It appeared to be an ambush worthy of the Kayne West Seal of Approval. Recently, an Academy Award winner was rudely interrupted mid-acceptance by a woman who appeared to big foot her way into his big moment. More than 41 million telecast viewers were confounded. Twitter and Facebook erupted with news of “the interrupter.”
Turns out, the interrupter was no interloper. She was his co-winner. Tangled in a credit-hogging turf war, the two had raced to the stage to get in the first word. He ran a lot faster. As she burst onto the glittering platform, she hijacked the microphone and cut him off before clutching her shiny statuette.
What does this case of communication-interruptus have to do with you?
Chances are someone has rudely interrupted you in the last 24 hours, if not the last 24 minutes. Interrupting is escalating. Cutting people off and talking over them has become the new norm in our demanding, impatient, instant gratification world. The Academy Award scene is playing out everywhere – in boardrooms, meeting rooms, lunchrooms, phone calls, even on Capitol Hill. Everybody wants to get a word in edgewise.
Isn’t it frustrating to be plowed over by someone who thinks the only voice worth listening to is his own? Beyond simple rudeness on the part of some communicators, I’d like to offer a few possibilities on why more people are cutting you off, how to prevent it, and how to handle those relentless, habitual interrupters.
Why it’s happening
Face it, some people are rude. But these old school interrupters are now joined by a new breed of interrupters: The Chronically Impatient. Buoyed by instant technology and addicted to speed, these pragmatic people are having a tough time tolerating long winded ramblers. The Chronically Impatient value time, clarity, and action and they want you to get to the point, pronto. If you dilly dally, they’ll either nudge you with a brief interjectory question or they’ll outright overpower you and butt in as if your words don’t matter.
How to prevent it
- Sound confident. If you speak with conviction, people are more likely to show their respect by listening instead of dismissing your ideas and talking over you.
- Don’t be long winded. Lengthy explanations invite interruptions, so get to your point quickly. One technique I lay out in Talk Less, Say More is to frontload your messages to meet people’s specific needs and values. Busy people want you to convey brief, meaty ideas so they can get back to the gazillion others things on their to-do lists.
- Don’t hog the floor. Sometimes people interrupt because it’s the only way they feel they can get a word in edgewise. Do you dominate discussions? If so, that may induce interruptions. Watch for signals and be aware of when others want to contribute.
- Stop speed talking. If you’ve ever received feedback that you’re a fast talker, chances are you’re often interrupted. Why? After all, you’re talking as fast as you can. Bingo. Some people can’t digest what you’re saying at a high rate of speed, so they cut in to catch up.
How to handle interrupters
Managing interrupters is situational. The first step is to figure out why people are cutting in. Are they rude or are you inadvertently inviting interruptions? If you feel it’s the other person’s fault, here are a few options to handle the situation:
- The polite but firm “right back at ya.” Sometimes you must return the dirty deed with a polite retort, saying something like, “Excuse me, Debbie, but I didn’t get to finish. I’d like to add that…”
- The private chat. If a problem persists, privately inquire, “Did you realize that you frequently interrupt me? Is there something I can do to help solve the issue?” Often, pragmatic people are used to being rewarded for being a contributor and they have no idea they’re hurting your feelings.
- Establish meeting rules. In some office cultures, meetings are a free-for-all. If enough people are upset, why not work out a system for taking turns? Allot a time limit and seek contributions from everyone. If people know they’ll have an opportunity to talk, they’re more likely to wait their turn.
- Keep right on talking. Dealing with a relentless interrupter who just won’t stop? The unconventional, last ditch approach of forging ahead with your sentence and adding more volume delivers a jarring and unmistakable message. It conveys that you’re sick of being rudely interrupted and you’re just not taking it anymore.
Tags: Academy Awards, Communication Skills, confident, Connie Dieken, instant gratification, Interrupt, interrupter, listening, long winded, on point, Rambling, rude, Rudeness, Talk Less Say More
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Amusing article with great information. I’ve found that interrupters tend to be people who are so insecure that their opinions ARE NOT be listened to, that they will “piggy back ” themselves on some one whose opinions ARE being listened to at the moment. Often times they are status seekers who crave attention so badly they dont mind being obnoxious if that means achieving their objective. I’ve also found the to be bullies who dont believe they WILL be challenged on their rude behavior and are “shocked” when they’re confronted.
Really enjoying your posts.
Elgin
Hi Elgin,
Thanks so much. Especially love your “piggyback” insight. Great contribution that gives us all something to think about.
Gratefully,
Connie
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Great article and comments!
Q, How do you deal with a spouse who tells you that you are too perfect and continues to interrupt even after you point ot thtat “I didn’t finish making my point?”
Good article. I discovered the 4th bullet (keep on talking) on my own as a solution to interruptors. I add to this technique by continuing to talk until the interuptor stops. Even after I finish what I was saying, I’ll continue to double talk or add superfluous information to fill out the time till they stop. It usually takes about 3 – 5 seconds for the person to realize that we are both talking at the same time and stop.
I dislike interruptions because they send the message, that 1) the person isn’t listening to what I’m saying and 2) they feel what they have to say is more important.
I’ve also encountered some people that are fillibusterers (long winded, floor hogs). I’m not one of these people, but at times have to pull out a verbal or physical (leaving the area) interruption.
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As a fairly new middle school teacher, I have the most difficulty with vocal, strong willed children. They are loud and obnoxious trying to achieve something that they won’t say. I think that is asinine. How am I supposed to ferret out that you are bored, or you aren’t sure about my teaching methods, or you have noticed my stunned response to your voice and are just seeing what you can accomplish with it (Mikayla). I need to take a chill pill* when these kids chime in. I also need some effective redirects for these situations. So I’m glad you addressed their side of the situation here. I didn’t realize I was a stage hog. Thank you.
Effective ways I’ve found to deal with it.
Smile inside. This is the same kid that was a loud-ie at 3. Recognize the child by including her name in your discourse while continuing on drolly.
On the second interruption, interrupt back. Say that this isn’t the time to be interrupting.
Afterward, during question and answer time, brightly recognize any contributions the person may come up with.
*Seriously, is there a Chill Pill? I’ve always struggled to monitor my gut reactions when being “attacked” and the only effective measure I’ve come up with is ‘rationalizing’ the kid isn’t attacking. If attacked, my initial reaction is to respond in kind, which is just what these kids want–it puts them in CONTROL! So I have to learn ways to allow them control without fear of losing it myself.