while, though, you grow more selective. No matter how perfectly formed, most shells begin to look alike. Generic. Unremarkable. Boring. Until that one BOLD shell stands out and you simply must stop to pick it up and admire it. You may even take it with you.
Same with your leadership communications.
The more discerning the follower, the more they hold you to a higher standard. Seasoned peers, direct reports and clients are harder to influence, inspire and impact. They feel they’ve seen it all and heard it all. They’re a skeptical bunch. Question is: are your communications bold enough to stand out like a remarkable shell on the beach? Or are they ho-hum enough to be overlooked?
Tags: Bahamas, communication, Leadership
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Influence, Leadership | No Comments »
Thursday, March 24th, 2011 by Connie Dieken
Connie interviews Carol Roth
Carol Roth is a leader you should know. Think of her as Suze Orman, one generation removed; she’s a financial braintrust who leapfrogged from working class to privileged status through sheer determination and wicked smarts.
Carol has a “spinach in your teeth” approach to business and life. She tells it like it is. Period. Growing up, friends labeled her ‘Lucy Van Pelt’ (as in Peanuts fame) because people have always been magnetically drawn to Carol for advice – and she doles it out.
Carol has a new book on the shelves called The Entrepreneur Equation. On launch week, it was the top selling book on Amazon. No surprise here. Carol’s determination would settle for nothing less.
If you’re not an entrepreneur, don’t be deterred by the book title. In our interview, Carol doles out advice that you should take to heart if you want to be successful as a leader in any field. I hope you’ll listen to my podcast with Carol or read the transcript, which are at the end of this post.
Meantime, here’s a sample of my no-holds barred conversation with Carol:
You take a ‘just because you can, doesn’t mean you should’ approach.
Yes. Just because you are able to do something, doesn’t mean that it’s the choice for you. It doesn’t mean that you’re going to be successful at it, and it doesn’t mean that it is the path that will best serve you.
So I really wanted to create this framework, Connie, where you can ask yourself tough questions and really be able to evaluate things, whether it is a business – or really using the framework for anything else in your life – to see if you were making good decisions, if you should, if the rewards greatly outweigh the risks, and it’s the way that you’re going to be most successful. If not, if there’s anything you can go and do to stack the odds in your favor to make yourself more successful or give yourself a better chance at success.
I want to pull out a quote from your book, which says, ‘Our society is built upon blowing smoke up each others (butts). Our collective unwillingness to engage in a reality check has gotten us into deep doo doo.’
Yes. And I did not use the word butt! If you think about the economic crisis that we are in still, and have been in for several years, how did that happen? It started happening because people were buying things that they couldn’t afford. Particularly homes, but also running up credit card debts for everything else.
If we were based in reality, we’d say, “Hey, folks, don’t do this. You can’t afford it!” We would not be in the situation we’re in today.
And so I think it’s really, really critical to be able, in life, to address issues. To call them out. Just find that elephant in the room and say, “Hey! There’s an elephant in the room: let’s just address it!” And, if we’re able to do that, that’s when we can grow. We can grow by addressing the problem.
But, if we just ignore it, then, eventually, that elephant wreaks havoc! And it did in our economy. And so I think that, whether it’s entrepreneurship or leadership or influence, you’ve got to be willing, in a non-confrontational and very smart, straightforward way, to say, “Hey, we have a problem. And the only reason we’re pointing it out is not to throw blame, but because we want to fix it. We want to grow and be successful. We want to move on.”
But there are many people who sugarcoat because we want people to like us and we don’t want to hurt peoples’ feelings.
I’m over that!
We sensed that, Carol. Did you ever do that?
Oh yeah. I’m a people pleaser by nature, so it’s always been a little bit of a struggle, when I realize somebody doesn’t like something I’ve suggested. But then I finally reached a point where I realized that, if I wasn’t pis_ing a few people off, then I wasn’t pushing the envelope enough, I wasn’t doing anything worthwhile.
The people who are considered nice or caring, are the vanilla people in the middle. They’re not doing anything remarkable or interesting or extreme. I didn’t want to be that, and I’m not that person. So I got to the point where I wasn’t getting any haters on my blog and I was kind of upset. “Everyone’s agreeing with me – I must not be writing the right things.” And then, finally, I start getting some haters, and I’m thinking, “Yes! Now we’re rolling here.”
Where to Learn More about Carol
Carol’s book is great resource whether you’re considering being an entrepreneur or already well down the path. It’s loaded with practical, spinach in your teeth advice to save you a lot of heartaches and headaches. 
Listen to the podcast: http://bit.ly/fjJI9r
PDF transcript: Dieken-Roth Transcript
Get Carol’s book on Amazon: http://amzn.to/e2Ajs4
Visit Carol’s site: http://carolroth.com
You Read. We Reward. Win a Copy.
Would you like to win a fre-e copy of Carol’s book? It’s simple. Just submit a comment below, telling me the most valuable lesson you learned from Carol’s interview. I’ll pick a winner and send the book to you. Good luck!
Tags: Carol Roth, Connie Dieken, Entrepreneur Equation, Entrepreneurship, Financial advice, Influence, Lucy Van Pelt, Suze Orman
Posted in Communication Skills, Exclusive Podcasts, Executive Presence, Influence, Leadership | 11 Comments »
Tuesday, March 15th, 2011 by Connie Dieken
Are you an authentic, charismatic leader? Do you need to exude these qualities in order to lead effectively?
One of America’s top communication theorists and coaches says, “Yes, absolutely.”
Connie interviews Dr. Nick Morgan
Dr. Nick Morgan believes authenticity and charisma are a key to your leadership and that you shouldn’t leave them to chance. Dr. Morgan is the CEO of Public Words, former editor of the Harvard Management Communication Letter, and is the author of Trust Me: Four Steps to Authenticity and Charisma.
I urge you to download the complimentary 30 minute podcast and PDF transcription of our conversation. You’ll hear Nick’s take on many subjects including:
- How the latest brain research could transform the way you think about communicating
- What you do that accidentally sets people on edge & shuts down all chances of getting your point across
- Why adrenaline makes you robotic and monotonous
Here’s an excerpt of our conversation:
Nick: I think that influential leadership is about authenticity. I think that, in this day and age, we have such a very highly attuned bullsh*t factor, if I can use that word. We’re very quick to determine ‘fake’ in people and in companies; so I think that powerful leadership begins with that: “What are you really about?” Focus: give me the essentials. I think it’s the job of a leader not to just have a vision, but to spend the time getting that vision down to its simplest, purest essence, because of the information overload that we’ve talked about.
I think that the requirements, the ante has just been raised; maybe it used to be simpler, but now it’s tough. And that’s what you have to do. And so leadership keeps getting harder and harder but, in a sense, there’s good news; and I think it’s all more and more about being truly real, being authentic. And, with that authenticity, comes focus; and, with emotional focus, comes charisma. So it kind of flows naturally out of getting the authenticity right.
Connie: And then, of course, you’ve got to make things happen. You can’t just be a person who speaks eloquently but doesn’t actually execute.
Nick: Right. And we’re getting out of my head into yours, but that’s exactly right; leadership, ultimately, is about changing lives, changing behavior, getting people to do things that they wouldn’t do on their own, together.
To hear the MP3, click here
To download the PDF transcript, click here
Where to learn more about Nick Morgan
Dr. Nick’s book, Trust Me, is a great resource for any leader who wants to be authentic and charismatic. I highly recommend it.
Click here to get a copy on Amazon: http://amzn.to/hSN9SK
Click here to visit Nick Morgan’s website: http://www.publicwords.com/
You Write. We Reward.
If you’d like to win a fr-ee, autographed copy of Trust Me, I’ve arranged with Nick to send one to a lucky leader. Simply leave a comment today on this blog about how the interview inspired you (be specific, please) and I’ll select a winner to receive the complimentary copy. Good luck!
Tags: Authenticity, Charisma, Connie Dieken, Dr. Nick Morgan, Harvard Management Communication Letter, Influence, Influential Leader, Leadership, Trust Me
Posted in Communication Skills, Exclusive Podcasts, Executive Presence, Influence, Leadership, Presentation Skills | 5 Comments »
Sunday, October 24th, 2010 by Connie Dieken
I recently intereviewed Dr. Condoleezza Rice in front of a live audience gathered for a book signing of her newly-released memoir, “Extraordinary, Ordinary People.”
The former Secretary of State exceeded my high expectations during her public speaking opportunity.
Yes, she was a terrific interview and the book-signing crowd loved her – but you would have expected that. Media pros know how to bridge any question to a key message they want to deliver. She shared engaging stories about her parents, her recent experience accompanying diva Aretha Franklin on the piano, her love of football, and the most compelling people she met around the globe as the country’s top diplomat.
But what caught me off guard was her genuine warmth backstage in the greenroom prior to the interview. Some book critics have taken shots at Dr. Rice’s memoir, describing her writing as “aloof” and “distant.” As a result, I expected a brusque, all-business presence to sweep into the green room, impatient to move on with the evening.
Instead, Condi Rice was remarkably warm, thoughtful, and razor sharp. Upon learning my name, she even labeled us the “Connie and Condi” show. Despite her stature, influence and impact, she totally connected with every person in the room, from an intern to a pro athlete and NFL analyst.
Matter of fact, after the interview, the NFL analyst told me that Dr. Rice seemed to knows more about detailed football strategy than he does. Talk about influencing a discerning audience!
Tags: Communication Skills, Condoleezza Rice, Influence, public speaking
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Leadership, Media Skills, Presentation Skills | 2 Comments »
Tuesday, September 28th, 2010 by Connie Dieken
Consider the fire hydrant’s purpose. Your neighborhood fire plug lets firefighters tap into the municipal water system to extinguish a fire. They attach a hose to the cast iron hydrant, screw open a valve and whoosh, out comes a powerful flow of water. Simple enough.
But have you ever considered how you might be using a fire hydrant habit when you communicate? Someone requests the communication equivalent of a sip of water but instead, you screw open a hydrant… and flood them with too much information.
Perhaps you launch into long-winded explanations when you’re asked simple questions. Maybe you send e-mails two screens long with five attachments. Perhaps you leave voice mails so lengthy that you get cut off by the beep.
If so, people are having frustrating experiences communicating with you and it’s damaging your credibility. People are probably avoiding communicating with you as a result. They see your name on caller ID and let it go to voice mail. They ignore your emails. They interrupt you constantly during presentations, meetings and other face-to-face interactions.
If you’re getting these outcomes, it’s time to stop the flow of blah, blah, blah. Here are a few ways to do it:
- Think portion control
- Aim for clarity, not confusion
- Answer questions first, justify them second
- Use shorter sentences
- Send succinct, frontloaded e-mails
- Use bullets instead of run-on sentences
- Use visuals instead of text whenever possible
- Present info narrow and deep, not wide and shallow
- Be aware of the effect you have on people
Like a dieter counting calories, put yourself on a communication diet. We must all re-learn what a proper serving size is in today’s world where we’re bombarded with communications 24/7.
Once you overcome the fire hydrant habit, you’ll see that others seek your input and stay tuned in when you talk. Just as importantly, people will happily park themselves within six feet of you without the fear of being soaked by a data dump.
Tags: Clarity, Communication Skills, Connie Dieken, Data dump, Interaction, Meetings, over-explain, Presentations, Ramble, Rambling, Say More, Talk Less
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Leadership, Presentation Skills | No Comments »
Sunday, August 22nd, 2010 by Connie Dieken
Being a confident communicator who influences others is a choice you make each and every day. Every time you attempt to sell an idea, product, or service, you can choose to:
A) Own your message and go all in, or
B) Wimp out by watering down, withholding, or collapsing to the competition.
I was the queen of watering down when I launched my business ten years ago. I’d like to think my intentions were honorable – I wanted to get along with everyone in my industry and I didn’t want to sound too full of myself. But by diminishing my messages about how potential clients could benefit from working with me, I sold myself short. Worst yet, I missed opportunities to contribute and help leaders learn to influence at the top of their game.
What about you? Are you selling yourself short? Perhaps you could learn a lesson from this little girl:
Motivational Girl Speech
I’m on a mission to help you become a more confident communicator – every bit as motivated and self-assured as the little girl in the video. Confident communicators influence others and make things happen. Let me ground you with a few communi-truths:
- Confidence is the expectation of a positive outcome. It’s the opposite of negativity. Confidence requires that you tackle and wrestle your inner critic to the ground so you project an outlook every bit as positive as the little girl in the video. Don’t choose to be road kill. Confidence is situational – expect a positive outcome in a specific situation, motivate yourself to attain it, and deliver your message to the world, unabashed. You’ll exude executive presence.
- Confidence stays in the moment. Maybe the product or service you sell has an imperfect past. So what? Every product/service worth its weight in gold has been beta tested and improved in stages. Stop looking behind you and sounding apologetic as you dwell on past imperfections. Great ideas are a work in progress – your job is to stay in the moment and deliver the here and now.
- Own your message or your competition will own you. Don’t let the competition define you by telling cautionary tales to potential customers. That’s the negative comparison trap. Instead, spread your own message. Communicate your unique success stories and watch people gain trust in you.
Confident communicators don’t sell themselves short when they face pushbacks. They don’t come across as defeated when challenged. Instead, they move the ball forward and confidently change minds, resulting in a win-win for all involved. Now get out there and influence your world!
Tags: communication, communicator, Competition, Confidence, Executive Presence, Influence, Leaders, motivation, road kill, sales
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Leadership | No Comments »
Saturday, July 10th, 2010 by Connie Dieken
LeBron James and Dan Gilbert both damaged their global presence with their communications this week. LeBron’s theatrics were a narcissistic nightmare. Gilbert’s knee-jerk open letter was widely interpreted as an example of a sore loser.
At least Gilbert’s passionate response was fascinatingly transparent and straight from the heart. LeBron’s was purely from the head and didn’t ring true.
Here are seven ways that the man who covets a ring didn’t ring true during his televised hostage release:
- Deceptive body language. LeBron did a poor acting job of trying to look humble, furrowed brow and all. His attempt to look “pained” backfired, resulting in him looking uncomfortable and lacking warmth. More importantly, LeBron’s lips gave him away. When he revealed his choice, he pursed his lips. The lips are among the most emotional parts of the body. Pursed lips are a sign of unvoiced emotion. He was being deceptive.
- Ludicrous use of the phrase “humbling experience.” LeBron said the vetting process had been humbling for him. Nonsense. Humbling for the rich beggars forced to trek to LeBron’s chambers for their expensive dog-and-pony shows. Oh, the money that was wasted trying to lure LeBron. This experience was not humbling. It puffed him up like a popcorn kernel waiting to explode.
- Implausible “I made the decision when I woke up this morning” storyline. This was a blatant, manufactured story in an attempt to justify the suspenseful dog-and-pony show. No one believes it, LeBron. You played everyone. The Three Musketeers knew this decision all along. You were just satisfying your ego and playing out your plan to build brand dominance.
- The phony baloney backdrop at the Boys and Girls Club. There was nothing charitable about it. You should have held your hostage release at the University of Phoenix or Vitamin Water headquarters. Your clients were front and center. And yes, we noticed the Vitamin Water bottle beside you, label turned toward the camera, along with the vending machine strategically placed between you and Jim Gray. But funny thing – you never mentioned your OWN kids. Although asked repeatedly who factored into your decision, you never once mentioned your children or the girlfriend who’s raising your mini-me’s.
- Using his mom as his accomplice. As a mother, it struck me as a cowardly move to say that your mother’s morning phone call blessing the South Beach destination sealed the deal. Take it like a man, LeBron. It was your decision, not hers. And why bring God into it? You’ve never mentioned the man upstairs before. Nice publicity for God, but it came across as out of character to the people who know you.
- Speaking of himself in the third person. How arrogant to refer to himself as “LeBron James” and wanting to make “LeBron James” happy. Who does that, other than a narcissist? A simple “I” is how levelheaded people refer to themselves.
- Being disrespectful of the Cavaliers. How cowardly that he didn’t call his team’s owner and give him two minutes of his time before he was dropped on live TV. That’s disrespectful, selfish, and speaks volumes about character.
We won’t even get into how cruel you were to your hometown fans, LeBron, because plenty has been written about this act of cruelty.
We learn who people really are by how they communicate in stressful situations. We reveal our core, instead of our cleaned up versions. At least Dan Gilbert gave us a window into his passionate heart. LeBron’s hometown, along with the world, witnessed the athlete’s narcissist communication. In his attempt to build global dominance, LeBron blew an opportunity to communicate sincerely and from the heart. His theatrics all came from the head. And a very inflated one at that.
Tags: body language, Cleveland Cavaliers, communication, Communication Skills, ESPN, Executive Presence, LeBron James, Miami Heat, Narcissistic
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence | 4 Comments »
Thursday, July 8th, 2010 by Connie Dieken
We are all witnesses, indeed.
We’re all sick of witnessing the LeBron-aThon. Many of you are upset at the athlete, thinking his “The Decision” announcement show on ESPN is the height of inflated egomania.
But let’s turn to LeBron’s communication strategy. He’s opened a “last-minute” Twitter account this week, re-launched his website, and is taking his announcement to live TV worldwide. Yes, it’s narcissistic. But it’s also a sound approach for a man who’s building a GLOBAL brand. This is opportunity communication, as opposed to crisis communication. It’s Tiger Woods in reverse. LeBron’s suspense-building tactic is cutting through the worldwide media clutter and claiming his space at the top of the mountain. LeBron is owning his message instead of letting others control it.
Operation “Billionaire Communicator” has begun. From puff of chalk to puffed-up ego.
At last, LeBron’s desire for global dominance is visibly in full swing with his newly-launched communication approach. The millionaire-to-millionaire dog and pony show presentation pitches have come and gone. But if you think the media coverage of the courtship has been maddening, imaging the frenzy after the decision is announced tonight. You could fill an hour-long show about it.
Whoops. LeBron’s a step ahead of us.
He already knows the media will be clamoring for the reasoning behind his decision and the impact it will have on the hostage cities involved, so LeBron is managing the situation by being live on the global leader in sports, ESPN. With the Boys and Girls Club as his beneficiary backdrop, to boot. It’s opportunity communication when you know you’re going to break four cities’ hearts but you want time to explain yourself beyond a sound bite. Basketball fans in the losing cities will disgustedly change the channel as soon as he drops them like a hot potato. But the rest of the GLOBE will be watching.
And that, I suspect, is the heart of the LeBron James Operation Billionaire Communicator plan. Global dominance.
Tags: communication, LeBron James
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Leadership, Media Skills, Presentation Skills | No Comments »
Tuesday, June 29th, 2010 by Connie Dieken
You might be surprised at how many executives say they lack confidence in front of audiences and want to gain the skill.
Here’s a nerve-wracking experience that I keep in mind as I coach high-powered leaders who want to improve their presentation skills. It starts in my rear view mirror, back when I was sixteen years old. My high school business teacher entered me in the Future Business Leaders of America speech contest. First of all, you should know that I had never given a speech before. Secondly, I was raised in a humble family in a tiny Indiana farm town, so I had no clue what topic to choose for a business speech. I certainly didn’t have any compelling business nuggets that would rock Wall Street to its core.
As the deadline to select my topic approached, and with no sudden emergence of business acuity, I chose a simple, safe speech title: “Confidence is the Key.” Yes, I know – my topic choice was part lame, part prophetic.
When the day of the speech arrived, I stood before the audience in my self-styled seersucker suit with a homemade poster as my visual. The poster was canary yellow, featuring a giant black key that I’d cut out of construction paper and carefully glued next to my emphatic magic marker title. You get the level of sophistication. Unlike a James Bond Martini, I was shaken and stirred as I dug deep and delivered my heart-felt message. I’ll get to the outcome of the contest in a moment – it’s pertinent, I promise.
Luckily, my grasp of presentation skills has evolved a bit since high school, so here are a few secrets to help you become a remarkably confident communicator, despite your nerves:
- Forget the underwear. The solution to overcoming nerves is not to picture the audience in their underwear – that’s a tired old tale. Instead, the smart solution is to shift your focus to serving the audience. Make this your new presentation mantra: the purpose of my presentation is the people. The people. It’s not about creating killer slides. Not about seeing how much information you can cram in. Not about whether your mouth is dry or you’re sweating through your jacket. Your mission is to create a positive experience that will influence people to act. Shift your focus to serving the audience and an amazing transformation will happen.
- Confidence is situational. If you think self-confidence and self-esteem are interchangeable words, hit the reset button. Confidence is the expectation of a positive outcome in a specific situation. It’s very different from self-esteem and your underlying sense of worth. The key to a confident presentation is to prepare for the specific situation. Smart preparation will help you wrestle your nerves to the ground. Expect a positive outcome in this one specific situation, prepare for it with a sound strategy, and you’ll achieve it. Every time.
- Lacking confidence is selfish. You read that right. It sounds harsh, so let me explain. If you lack confidence in a presentation it means that you’re focusing your attention squarely on yourself. Everyone gets butterflies before presenting. I know I still do. But butterflies are actually a good sign because it means that you’re taking the presentation seriously. You have a choice: you can let the butterflies undermine the situation by focusing on your own feelings — or you can use them as an edge to redirect your focus and take your audience to a higher level.
- Forget perfection – think excellence. Please understand that this is a huge statement coming from a recovering perfectionist. When you stop worrying about being flawless, people will start relating to you. Aim for excellence instead of absolute perfection. Truth be told, people see right through the illusion of perfection anyway and value genuine, relatable human beings, warts and all. Spewing endless, perfect factoids with a flawless style leaves people cold and that’s a confidence killer.
- Don’t slip into “presentation mode.” Do you morph into a faux-heavyweight version of yourself when you present? Stay centered. You’re good enough. If there’s a glitch, stay light and handle it graciously or humorously. Turn mistakes into advantages. You’ll light a fire by aiming for people’s hearts, not their heads. Take the pressure off of yourself and see how much better people respond to you. Isn’t that the point of business communication – getting a positive response?
Since you’ve stuck around this long, I’ll share how my high school business speech contest ended. The sixteen year old mini-me surprised myself by winning the state and regional contests with my “Confidence is the Key” presentation. I then packed up my poster board and boarded my first-ever airplane to the national finals where I became the top loser in America. In other words, I was first runner-up nationwide. The judges chose an experienced eighteen year with big city business ideas as the top Future Business Leaders of America speech winner.
Rightfully so. The winning speech was content-rich and well-delivered. I learned that content and delivery are equally important to your success and I’m passionate about sharing the secrets to reaching this presentation nirvana with executives today.
Clearly, confidence is a key to business success. But I don’t recommend a goofy poster board.
Tags: communication, Communication Skills, Confidence, Connie Dieken, Excellence, Perfection, Presentation Skills, Presentations, Self-Esteem, Speech
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Leadership, Presentation Skills | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, April 27th, 2010 by Connie Dieken
Goldman Sachs executives were skewered on Capitol Hill this week. They were sach-ed. The men faced blistering cross examination by the Senate on the firm’s mortgage market and its role in the country’s financial collapse.
During their time on the hot seat, the current and former leaders, along with the prolific e-mail braggart known as “Fabulous Fab,” were lambasted with biting questions and criticism from outraged lawmakers. Unrepentant, resistant, and uneasy, the executives denied responsibility as lawmakers ripped into them.
Can you imagine handling that kind of fiery criticism? Many businessmen and women are fearful of being blasted in the workplace following presentations or even in team meetings.
As I’ve coached high-powered executives for the past decade, I’ve heard a recurring theme: the fear of criticism. It’s the fear that you’ll be judged harshly or won’t measure up to expectations. This fear is growing because we’re living in a world that encourages cheap shots. Snarky people abound on the Internet and otherwise, unleashing their inner Simon Cowell, judging others severely.
Here’s the problem: fear of criticism is like kryptonite to executives. It has a crippling effect, draining your power and influence. It can cause you to hold back instead of contributing. It may lead you to be defensive when well-meaning people offer constructive feedback. Or it may cause you to play it too safe and offer a vanilla version of what could have been a much more compelling contribution.
Even the most capable leaders can be crippled by a secret fear of criticism. Here are a few tips to help you overcome it:
- Resist the temptation to be defensive. Do you often jump in and cut off criticism with a knee-jerk defensive reaction? If so, you may unwittingly escalate the situation. Cutting off tough critics often causes them to grow more determined. As a result, they may zap you even harder next time. Defensiveness and evasiveness can also turn off well-meaning allies.
- Keep the criticizer’s intent in mind. Bosses, co-workers and others in your life may offer feedback because they want to help you. Their constructive feedback may be intended to help you improve your performance, not as a cheap shot or a grandstanding opportunity. Consider their true intent. Maybe they’re sharing wisdom from their own lessons learned. Is it possible you’re overly sensitive to criticism?
- Ride the wave. One of the best approaches to handling criticism is to listen carefully and let the person finish completely. Resist the temptation to deflect point-by-point. By hearing their full point of view, you stand the best chance to uncover the real issue and correct what may need to be fixed.
- Conquer your inner critic. Often, the critical voice in your head is carrying too much weight. It can be far worse than anyone else’s potshot. Give it a rest. Starting today, create a positive daily dialogue to overrule your habit of critical self-talk.
- Don’t be an avoider. There’s an old saying, “To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.” Clearly avoidance isn’t the answer. Turn it around. Face it. Get the confrontation over with instead of dreading it all day. Often, reality isn’t nearly as bad as the situation you imagined and avoided.
Some people trace their fear of criticism back to childhood, when they experienced excessive criticism that’s gotten stuck in their head like a broken record. Others have received tongue-lashings from hypercritical bosses and had their confidence crushed.
Whatever its source, learning to conquer criticism gracefully is a sign of maturity and leadership.
Tags: communication, Communication Skills, Connie Dieken, Criticism, Fabulous Fab, Fear of criticism, Goldman Sachs, Influence, Leadership, Senate, Simon Cowell
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Leadership, Presentation Skills | 2 Comments »
Wednesday, February 24th, 2010 by Connie Dieken
The world’s most famous athlete and a two-time presidential contender both torpedoed their careers with their self-destructive narcissism. Tiger Woods referred to his ego- maniacal state as a “sense of entitlement” in his televised mea culpa. John Edwards outed himself as a narcissist in an ABC interview after he was caught cheating on his cancer-stricken wife.
Perhaps there’s someone in your world who’s narcissistic. You may find it challenging to communicate with a person who’s grown accustomed to being puffed up by praise and attention. Surrounded by deferential people – their power walls adorned with plaques – they’ve become bloated versions of themselves. How do you get your message across to a person with an inflated ego?
Let’s back up for a moment. You may not have put a label on their behavior, but here are a few clues to help you identify the egomaniac in your life. You can often peg a narcissist by their:
- grandiose sense of self-importance
- self-absorption
- sense of entitlement
- impulsiveness
- craving for excessive admiration
- preoccupation with power
- lack of empathy
- judgmental, critical nature
- belief that rules don’t apply to them
- intolerance to setbacks or slights
- explosive anger when frustrated
Know anyone like that? Let’s set aside their vanity (and their sexual vitality in the case of our two high-profile narcissists) and focus on their behavior towards YOU when they get frustrated. Ever been the target of a narcissist’s anger or condemnation? Their once-charming personality morphs into melt-down mode. They lob verbal grenades at you and howl at the moon. It’s painful to be on the receiving end of their demanding, demeaning behavior.
Here are 5 quick tips to help you communicate more effectively with a narcissist:
- Give them options. Beneath their bluster, narcissistic people fear being left out of the loop. They crave control. It’s far better to offer them options to choose from, rather than feeding them ready-made decisions. They’ll tear other people’s decisions to shreds. Giving them options helps them feel respected and in control. It also prevents nasty hissy fits.
- Focus on solutions, not problems. When you explain a problem or a challenge to a narcissist, direct attention to the solution. Don’t allow them to dissect the problem over and over again. Narcissists love drama and revel in the chaos. They’re easily agitated when frustrated. Define problems and present possible solutions, so they don’t smell blood in the water and tear you apart.
- Make them the hero. Narcissists are preoccupied with power and truly believe they are special and unique. They live for attention and admiration. Want them to do something? Tell them how great they are at it and watch them perform. Better yet, praise their performance in front of others. Just keep it real, please.
- Let them think it’s their idea. Narcissists often steal the credit for ideas that aren’t theirs. Why do they do that? Strangely, they truly believe that hijacked results are their own. Grabbing credit is a driving force for them. If this gets things done, I say learn to live with it. Over time, everyone will catch on – wink, wink. Meantime, graciously transferring credit for ideas to them makes things happen.
- Manage their emotional blind spot. Egomaniacs lack empathy. They’re so caught up in their own world that it doesn’t occur to them to consider your feelings or viewpoints. It’s a huge blind spot. You must put your own feelings on the table if you choose to do so. Just be smart about sharing feelings with a narcissist. Brace yourself for the guilt trips and disparaging criticism that narcissists often dole out when others explain how they feel.
For those of you stuck in a tough relationship – either professionally or personally – I hope you’ll find these tips helpful and will pass them on to others who need them. I believe the key to communicating successfully with a narcissist is to smartly manage the relationship, not just cope with it.
Tags: Communication Skills, Connie Dieken, Egomaniac, John Edwards, narcissism, Tiger Woods
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Friday, February 19th, 2010 by Connie Dieken
Time is of the essence when you owe someone an apology in the Internet age. As we all know, Tiger Woods certainly didn’t rush to retract. By waiting 80 days to speak publicly, many people are convinced that he’s arrogant and that he doesn’t care.
So how did Tiger do once he finally stepped up to the tee to begin to make amends? Was it a good recovery shot? He handled some parts of the apology well, and others were lacking.
Bottom line: the content was strong; his delivery was weak.
First, why the content was strong:
- He didn’t sidestep. He focused on the hot buttons: he cheated, he alone is to blame, he’s sorry for what he’s done, and he’s taking steps to ensure that it never happens again.
- He focused on the people he’d hurt. He acknowledged that people had good reason to be critical of him. His target audiences for the apology were his wife and immediate family, his business partners and his fans. He was specific on how he’d let them down.
- He delivered a clear takeaway for the TV audience. “I’m so sorry for what I’ve done” came through loud and clear.
- He stated the solution. He shared exactly what he’s doing to try to make things right – that he’s been in rehab for the past 45 days and that he’s returning there to keep working on his issues. He also pointed that he’s returned to his faith after drifting away. He said that he’s working to ensure that he never repeats the mistakes that he’s made.
On the flip side, how did Tiger’s delivery hurt his ability to convince people of his sincerity?
- He appeared to speak from the head, not the heart. He read out loud from a prepared script. Many people are slamming him for this today. I am not among them. Why? Tiger is not a dynamic personality – never has been, and probably never will be. He needed to stick to his comfort zone of being prepared and methodical. It was crafted by a smart speechwriter – ad libbing was a risk that he wasn’t willing to take.
- He should have memorized the open and spoken it directly to the audience. When you’re stiff in your opening, it gives the impression that you’re insincere. He would’ve been better served by frontloading a more heartfelt opening. I do give him credit for facing the camera lens directly when he delivered his “I’m sorry” messages and other issues where he showed true emotion about his wife and family, though he was equally adamant about not being a steroid cheater.
Perhaps the most remarkable statement was his admission of being a self-absorbed narcissist. “I never thought about who I was hurting. I thought only about myself. I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to,” said Tiger.
I believe rehab is teaching Tiger that the grandiose self-importance, sense of entitlement, and impulsiveness of narcissism has caused chaos and pain for everyone around him. Narcissists are so caught up in their own worlds and meeting their own impulsive needs, that the needs of others are simply not on their radar screens. Today’s admission of being self-absorbed, more than anything else he said, is what can change Tiger’s world.
To me, this is the communication lesson: Tiger is a living, breathing example the danger of over-communicating with ourselves, and under-communicating with the others in our lives. It’s critical to connect with others by listening for their needs and values. At the end of his prepared speech, Tiger said he’s now relying on others to help him change and become “a better man.” Good for him. If Tiger can conquer his narcissism, it will be a true story of redemption beyond the golf course. Which gives hope for everyone out there who’s suffered with a narcissist in their life.
Tags: Apology, communication, Elin Nordgren, narcissism, narcissist, Public Statement, Tiger Woods
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Media Skills | 1 Comment »
Monday, February 1st, 2010 by admin
Did you read the headlines? “Jackson Kids Steal the Show!” the news articles proclaimed, calling the appearance of Michael Jackson’s two eldest children the most memorable moment of the 52nd annual Grammy Awards Show.
What does this have to do with communication skills, you ask? Everything. In a room filled with big egos, these two young people nailed the three things that you must do as a 21st century communicator: they got attention, got to the point, and got results – and so can you. These skills are crucial whether you’re presenting your ideas to big egos, big wallets, or big knuckleheads.
This post is not about Michael Jackson’s kids on stage. Believe it or not, it’s about what you can learn from Michael’s approach to presentation skills that can transform and elevate your presentations forever. Turns out, Michael Jackson was not just a performer, he was the ultimate presenter. He was every bit as good or even better than the much-heralded Steve Jobs at presenting ideas that people respond to.
I was struck by what businesspeople can learn by watching the newly released video chronicling Michael’s stage preparations for his planned final shows in London, “This is It.” Here are 3 quick lessons:
1. The best presentations are built around your relationship with the audience
At the end of the film, you’ll see Michael and the crew gather in a large circle on stage. Director Kenny Ortega asks Michael to share a few words. Listen closely – what Michael says is the the stamp of a true presentation genius. He tells the crew that a successful show is not based upon the dance moves, or the special effects, or even on him. It’s a presenter’s relationship with the audience that matters most. Success is attained by the way you make people feel while they’re in your presence. Lesson: don’t get caught up in worrying about yourself or your slides during a presentation. Zero in on your relationship with the audience. Make their experience the king of the show and you’ll earn positive responses.
2. When you elevate others, everyone wins (including you)
Watch how Michael brings out the best in others. He stays gracious and kindhearted as he coaches the musicians, singers, and dancers during the rehearsals. He’s 100% clear on what he wants from others, yet he doesn’t come across as all high and mighty or a taskmaster. As a result, Michael Jackson draws the best possible performance out of everyone around him. Lesson: Stay relaxed, gracious, and humble at your presentations. Don’t let anxiety or pressure get the best of you. The most effective presenters are thoughtful, inspiring leaders who play well in the sandbox.
3. Who’s the one communicator you should listen to most?
Why there were so many hours of rehearsal footage filmed prior to the concert run? Michael Jackson studied the “dailies.” He knew that he was in the connecting business, so he wanted to see how his “presentations” would come across to audiences from the stage, even before the seats were filled. Chances are you hate to see yourself on tape. Heck, I avoided watching tapes of myself during many years in the broadcast TV business. But, ironically, as an executive coach I finally discovered the true power of videotaped assessments – they allow you to see the real you. As Michael Jackson clearly understood, there’s one communicator that you should listen to as much as possible – and that’s you. Study videotapes to hone your presentation’s content, your true voice, and your executive presence and you’ll earn a positive response from every audience.
Tags: Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Grammy Awards, Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson's Kids, Paris Jackson, Presentation Skills, Prince Jackson, This Is It
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Sunday, January 17th, 2010 by admin
Kraft Chairman and CEO Irene Rosenfeld is scrambling to persuade shareholders that her company’s $17 billion bid to buy British candymaker Cadbury is good for both companies. Her pursuit has drawn poor reactions from both Cadbury’s shareh
olders and Kraft’s biggest shareholder, Warren Buffett.
I’ll tie this career-defining move to the CEO’s habitual Tilt-A-Whirl head movements (see the photo on the right from a different event) in a moment. First, let’s get your head straight on the essentials.
Rosenfeld is seeking to transform the world’s No. 2 food company into an even bigger global juggernaut – but some feel she hasn’t hit the sweet spot with this takeover attempt.
After Cadbury complained that her price was too low, she told investors that she planned to issue new stock to help pay for the purchase. Buffett, America’s most influential investor, responded with a public smackdown; a press release warning her not to sell stock or increase her price lest it destroy value for Kraft’s shareholders. Don’t spend too much, he urged, as he tried to rein her in. She has until January 19 to make her final offer. Kraft shareholders will vote February 1 on whether to issue more stock. Cadbury stockholders will vote on February 2.
Now, in an effort to convince shareholders and save the deal, the 56-year old CEO is trying to placate both groups. Kraft has posted a video on its corporate website of Rosenfeld being interviewed by a British woman.
Her message in this video is influential but unfortunately, a distracting body language habit trumps the brilliant woman’s point of view. It’s a case of the eyes trump the ears. People must buy into the messenger before they buy into the message. Rosenfeld comes across as a human Tilt-A-Whirl, constantly tilting her head from side-to-side as she speaks. Left-right-left-right-left-right. In addition, in an apparent attempt to appear warm and likable, the CEO plasters on a smile throughout the interview, even when it’s not warranted.
Here are two quick presentation/media coaching tips to help you prevent undermining your executive presence with nervous body signals:
- Avoid tilting your head. It looks coy and cute. It’s not a powerful professional move unless you happen to work on the Las Vegas Strip. If that’s not your line of business, keep your head on straight.
- Plastered-on smiles don’t cut it. Yes, you’ve heard many times that you should smile, and in most cases you should. But here’s the real truth about smiling: If your smile doesn’t come across as genuine, it can backfire on you. Make sure your smile is heartfelt.
People monitor you for the signals you send. Project a balance of likability and credibility to hit the sweet spot. Don’t let nervous energy undermine your credibility. To learn more about how your energy level is tied to your ability to influence others, read chapter 12 of my book, Talk Less, Say More.
Tags: body language, Cadbury, CEO, Communication Skills, Connie Dieken, Executive Presence, Irene Rosenfeld, Kraft, Media Skills, Presentation Skills, tips, Warren Buffett
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Leadership, Media Skills, Presentation Skills | 2 Comments »
Tuesday, January 5th, 2010 by admin
Top 10 Communi-lutions to Improve How People Respond to You In Our Distraction-Driven Decade
Most of us resolve to shed extra pounds, get out of debt, or be more organized as we strive to reinvent ourselves in the New Year. But as the odometer turns over for 2010, what if we focus on a more professionally profound improvement?
Why not resolve to improve how people respond to you? Think of it as your New Year’s “Communi-lutions.” After all, interpersonal communication is radically different in today’s information-overload, distraction-driven decade, so isn’t it time to upgrade your ability to sell your ideas and lead effectively?
Here are my Top 10 Communi-utions to influence your world in the decade ahead:
1.Stop Informing, Start Influencing
The most important communication resolution you can make this year is to transform from being informational to influential. Stop data dumping like a linear play-by-play announcer. Instead, convert into the analyst – the color commentator. Your goal should be to shape people’s understanding and actions, not to dispense information.
2. Stay in Their Moment
Conquer today’s endless distractions by managing your own attention first. Resolve to be right here, right now when speaking with others. Focus on meeting their needs and values, instead of being caught up in your own concerns. Scan for signals and listen for values.
3. Frontload
Don’t bury the lead. People are impatient and overloaded today. Quickly nail your big idea and marry it to what’s most relevant to your listener. People must grasp what’s in it for them – pronto – or they will tune you out. Frontloading your message is the antidote to rambling.
4. Use Goldilocks Candor
As a leader, you must get issues on the table in order to improve performance, so using the right level of candor is crucial. Think of it as a Goldilocks test: Not too hard, not too soft – it’s just right. Goldilocks candor prevents two common missteps: demoralizing and sugarcoating.
5. The Eyes Trump the Ears
Vision – the dominant sense – is a shortcut to clarity. Don’t create confusion with an avalanche of words. Use visuals instead of text whenever possible to help people analyze and understand new information, and integrate it quickly.
6. Talk in Triplets
Three is the world’s most powerful number because our minds crave information in multiples of three. If you want to ensure the clarity of a lengthy or complicated message, tap into the trilogy and use portion control by structuring your message around three key points.
7. Tell Stories
Stories have a longer shelf life than mind-numbing facts because they create mind pictures. Like a good movie, success stories and cautionary tales help others absorb, retain, and repeat your information and ideas.
8. Sound Decisive
Most people are surprised to learn that they don’t sound as decisive as they feel. Weak language and habitual hedging strip you of power. The language of leadership is decisiveness. It’s time to stop wavering and start firming up your communications.
9. Transfer Ownership
Let them own it and they’ll do it. People should feel as if they’re volunteering, not surrendering. A sense of self-discovery is often the difference between gaining commitment or compliance. Shift your ideas and decisions to others so they will embrace them and act.
10. Adjust Your Energy
People constantly monitor you for the signals that you send. Your vocal, facial, and body signals are crucial for a very powerful reason: reciprocity. People give back to you what you give to them. Most of us need an energy boost to balance likability and credibility, which generates commitment and action from others.
_________________________
onPoint Communication founder Connie Dieken transforms leaders into influential communicators. She’s the author of Talk Less, Say More, named a top business book for 2009. A former Emmy Award-winning TV news anchor, Connie is an inductee of the Radio/Television Broadcasters Hall of Fame, winner of a Top 10 Women’s Business Owners Award, and an in-demand keynote speaker. You can reach her at Connie@StayOnPoint.com.
Tags: body language, Candor, communication, Communication Skills, Connie Dieken, Influence, Leadership, New Years Resolutions, Storytelling
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Leadership | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, September 15th, 2009 by admin
There sure are a lot of high profile apologies floating around this week – Kayne West, Serena Williams, Rep. Joe Wilson. Which brings me to you.
Apologizing effectively can bolster your credibility and convince others to change their minds and take action.
Don’t toss around “I’m sorry” like a football on Thanksgiving Day. Some people rush to retract big transgressions merely to protect their backsides, which is perceived as insincere. Others over-apologize for small acts, dripping with contrition, which damages their credibility. Both of these tactics are ineffective. Like antibiotics, apologies become ineffective with misuse.
The trick is to understand the art of the apology and follow the right steps. Here are some tips straight from page 124 of my new book, Talk Less, Say More, to generate goodwill with a contrite but classy apology:
- Don’t sidestep. If an issue embarrasses you, you might instinctively avoid it in an effort to save face. Instead, you’ll look insensitive. A good, honest apology mends relationships and reputations.
- Hit the hot button. Focus specifically on the emotional hot button. If you’re criticized for being irresponsible, for example, apologize for your lack of judgment.
- State the solution. If there’s a remedy to your transgression, share exactly how you’re going to make it right. This will prevent future arrows from being slung at you.
- Focus on the recipient. An apology involves much more than a quick “Oops–sorry!” Make sure the recipient knows that you fully understand the impact of your transgression and that you won’t let it happen again.
- Don’t blame the victim. You’ll sound pompous and insincere. Don’t begin with “If I offended anybody…” That sounds like you’re blaming a resentful person for being overly sensitive to remarks that you feel you obviously didn’t intend as an affront. Instead, take responsibility. Say something like, “I offended you and I’m sorry.“
- Time is of the essence. Apologize as soon as possible. In today’s Internet age, you can’t wait for the Web to spread bad things before you express your contrition, or people will be convinced that you’re guilty and don’t care.
- Don’t inflict wounds. Likes like “No offense, but…” and “Don’t take this personally, but…” are passive-aggressive. You’re saying one thing, but you mean the opposite. What you’re about to say is personal and yes, it’s likely to offend. So instead of qualifying it, be honest and get to the point kindly but decisively.
Let’s face it – we’re all human. Which means that we’re all prone to messing up and hurting someone else’s feelings from time to time, even when we don’t intend to. Hopefully your transgressions won’t be as huge or as public as the ones you’ve witnessed this week on Rude Tube. The key to apologize effectively is to handle it directly, sincerely, and as swiftly as possible.
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Leadership | 3 Comments »
Wednesday, July 29th, 2009 by admin
You’ve been leading a high priority mission for months. You’ve pushed. Prodded. You’ve influenced internally because you believe it’s the most vital issue facing your organization. Your team has invested sweat equity and they’re counting on you to make it happen publicly.
At last, it’s time to present your idea to an audience and influence others to take action. So what happens when you finally stand before your audience and take your swing at bat?
You get hijacked during Q&A.
It happened to the President of the United States on his home turf last week. At the end of his prime time health care news conference, Barack Obama answered a hot button question that was totally off-topic. Instead of asking about health care, a reporter asked the president what he thought of the confrontation between Harvard scholar Henry Louis Gates and Cambridge police officer James Crowley. The president weighed in with his opinion on race relations, ending with the tantalizing words “acted stupidly.”
Bingo! Home run for the reporter! She’d successfully hijacked a presidential press conference. If this was a game of chess, she’d just pulled a capture: removing the opponent’s piece or pawn from the board by taking it with one’s own. The president’s health care headline was toast. Now, the headlines were commandeered to scream of the 3 P’s: the president, the professor and the police.
This is a living, breathing reminder to all of us to be mindful of Q&A so that our message doesn’t become part of an opportunistic takeover – friendly or hostile.
Here are a few tips to help ensure that you don’t hijack your own influence during Q&A:
- Don’t answer too quickly. If the question is off-topic and hot button, don’t allow yourself to be hijacked. Gently but firmly respond that the question is important but it’s off-topic and will be best addressed during a more appropriate occasion. Offer a specific time when you will provide a thoughtful answer. The key is that you shouldn’t appear to be dodging the question. You’re simply deferring it to a more appropriate time and place.
- Keep your answer brief. The more you talk, the more likely you are to get caught up in your underwear and say something you’ll regret. Long answers often lead to an unfortunate choice of words (think “acted stupidly”) that can bite you in the backside. Talk less, but say more.
- Bridge back to your key points. The purpose of your presentation is to influence your audience and drive them to action. Never forget that. Use the audience’s questions to reinforce your key points, not to steer the boat in a completely different direction.
- Don’t let Q&A be the final word. Always have two closings. 1) The one that ends your prepared remarks before Q&A, and 2) the one that wraps everything up after Q&A. End with power and a strength of conviction that your message is high priority and actionable.
- Plan for hot topic tie-ins. You shouldn’t be surprised in today’s “anything goes” society. Think current events. What’s on people’s minds? Prepare, prepare, prepare.
As a communication coach, I guide senior executives in their high-profile presentations. As the day of their presentation draws near, I shift our focus from delivery of their key messages to preparation for high stakes Q&A. I ask every relevant question that I believe their audience might ask to ensure that the executive is influential in driving the ball forward, not backwards. Then, I slip on my broadcaster’s cap and link their topic to other hot-button topics. This is an eye-opening exercise for executives who tell me it has saved them from embarrassment, being at a loss for words, saying something they’d later regret, and a loss of leadership influence. It boosts their confidence to handle anything that comes their way.
My inner Girl Scout constantly whispers the motto “Be prepared” in my ear. Never has that been more essential than in today’s loosey-goosey world of Q&A.
Tags: Barack Obama, Cambridge police, Communication Skills, Confidence, Henry Louis Gates, Influence, James Crowley, Leadership, Presentation Skills, Press Conference, Q&A, Race Relations, Say More, Talk Less
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Leadership, Media Skills, Presentation Skills | 1 Comment »
Saturday, June 27th, 2009 by admin
You heard about the married politician caught trysting with his girlfriend in Argentina. On the day he was caught returning from his fun in the sun, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford held a hasty, free association press conference at the statehouse to drop the bomb.
Three words for you, Governor Sanford: Less is more.
His rambling admission of guilt was devastatingly wordy and bizarre. He dithered on about his love of hiking. He blathered about “sparking” with his “dear, dear friend” in Buenos Aires. At last, he meandered into a confession. After finally admitting to philandering, the governor presented his priorities wrong. He tearfully apologized for hurting his girlfriend before he expressed regret that his shameful behavior had damaged his wife and sons, and that he’d done the citizens of South Carolina wrong during his six-day disappearing act.
The governor showed us how not to meet the press.
As a leader, Sanford’s wordy discourse was far too long and misdirected. He needed to talk less and say more.
I hope you’ll never experience a moment of truth quite like this one in your career. However, as a leader you will be called upon to influence the thoughts and actions of others. Here are a few tips to help you influence intentionally:
- Don’t confuse talking with influencing. Most leaders think influence means showing up and giving a speech. They want to look good, sound intelligent, and come across as well as possible. However, the real goal of influence is to move people to commit to action. That means touching hearts and minds, not merely talking your way out of (or into) something.
- Don’t shoot for a quick fix. It’s not the short game that matters – it’s the long game. The Governor will learn this over the coming months as he’s judged by his constituents, citizens and family. A hastily arranged press conference (or meeting) solves nothing. When attendees are caught off guard, they can’t fully process the information you dump on them, which means that you’ve merely delayed the final outcome.
- Move people in the direction you desire. Communicate with purpose. Not just because you believe that a communication of some sorts is called for. The Governor was too quick on the trigger to address the media. His goal should have been to get the story out of the news, not to get tongues wagging and create even more drama.
- Cut the distractions. Did you see the young faces behind the governor as he spoke? They were smiling broadly as he choked up. How weird. Be aware of your surroundings during leadership communications – or make sure that someone else is watching out for you.
- Keep it brief and simple. The key to communication in the 21st century is brevity. Attention spans are collapsing. Demands on time are increasing. Master the complex business of simplicity. If you blather on, you risk losing people’s attention…and their respect.
Sanford’s Wall Street wife was far more succinct. Her statements to the press have been pithy, if a bit understandably passive-aggressive. So far, she’s winning the oh-so-polite war of words for public support.
Leadership communication is about aligning people to influence their thoughts and actions. I encourage you to be purposeful about communicating with influence. Take time to distill your message instead of being long-winded. In today’s world, saying less is truly more.
Tags: communication, Governor, Influence, Leadership, Mark Sanford, Press Conference, Rambling, South Carolina
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Leadership, Media Skills | 2 Comments »
Wednesday, May 27th, 2009 by admin
Nearly 10 million people tuned in for a record-shattering season premiere of Jon & Kate Plus 8 this week. I’ll tie this to you in the workplace in a moment — I promise there’s a business communication connection. The tension was palpable as the bickering couple, caught up in the cheating chatter, came together for their sextuplets’ fifth birthday party.
We’re talking frozen tundra frosty. Ultra-chilly. These two were so cold, the cameras needed de-icing.
Jon and Kate scooched as far apart on the couch as possible, closed off to each other, sending undeniable signals that they’re miserable and their relationship is on the rocks.
Despite trying to play nice for the cameras, their body language revealed that they’re merely doing what they have to do to earn a paycheck. “Kate and I are going through some stuff,” said a glum-looking Jon. You think?
That’s where YOU come in. Are you going through some stuff in the workplace? Is there someone who gets under your skin and, despite your best intentions to hide your true feelings, your irritation or loathing is showing more than you want it to?
Your body talk sends messages that people decode. They size you up in seconds and draw conclusions about whether you’re credible, likable, or trustworthy. Despite the words you choose, people are first influenced by “hearing” your body language. Before they’ll believe your words, they must first buy into your body talk.
Here are a few body language tips from my upcoming Talk Less, Say More book to help you come across at your best:
- Fight the urge to close yourself off. Your instinct is to move away from a person whom you secretly despise. Fight it. It won’t be a secret if you point your body in the opposite direction. Remind yourself to unlock your arms, look at them with as much warmth as you can muster, and conquer your desire to ice, ice baby.
- Avoid Code Red. Discover what specific situations or people trigger an elevated state of anxiety or anger and learn to manage your behavior during these situations. You can’t control the other person’s actions, so focus on managing your own. Don’t damage your career by being the person who’s known for giving someone else the cold shoulder or for crumbling under pressure. Don’t just cope with the situation. Own it.
- Keep it real. Gestures and movements are most effective when they’re a natural extension of the feelings you’re trying to express. But they will undercut your message it if they come across as forced, fake or harsh. Match your movements to the intensity you want to project and they’ll work to your advantage.
- Conquer your mannerisms. Unlike gestures that you do intentionally, mannerisms are the unconscious movements that you make, often in anxious situations – like touching your nose, twirling your hair or scratching your neck. Ask someone you trust to reveal your habitual mannerisms so you can be aware of them and control them when you’re dealing with difficult people.
- Don’t stifle positive gestures. Some people mistakenly believe they talk with their hands too much. That’s rare. If your arm movements distract from your words, then yes, they can be too much. But most gestures are heartfelt and congruent with your words so therefore, they help to improve your energy level. (Just don’t gesture with a one-finger salute, of course!)
We can’t love everyone we work with, so uncomfortable situations are bound to happen to you, either with co-workers or clients. Hopefully, there won’t be TV cameras recording your every move for ten million people to judge. But in this age of Twitter, cell phones that videotape, and YouTube, you never know who’ll be tuned in next….
Tags: body language, Communication Skills, Executive Presence, gestures, Jon & Kate, mannerisms, Twitter, YouTube
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Media Skills, Presentation Skills | No Comments »
Wednesday, April 29th, 2009 by admin
The difference between winning and losing may come down to how people perceive the sound of your voice.
As a broadcaster, I spent many years in recording studios. I was astounded to learn there was a major difference between how my voice sounded inside my head…and the way it sounded when the engineer played back the recording. I didn’t come across nearly as energetic or upbeat as my voice sounded in my head. Instead, I sounded flat and bored. I had to learn to boost my energy level to compensate.
The same is likely true of your voice. You may be coming across as bored, disinterested, stiff or icy – even when you don’t intend to. Why is this critical? Because it has a direct impact on how others respond to you and your leadership.
Let’s take your outgoing voice mail message as a quick barometer. Ever listen to it? Most of us think the recording is distorted and doesn’t sound like us. We assume we sound much better in real life.
Sadly, we’re dead wrong.
Today’s digital doesn’t lie. The recording is far more accurate than the voice you hear inside your head. That’s because you have a distorted perception of how you sound. Why? Your head acts as an echo chamber. Your bones reverberate when you talk, so your voice sounds bigger, louder and more energetic inside your head than it does when it mixes with oxygen and others hear it.
Worried that you aren’t coming across well? Here are a few tips to help you stop repelling and start attracting with your voice:
- Use vocal variety. Don’t hypnotize or lull people to sleep by speaking in the same continuous tone. Sameness is the death of any speaker. Switch it up. Use all the range in your voice – highs, lows, and mid-tones.
- Shift the speed. Speed is another energy indicator. A constant rhythm is a sedative to the ears. Don’t drone on at the same pace. Shift between faster and slower speeds.
- Use shorter sentences. Some people sound boring because every sentence they speak is long. Toss in shorter sentences as often as you can. You’ll be amazed at how this breaks the monotony and makes people sit up and take notice.
- Use the “Power Pause.” After you make an important point, let it breathe. Don’t rush to fill the silence. People are intrigued by momentary silence, so throw in what I call the “Power Pause” when you need to command attention. Let a point sink in and you’ll gain power.
- Thin is not in. Your voice is shaped by breath support. Breathing too shallowly and speaking from the throat creates a thin, weak voice. Instead, breathe deeply from your diaphragm. Go to the gut. It can make your voice sound richer, more powerful, and a full register lower.
- Check your intensity. Sometimes you need to tone it down and not come on too strong – especially if you’re delivering bad or unwelcome news. Match your energy level to the specific situation.
Energy boosts likability, which is a key ingredient to generate commitment from others. Likability forms the framework for the rest of the signals people gather about you and the ideas that you communicate.
So improve your voice – and you’ll improve your ability to influence and make things happen.
Tags: Communication Skills, Energy Level, Leadership, presence, voice
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Leadership, Presentation Skills | 3 Comments »
Thursday, March 19th, 2009 by admin
You’re a smart person. The axe is falling on leaders everywhere and you want to come across as valuable and indispensable, right? Here’s a quick cautionary tale to bullet-proof your credibility, straight from your TV.
Time for a how-not-to-do-it lesson from Jim Cramer, the host of CNBC’s Mad Money.
Did you see Cramer get smacked down by Jon Stewart on The Daily Show this month? The normally effusive Cramer transformed into a whipping boy, seriously undermining his credibility. After the smoke cleared, Cramer blamed his wimpy performance on his upbringing, saying he was raised “to take the high road.”
Jim, Jim, Jim. Think again. You allowed yourself to be mugged.
In today’s world, taking “the high road” means protecting your credibility (your brand) as well as that of your organization in a smart, thoughtful manner. A successful appearance either: A) enhances the brand, or B) protects the brand. If your integrity is being attacked, you must protect yourself or risk being roadkill. Let’s review where Cramer went wrong so you can avoid the same fate, whether you’re meeting the media or taking Q&A at a meeting:
Cramer agreed to a TV interview clearly billed as a “confrontation.” A duel. In that context, Stewart’s performance was dead-on. Cramer’s was dead-on-arrival.
A smackdown scenario could happen to you with an adversary, known or otherwise, in today’s one-up, know-it-all world. Here are two things you should not do:
- Don’t underestimate your opponent. Cramer pegged Jon Stewart as a late night comedian. A panty-weight opponent. Wrong. Jon Stewart is an ultra-smart, uber-influential man with a forum to express his viewpoints, for which he’s very passionate. Advice: Know thine enemy. Better to overestimate their savvy than underestimate it.
- Don’t think you can just “wing it.” For a prognosticator, Cramer was spectacularly short-sighted. Lack of preparation against an opponent is a death wish in today’s connected world. Cramer didn’t do his homework – he had no key messages. Thus, he had no influence. Stewart was locked and loaded: Cramer was shell-shocked. Advice: Be prepared to defend your point of view – deeply, clearly and influentially. Don’t allow yourself to be blind-sided and thrown off your game.
Wasn’t it amazing how Cramer groveled and went down in flames? The same thing could happen to you if you’re not prepared. Plenty of leaders are getting skewered – and damaged – by today’s empowered, informed audiences.
Bottom line – when profitability is on the line, you cannot “wing it” anymore. The best-prepared leader wins.
Take this to the bank: Poor preparation leads to poor outcomes, especially in a tough economic climate. Don’t become a casualty.
As a communication coach for leaders, I should send Jim Cramer a thank you card for painfully demonstrating my point.
Tags: Communication Skills, Jim Cramer, Jon Stewart, Leadership, Mad Money, Media Skills, Presentation Skills, The Daily Show, The Today Show
Posted in Communication Skills, E-Mail, Executive Presence, Leadership, Media Skills, Presentation Skills | No Comments »
Tuesday, January 27th, 2009 by admin
We’re living in a harsh, harsh world. I’m sure you’ve noticed that you can now get a daily dose of cheap shots here on the Internet. Follow the comment section after most web entries and you’ll find boatloads of hyper-critical, snarky comments. Turn on your TV and there it is again – the Simon Cowell effect – people openly judging and grading others harshly. Ouch.
As I’ve coached high-powered clients recently, I’ve been struck by a recurring, performance-draining concern that leaders share with me (and one I’ve faced, too) that craters confidence: fear of criticism. The fear that you won’t measure up to expectations and will be judged severely as a result.
Fear of criticism is like kryptonite to a leader.
It’s a powerful deterrent that drains your confidence and power. Sometimes your biggest critic is your own inner voice. Sometimes it’s others’ ruthless opinions. Either way, it leads to one of three depleting communication styles:
- Holding back instead of contributing, in order to avoid having your ideas criticized
- Being overly-defensive when well-meaning people offer useful suggestions, or
- Playing it too safe by communicating a boring, vanilla version of your ideas instead of aiming for outstanding.
Most leaders tell me their fear of criticism pre-dates the Internet. Some trace it back to childhood, when they experienced excessive criticism that stuck in their heads like a broken record. Others say they witnessed tongue-lashings in the workplace and fear receiving the same fate, which causes them to lack confidence and reduce risks.
As an executive communication coach, I’ve learned there’s no connection between competence and confidence. Even the most capable leaders can be crippled by the secret fear of criticism. Here are a few tips to help you overcome it:
- Forget perfection, think excellence. High performers often strive for flawless, which means aiming for the impossible. Think excellence, instead, to get over that self-limiting hurdle. Give yourself permission to be your best at this moment, not the best of all time.
- Switch your focus from internal to external. You don’t want to hear this, but ego is involved. Often, a fear of criticism reveals that you’re too concerned with what others think of you. Turn it around. Manage your thoughts to concentrate on meeting your receiver’s needs, not on how they may be sizing you up.
- Don’t be an avoider. Criticism doesn’t have to actually occur to cause anxiety or injury. Perhaps that critical voice in your head is carrying too much weight. Learn to face your fears. Starting today, create a positive inner daily dialogue to overrule and replace your hypercritical self-talk.
- Keep the criticizer’s goal in mind. Some bosses, clients and others may offer criticism because they want to help you perform at the top of your game. Their feedback may be intended solely to improve your performance, not to take a personal shot. Perhaps they’re sharing the wisdom of lessons learned.
- Resist the temptation to become defensive. Do you jump in and cut off criticism with knee-jerk reactions? If so, you may escalate the situation. Tough critics can grow more determined to zap you again next time. And in these cases, there will be a next time. Stay open-minded.
- Ask for clarification. One of the best aproaches to handle criticism is to listen carefully, let the person finish, and then ask for specific clarifications. That way, you hear their full point of view and stand the best chance to correct what’s may need to be fixed.
Learning to conquer criticism gracefully is a sign of leadership and maturity. It communicates respect – both for yourself and the others who share their viewpoints.
Just don’t fall into the trap of doling out cruel criticisms youself. Shallow criticism without direction is a useless power play.
Tags: Communication Skills, Criticism, Executive Presence, Fear, Leadership
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Leadership, Presentation Skills | 13 Comments »
Sunday, January 18th, 2009 by admin
Out with the old, in with the new. As we say goodbye to George Bush and his colorful, sometimes mangled communications, (can you say misunderestimated?) we usher in a new era of oratory.
We’re shifting to a new Communicator-in-Chief. What do I mean by this? A Communicator-in-Chief is a leader whose messages are so pragmatic, on point, and invigorating that his words spark immediate actions. His/her messages unite, inspire and challenge others to reach their collective highest performance. Communicators-in-Chief make things happen. President Bush was at the top of his game when, with a bullhorn to his lips and a firefighter at his hip, he stood atop the rubble in New York City after 9/11 and rallied our country. Barack Obama promises to be an exceptional Communicator-in-Chief, which I’ll get to in a moment.
First, let’s focus on you. Are you a Communicator-in-Chief? You are if your job depends upon making things happen through others. There are three habits you must master to reach your highest performance:
- You must connect engagingly. It’s essential to engage others straight away in today’s distraction-driven, short attention span world. People tune out quickly today. You’ll attract and earn people’s attention by frontloading your communications with what’s truly relevant and matters most to them.
- You must convey clearly. We’re living in an information-overload society. Tossing too many facts and figures around is like adding empty junk food calories to your diet. Junk words dilute your message and lead to confusion, not clarity. You must make a conscious choice to pare down your words and deliver shorter, more visually stimulating messages if you want people to retain the information you share.
- You must convince specifically. It’s not the talk that matters, it’s the action. It’s critical that you be ultra-specific about the step you want people to take. Now is not the time for assumptions or vagueness. What, precisely, do you want others to do? Make your viewpoint or request utterly actionable because that’s the key to making things happen without delay in our busy world.
Develop these three habits and you’ll set in motion a transformative process to ensure that people listen to you, understand you, and take action. (These are the principles in my forthcoming book, Talk Less, Say More, which will be in bookstores this fall.)
Incoming President-Elect Barack Obama has so far been an extraordinary Communicator-in-Chief which, ironically, his detractors hold against him. His critics call him “Mr. Podium.” They argue that he merely talks a good game. I’m not buying that. While I agree that blowhards are not true leaders, from what I’ve seen, Obama’s no blowhard. His words are based on visions that are implemented to unite and inspire action. Isn’t that the opposite of empty rhetoric? Far from merely talking a good game, if you communicate your visions effectively, action is the endgame.
Top Communicators-in-Chief also choose interactive formats to help others feel invested and make their messages people-powered. In 2009, YouTube is the new fireside chat. LinkedIn is the new press release. Bloggers are the new reporters. Tweeters are the new cheerleaders. Barack Obama’s team wisely used interactive tools to unite and invite voters to the polls. Even better, his incoming administration is promising to remake the stodgy White House website to invite citizens’ feedback.
What about you? Are you using the right tools to communicate your messages in the 21st century … or are you stuck in one-way, old-school memo style? Your messages can trigger immediate feedback in the Age of Input which, if you’re smart, will supplement and improve your decision-making.
My challenge to you is this: develop your skills to inspire, unite, and move others to action. Choose a communication habit to improve (connect, convey, or convince) and write down 3 things you’ll start doing immediately to master the habit. Take these steps, and you’ll be on your way to becoming an exceptional Communicator-in-Chief.
Yes, you can.
Tags: Barack Obama, Communication Skills, Executive Presence, George Bush, Leadership
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Leadership, Presentation Skills | No Comments »
Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008 by admin
As I watched President-Elect Obama’s news conference announcing his national security team nominees this morning, it reminded me of why I sat on a phone book behind the anchor desk.
Let me explain why I boosted my butt on a book first, and then I’ll link it to today’s news conference and your executive presence.
In 20 years of anchoring the news, I was paired with lots of male co-anchors. Some of these guys were a foot taller than me. Television news sets were designed and constructed by men, with the desk height created to comfortably seat and showcase an anchorman’s long torso. If I, at 5 feet, 5 inches, planted my tush squarely on the chair seat beside the man, I would came off looking like his little sister. My head would reach his shoulders. So I decided to even the playing field. I boosted my butt in order to have an equal “seat at the table” in the eyes of viewers.
I didn’t let my diminutive frame diminish my executive presence.
Now let me link this to today’s news conference. Obama spoke first, so the podium microphone was set for his height. Hillary Clinton spoke next. She had enough experience to move the double mic down a few inches so it didn’t hide her face in the press photos. Good move, Hillary.
Then we come to Susan Rice, the United Nations ambassador nominee. When Rice, a brilliant Rhodes Scholar, stepped to the microphone as the final nominee, she sounded smart, but looked silly. The microphone came all the way up to her eyeballs, totally obliterating her face. Now picture the scene in your mind: it was a double microphone. Two black spheres. Each microphone hid an eyeball. As her head bobbed up and down reading her script, the hardware danced from her eyeballs to her forehead. It was almost comical, making it hard to concentrate on a word she said. If I was her coach, I would’ve advised her to adjust the microphone in order to safeguard her dignity and allow people to concentrate on her intellect and her message, not be distracted by the silly scene.
My point: people’s perception of your presence can elevate your leadership, or diminish it. Be conscious of how your physical presence is coming across and take action, whether that means moving microphones or sitting taller. The eyes trump the ears. Help people listen to your message.
Tags: Executive Presence, Leadership, Media Skills, Obama
Posted in Executive Presence, Leadership, Media Skills | 2 Comments »
Sunday, November 23rd, 2008 by admin
When I picked up my 15 year old daughter from an activity this week, I saw her standing there, waiting for me, tapping away at her cell phone. “Who were you texting?” I asked cheerfully as she slid into the car. “No one,” she replied, “I was just faking it.”
Are you nodding your head right now? My teenager clued me in on a growing trend: I’ll call it the chronic communi-faker. Whenever teens feel awkward in public, they whip out their phones and pretend to be engrossed in text messaging.
Now think about this. Haven’t you pretended to make or take a cell phone call in order to avoid speaking face-to-face with someone? Gen Y simply skips the counterfeit conversation…they let their fingers do the faking. And they don’t just communi-fake to avoid talking. They use it as impression management.
In today’s wired world, we all want to appear actively engaged with others, even when we’re not. We want others to think we’re connected, so we don’t feel like lonely losers. Boomers instinctively pull our phones to our ears. Younger generations tap, tap, tap.
I coached three groups of clients in presentation skills this week, so I used the opportunity to poll plenty of professionals about their experiences with communi-faking. EVERYONE, every single person, admitted to being a communi-faker. Even CEOs. Let’s see if you relate to the 5 most common reasons why people told me they communi-fake:
- “To avoid talking to someone I don’t want to speak with.”
- “So I don’t feel self-conscious about being alone.”
- “To ditch a pushy salesman or a boring conversation.”
- “I’m addicted to my phone – I feel naked if I’m not using it.”
- “For protection in a parking lot.”
Using a phone as a parking lot protector seems sensible, as long as you stay aware of what’s happening around you. But don’t the other reasons strike you as dodging or ditching face-to-face conversations, or of being insecure?
Bottom line: communi-faking shows we have a primal need to connect with others, which I take as a positive sign. Score one for the human race. But face-to-face communication skills are plummeting as we avoid true engagement. Ironically, as we fake-connect, we’re disconnecting by tuning others out.
Plus, there’s always this concern with communi-faking: what if your phone rings when you’re on a faux call?
Tags: cell phones, Communication Skills, Connect, text messaging
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, November 5th, 2008 by admin
Like you, I’ve paid close attention to Barack Obama. As a communication coach, I’ve specifically zeroed in on his ability to get his points across and move people to action.
From a communication perspective, Obama won the race because he successfully applied 3 habits. They’re simple, but profound habits: He connected. He conveyed. He convinced.
These habits are a playbook for business leaders around the world. I could write a book on them. Matter of fact, I have. Talk Less, Say More is scheduled to be released in 2009. Let me summarize these habits quickly by highlighting just a few ways that Obama applied them successfully:
Habit #1: Connect. One of the biggest issues facing any leader today is to engage people in our distraction-driven, listening-impaired, short attention span world. Barack Obama’s campaign connected with what Americans wanted and valued most. He stayed in our moment and tapped into our hot-button issue, the economy. And he delivered it with what I call your PMOC: your Preferred Method of Communication. Early on, his team went digital, using 21st century methods to a wildly successful advantage. For example, Obama’s team text-messaged better than any teenager I’ve ever seen. (And I’m raising two of the most prolific texters in America.) He also engaged us by bringing us together, habitually stressing the United States, not merely red and blue states.
Habit #2: Convey. It’s a real challenge to cut through today’s information overload. Getting your point across requires clarity in order to prevent confusion. Obama learned to make his points with vivid clarity, avoiding ambiguity. Maybe you don’t agree with his viewpoints, but he conveys them transparently, without gumming them up. Storytelling is a key, and Obama’s story was one of humble origins. His campaign was full of stirring videos and his infomercial, watched by more than 32 million people last week, weaved a “my story is your story” narrative to convey that he understands your economic fears and other concerns like health care.
Habit #3: Convince. People are pulled in so many directions today, both in the office and in the voting booth, that it’s a challenge to sway them. As a leader, it’s critical to move people to commit to action. Decisiveness is one of the keys. And Obama is a master decision maker. He allows others to speak their minds, and then he makes the decision. No second-guessing. No waffling. He sticks with his decisions, which sways others to join him. I believe the debates put Obama over the top by demonstrating his decisiveness and calm demeanor. He also capitalized on what I call “peer power.” He gained clout by bringing well-connected people like Oprah Winfrey, Ted Kennedy, Warren Buffett, and Colin Powell into his corner and allowing them to transfer their clout to him.
John McCain used these 3 habits in his concession speech last night, as well. Didn’t you think it was one of the most touching, unifying speeches in political history?
Can you use these habits in the business world? Yes, you can. You can Connect-Convey-Convince® your way to success.
Tags: Barack Obama, Communication Skills, Connect, Convey, Convince, Leadership
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Leadership, Media Skills, Presentation Skills | 1 Comment »
Saturday, September 27th, 2008 by admin
How do you undercut your message without opening your mouth? Leadership means managing your energy level as well as your words in order to influence peoples’ decisions, behaviors and actions. Want to trigger a positive response? Radiate positive energy when your mouth is shut. Want a negative reaction? You’ll soon learn how to spread bad vibes.
Let’s review how this worked in recent high profile cases. Were you influenced by watching the candidates’ personal warmth in round one of the presidential debates? Sure you were. Same with the economic turmoil. You’ve either been inspired or turned off by leaders’ energy levels and body language.
Just for fun, let’s go negative for a moment, shall we? Here are 5 surefire ways to trigger a negative response without opening your mouth:
- Ignore others in the room. Go ahead – ice others in an effort to diminish them. Granted, sometimes it’s inadvertent. You may just be nervous, so you fail to acknowledge others. But sometimes, the deep freeze is purposeful. You may avoid eye contact in an effort to dismiss people you feel superior to. Whatever the intent, icing people backfires. You’re the one who takes the hit, because you unwittingly come across as condescending or angry. Best to respectfully acknowledge and address the people with whom you disagree.
- Look like you don’t care. People form opinions about you with a quick glance at your face. They eyeball your mug, interpret its meaning and respond accordingly. You may be sending the wrong signal with a dour-looking expression, one that looks like you smelled something bad. Some of the world’s most successful leaders share warm facial expressions. They appear open and agreeable and benefit from it.
- Slap on a one-size-fits-all intensity level. Sometimes you need to tone it down and not come on too strong – especially when you’re conveying bad or unwelcome news. At other times, you need more intensity, such as in a presentation when you’re trying to inspire. Match your intensity to the specific situation.
- Bounce your lower body habitually. This is where many people need to tone it down. Pacing back
and forth or bouncing your legs or feet are very distracting and make it difficult for others to focus on your words. Keep the lower body quiet in order to give power to your presence.
- Plaster on a smile. You’ve heard many times that you should smile. But the truth is, it has to be a genuine smile, or it can backfire on you. Plastered-on smiles don’t cut it; neither do contempt smiles. They’re toxic. Genuine smiles have a powerful effect because they increase your likability. People will cut you some slack if your emotions appear to be heartfelt.
The question is, how does your energy level com across to others? Do others define you as energetic? Stiff Engaging? Disinterested? Angry? Icy? As you know, when you communicate with someone, it’s not just the words you choose that send a message. People monitor the non-verbal signals you send. Your intensity, facial expressions, eye contact and body language all send signals that influence others’ decisions and actions.
The vibes you send are crucial for this reason: reciprocity. People give back to you what you give to them. Energy feeds on itself. Energized people create energy and engagement in others. If you look and sound engaged and self-assured, people will respond more positively to you. If you look off-putting, you’ll induce bad vibes and negative responses.
Tags: communication, effective, Energy Level, Engagement, Leadership, Media, sincerity
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Leadership, Media Skills | No Comments »
Saturday, April 5th, 2008 by admin
Are You on the Eight Ball?
Here are my Top 8 Communication Skills of ‘08 to help you reach your highest performance:
1. Nail the big idea, pronto. You’re living in an impatient, short attention span world. Capture and summarize the critical essence of your message quickly. Make sure your big idea is crystal clear before diving into the nitty gritty details so you don’t distract others with small details.
2. Aim for the heart, not the head. Spewing endless factoids leaves people cold. And bored. Get real with the power of emotional appeal and you’ll motivate people to commit to action. Instead of trying to share everything you know in a single bound, light a fire under people by concentrating on their feelings first. The heart trumps the head.
3. Capitalize on peer power. Why go it alone? Our world is now ultra-connected and you should be, too, both online and in person. You’ll gain clout by bringing well-connected people into your corner. Let other smart, respected pros transfer their clout to you. They’ll help you build influence and make things happen much faster than you could by flying solo.
4. There’s no off-switch in the age of speed. Your words and actions now spread at the speed of light. Every communication has the potential to elevate or sink you because every utterance, every writing can build you up or do damage. There are no irrelevant interviews or presentations anymore. It all matters.
5. Positive wins, so radiate confident energy. Strive to inspire hope and instill pride. Deep down, we want hope for a positive future. Radiate likability and enthusiasm, even on difficult days when you’re worn down. Listen actively and convey positive interest and optimism.
6. Forget perfect. Be relatable. Stop worrying about being flawless and an amazing transformation will occur. People will start relating to you and rooting for you to win. Gone are the days when people bought in to the illusion of perfection. Let it go. People see right though the veneer. They now value genuine, relatable human beings, warts and all. Think excellence instead of perfection.
7. Create shortcuts. Who has time for long-winded messages anymore? Nobody. We’re all too slammed with work. Provide shortcuts and you’ll be rewarded with quicker decisions and action. Use shorter, punchier sentences. Graphics. Clips. Bullets. Pictures. Brevity is the new black.
8. Think the new PC: Performance Candor. Stop sugarcoating and holding back for fear that people won’t like you. Get important issues on the table tactfully and kindly, and admit the truth if it helps improve business performance. Hiding bad news is terribly damaging to both your business and your well-being.
Tags: 2008, Communication Skills, Performance
Posted in Communication Skills, Executive Presence, Leadership, Media Skills, Presentation Skills | No Comments »
