onPoint Communication | Connie Dieken

By now you’ve probably heard that politician John Edwards diagnosed himself as a narcissist when he was caught cheating on his wife. Chances are you’re dealing with a narcissist in the workplace, too.

I’m seeing an alarming increase in self-absorbed people causing chaos throughout organizations. Their grandiose self-importance, sense of entitlement, impulsiveness, and explosive anger towards anyone who doesn’t treat them like royalty are harming corporate cultures, retention and productivity. One minute, they’re charming and the next, they’re in meltdown mode, tossing verbal grenades and howling at the moon.

So how do you communicate with a peer whose ego is so inflated they think they’re above the rules? A person who’s intolerant to setbacks, lacks empathy, is impulsive, and lashes out at any slight, real or imagined? Here are 5 quick tips to help you manage a narcissist on the job or at home:

1. Give them options. Beneath their bluster, narcissistic people fear being left out of the loop. They crave control. Better to offer them options to choose from rather than feed them ready-made decisions that they’ll tear apart. Choosing from options helps them feel in control and respected. It also prevents nasty hissy fits.
2. Make them the hero. Narcissists are preoccupied with power and truly believe they are special and unique. They live for attention and admiration. Want them to do something? Tell them how great they are and watch them perform. Like Pavlov’s dog – it’s that easy. Better yet, praise them in front of others. Just keep it real, please.
3. Let them think it’s their idea. Narcissists often steal the credit for ideas that aren’t theirs. Strangely, they truly believe that hijacked results are their own. If this is what gets things done, I say learn to live with it. Over time, everyone will catch on and, wink-wink, you’ll make things happen as they feed their ego.
4. Define, don’t defend. When you explain a challenge to a narcissist, focus on the solution rather than allowing them to dissect the problem over and over again. Narcissists love drama and revel in the chaos. They’re easily agitated when frustrated. Don’t put blood in the water or the shark will tear you apart.
5. Fill in the blind spot. Narcissists lack empathy. It doesn’t occur to them to consider your feeling or viewpoints. They’re so caught up in their own world that your needs are not on the radar screen. They don’t mean to disregard you – it’s just a blind spot. This means you’re in charge of putting your feelings on the table if you choose to do so. Just be smart about it and brace yourself for guilt trips and disparaging criticism if your needs don’t align with theirs.

Tags: communication, Egomaniac, narcissism, narcissist

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